Me and DH are nearly 39 with one 4yr old child. We have a lovely 3 bed semi and a good income. We are not ‘wealthy’ by any means, but we have enough to pay the bills, shop in Aldi/Lidl and go on a cheap holiday (nearly) every year. We are certainly not poor but we are a bit shit at budgeting.
It too me 3 years to even contemplate having another child due to severe PND. Then another year to come off the medication.
I’m now ready and we would both love another child. We are realistic, it may not happen now with our age and I have gained a shit-tonne of weight on my medication. But that’s now coming off steadily (cheers AD’s) and we have decided to give it 2 years of trying to conceive naturally and let fate take its course. Obviously we also need to start being strict with a budget as, with 2 children, there would be no room for error.
This time I would also seek out support from my GP and midwife in anticipation of getting PND again. I’m fairly convinced my PND was a result of birth trauma/PTSD. I work with midwives and have discussed this with them and feel confident I would be well looked after. I’d even have the option of a c.section.
However....
We have never explicitly discussed these plans with our parents but due to us keeping the pram and the cot in the loft “just in case” they know it’s a possibility.
Both sets of parents have alluded to the idea that having another child wouldn’t be a good idea. DH parents purely because of finances. They are very wealthy and I think they consider us to be living in the breadline (which we aren’t, we have savings, we just don’t happen to shop in Waitrose and buy all our clothes from Joules).
My parents (mum specifically) think we are just too old and I have just survived horrendous PND, so why would we risk that again?
Both are probably worried about being lumbered with childcare again, and would feel obliged to offer, but we would absolutely pay for childcare this time round and we could afford this.
We both planned 3 children (ambitious given our age at the time) but we never anticipated me becoming so unwell. We feel like we have a couple of years to have one more shot at another child. I can’t bear the thought that we had an only child out of choice, I really really want our child to have a sibling. In our minds it’s the right decision. But it’s unsettling to know our own parents don’t think we are up to it!
AWBU to go ahead? Should we be grateful for what we have (we are very grateful already) and make the best life for our child that we can. Is it irresponsible to have another child if you aren’t ‘wealthy’? Are we too old? Is it irresponsible and unfair on everyone (myself included) for me to risk having PND again?
Maybe it’s selfish but I long to have a baby and enjoy, or simply REMEMBER, the first year. I really think it will be fine this time around, but perhaps I am naive.