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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Health anxiety and my aunties cruel comment.

125 replies

APositiveMind · 01/01/2019 12:48

I was over my mum's yesterday evening for a NYE party with some drinks and games.
I have health anxiety and my family are long term aware of this and often make comments about being a hypochondriac.

I had a beer last night and my younger cousin asked to try it with my aunties permission I let her take a sip. I carried on drinking my beer and then my aunty pointed out to me that my cousin had been up all the night before being sick and on the toilet.

I immediately thought of all the norovirus going around and I am now absolutely convinced I'm going to get poorly.

I have a horrible fear of being sick and having a upset tummy.

On a humorous note my aunties a veggie and I had a dream last night that I rubbed one of my pigs in blankets on all her veggie options because I was annoyed. If only!

OP posts:
SoyDora · 01/01/2019 13:53

Very very unlikely she has norovirus, she certainly wouldn’t be happily socialising at a party if she did. We’ve all had it at various times and all of us were very fragile still for a couple of days after the sickness stopped.

Butchyrestingface · 01/01/2019 13:53

Not that I expect a full medical history report from my family but often when people are suffering with a contagious illness they tend to let you know about it out of common decency?

And what happens when they don't KNOW they have a contagious illness? You risk catching it by sharing a glass/eating utensils with seemingly healthy people.

frankie001 · 01/01/2019 13:54

OP please reconsider the anti depressants. It is your health anxiety stopping you from taking them, as it wants you to stay in this cycle. Stand up to it.

ErictheGuineaPig · 01/01/2019 13:55

I can see what you mean op. You gave her a sip of your drink as you had no reason to believe at that point it would risk your health. Your aunt waiting to tell you after about the sickness must have felt akin to her saying 'you're going to get sick now'. Something she knows you're anxious about. It must feel deliberate even if it wasn't necessarily.

WorraLiberty · 01/01/2019 13:56

Sorry, dentistry.

Ironically this thread is like pulling teeth now OP Grin

No-one knows whether it was a stomach bug

Your aunt could simply have forgotten, given that she was at a party, playing board games etc.

You need to stop sharing drinks with people for your own sake

Don't worry about how long the CBT is going to take, get yourself on the list.

Original poster
APositiveMind · 01/01/2019 13:57

@butchyrestingface
That's unavoidable, an unfortunate thing.
But when someone KNOWS they have an illness that can be spread so easily, why LET them pass it on for a laugh.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 01/01/2019 13:58

But the aunt doesn’t know your cousin has a spreadable illness does she? Just that she’d been sick?

WorraLiberty · 01/01/2019 13:58

You gave her a sip of your drink as you had no reason to believe at that point it would risk your health.

Why not though??

The OP is a grown woman who knows she risks her health every single time she shares a drink with someone.

Butchyrestingface · 01/01/2019 13:59

That's unavoidable, an unfortunate thing.

It's not unavoidable at all. No-one is holding a gun to your head forcing you to share a glass with someone.

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 01/01/2019 14:04

IMO your auntie was out of order for even having her child around other people less than 24 hours after a night of vomitting and diarrhea. Selfish.

She sounds like one of those people who watches a vegetarian eat hidden meat then says "Oh by the way..."

Original poster
APositiveMind · 01/01/2019 14:04

Going around in circles here guys.

If someone has a bug, you tend to let them know. It's common decency.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 01/01/2019 14:06

Going around in circles here guys.

Absolutely. Because you won't acknowledge the points that people are making.

WorraLiberty · 01/01/2019 14:09

What Butchy said

This thread is making me irrationally annoyed now Grin

Best of luck to you OP. Hope you get help for yourself Thanks

AmericanEskimoDoge · 01/01/2019 14:10

If she has a history of joking about your fears, I'd be at least a bit suspicious that it was said as a pathetic attempt at a joke. As in, your cousin hadn't really been ill at all, and your aunt only said that to give you a fright. ...However, if the cousin confirmed that she'd felt sick the night before, that's obviously not the case.

It's not unreasonable to be annoyed with someone for "forgetting" to tell you something like this (whether or not it was intentionally done). You don't have to be anxious to feel irritated over that kind of thoughtlessness (and 9 times out of 10 people on here would be furious at your aunt for daring to bring her ill child to the party to potentially spread the dreaded "d&v bug").

