To find MIL's inconsistent views on 'education' irritating?

[SarahAndQuack]

Since my DD was tiny (she's now 21 months), MIL has been very insistent that she will 'make DD clever' by buying her 'educational' toys. Things like a toy dog that chants ABC at you, or Disney books. Not what I would buy, but it's harmless. She'll always assume these toys will be the first and only way of teaching DD anything, so she'll say things like 'Now DD can start learning to count!' or 'Now DD can start learning her ABCs'. I admit, I find this irritating in itself, both because she's assuming I don't do anything to teach DD anything, and because of the emphasis on rote learning, which gets on my nerves. MIL is especially adamant that a child must rote-learn the alphabet and that 'all this phonics' is nonsense.

What bugs me especially, though, is that this emphasis on making DD 'clever' goes alongside a constant stream of digs at me. I'm an academic in English; I used to work a lot on psychology of reading, so I know a fair bit about phonics and so on. MIL repeatedly asks me if I've not considered doing a different, more family-friendly job, or has a go at me for using 'long words the baby won't understand'. She's on my facebook (a mistake, but too late!), as I'm good friends with several colleagues, she sees me having work-related discussions there and will then refer to 'all these long fancy words no one understands'.

I have tried to say, very casually, that it's just jargon that you get in any line of work and not to bother about it. But clearly, it bothers her, and to me the implication is that I'm too educated (or, somehow, it's only ok to be educated if you never show it). Yet she never shuts up about how she intends to educate my DD.

What do you think? AIBU?

Wow, someone doesn't agree so you aim to belittle those with differing opinions. You won't upset me couldn't care less what someone on the internet says about me.

Research is all well and good, putting stuff into practice doesn't always follow such research so perfectly. It's called real life. Something I deal with in real life.

You come across as someone who obviously feels superior due to your education, it doesn't come across well here so I expect your MIL picks it up as well.

Have fun in your bubble, hope your little one enjoys her toys.

Pot kettle

Noodle isn't getting it I'm afraid. I have no issue with teaching a child 'aqua' but what I do object to is virtually every conversation between my MIL and DD being an educational competition. DD is only 4 months old and MIL is now upset that DD wants to sit and chew her coloured links, or play peek a boo with grandad rather than sitting on her lap being told what colours they are. She's 4 months old, she doesn't care what colours they are. I've explained to MIL that there are actually lots of age appropriate goals like tracking objects, building physical strength, having 'conversations' when she's babbling that at her age are actually more important than 'aqua'.

I don't think you're getting my point about age appropriateness noodle. Yes your DCs learnt the alphabet from a singing chair. I'm seriously doubting I'll be waking up to find my 4 month old singing her ABCs. I could do basic maths, my alphabet, colour, shapes etc before I started nursery which I picked up from puzzles and games with my parents. However, not at 4 months!

At DDs age the best thing we can do is just talk to her and allow her to talk back. Obviously at 21 months that will be different but the OP seems more qualified than most to know how she wants to parent and teach her child.

Clearly I am an idiot who knows nothing about learning as I have a different view point.

I'm out.