But yes, don't share glasses/bottles or utensils/plates from now on. It's really a better policy, anyway.

Bombardier25966 · 01/01/2019 14:11

Please get help for your anxiety issues before contemplating getting pregnant OP.

SoyDora · 01/01/2019 14:13

But you don’t know she had a bug?

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 01/01/2019 14:14

I dont think the issue for the OP is that her auntie "forgot" to tell her. I think she believes her auntie intentionally waited until after the sip happened to tell her to trigger her anxiety for her own pleasure. Which, if true, is a dick thing to do.

darlingShelby · 01/01/2019 14:15

I’m surprised more people haven’t heard of health anxiety/ hypochondria?
I’ve reported a post as l can’t believe how ignorant it was.
Lots of you aren’t much better. Almost making op explain herself to you.
She has health anxiety - and she’d like help beyond that!
You sound as if you should return for more help op - it’ll be better for you in the long term. Flowers

Original poster
APositiveMind · 01/01/2019 14:15

I was more upset at the way it took place, so smug and like it gave her satisfaction to tell me.

Although I'm ok with sharing glasses with family I do see why people don't.

I haven't dismissed everyone's points, but people have focused on the sharing a glass than the fact something someone would normally mention never did.

Also, when someone ask to try a bit of a drink, isnt it just a normal thing to pass it over so they can have a quick sip? Does anyone really out that much thought into letting someone try it? It didn't even cross my mind is all I'm saying, it never would have but I guess that's where people differ.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 01/01/2019 14:22

I was more upset at the way it took place, so smug and like it gave her satisfaction to tell me

Well you’ve said that you don’t see eye to eye, so I imagine that’s where her smugness and your upset comes from. In which case I’d just put it down to an unpleasant interaction with someone I don’t like anyway and resolve to spend less time with her in the future.

thebaronetofcockburn · 01/01/2019 14:23

Please get more help before getting pregnant. I doubt the cousin has norovirus or she'd not have been well enough to be a party.

Rachelle3211 · 01/01/2019 14:37

Wait you're trying to get pregnant?
I have health anxiety and a couple of friends do as well. I've gone to therapy, taken medication when needed and so on because it's my responsibility. My friends haven't, and while they are lovely people when they are panicking it is incredibly unpleasant. One of them storms off and wants everyone to ignore him but causes such a fuss that his wife and kids end up feeling uncomfortable in their own home.The other drives us all nuts by asking all her friends if we think she's going to die. We end up spending hours listening to her panic and it's exhausting. Both of these people refuse medication and have not seen any improvement in years despite the odd bouts of therapy. I think you need to consider that you may need medication in order to properly work through these issues at therapy. You are likely unaware of how your anxiety affects others, and more importantly you need to hate it enough that you are willing to try something different even if you are scared.

Helmetbymidnight · 01/01/2019 14:45

I would be annoyed too op.

When you share your plate or your glass you usually do so on the understanding they weren’t puking all night. The obvious or kind thing for the aunt to do would be:
A. To say - No don’t share, dc, you were sick last night.
Or
B. If she had forgotten- doesn’t sound like she had- bloody say nothing!

DaisyDreaming · 01/01/2019 14:54

I don’t understand some of these replies. I don’t have health anxiety at all, I think it’s positive you feel able to let your niece have a sip out of your cup. I’m confused as to whether your niece has been fine so the comment was cruel to make you worry or if she was cruel not to tell you she had been ill? Completely wrong to take a child with d&v hours ago to a party!

TwitterQueen1 · 01/01/2019 14:55

OP, I mean this kindly though it will sound harsh.

Everyone (yes, OK, generalising) with HA (and general social anxiety) is completely and utterly self-absorbed. What makes you think your aunt was being deliberately cruel and deliberately waiting until you'd offered your glass? Is she normally a horrible, spiteful person? Does she do this kind of thing a lot? Or is it possible that she wasn't actually thinking about your HA at all? (why would she?) And was maybe just commenting?

Another generalisation: no-one with HA listens to anyone. They will ask 20 people for their opinion on something and discuss it for hours on end, and then ask another 20 people, and then another 20 because they won't believe what they've been told.

This is why you need proper, professional help. And you need to take your medication.