Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be miserable because of one comment

46 replies

nothappynewyear · 01/01/2019 01:02

Bit of background on my kid - she's slept terribly since she was 4 months old. Didn't sleep through the night once until she was well over 1yo. She's now nearly two and still often wakes during the night if there's a noise or she's uncomfortable for some reason. (She's a mouth breather when she sleeps and I have fears this stops her entering a proper deep sleep - whole other issue)
Anyway, I spent NYE with my Mum and step dad. My mum insists that someone leaves at 2 minutes to midnight and then chaps the door on the bells to bring gifts into the house. This year my step dad was nominated to do so
I said to him 'if it's okay, at midnight, could you come straight into the lounge before doing the hugs and celebrations of new year, as if we do it in the hall then we might wake DD'
He then sat there and laughed for a couple of minutes before saying 'okay then'
At midnight he came in and preceded to whisper long after entering the lounge, IMO to make a statement that he thought my request was stupid
They left soon after and of course the noise of the doors opening and closing ended up waking her so I clearly wasn't being paranoid!
AIBU to not want to wake my kid??? I am so upset that he clearly questions my parenting and want to bring up the issue next time I see my Mum, however I am also aware that I've had several glasses of champagne and I'm PMSing a bitch so not even sure if I'm reading too much into it! Truthful opinions?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 01/01/2019 01:05

I assume you know this tradition?

User758172 · 01/01/2019 01:06

He wasn’t being very kind, no. I wouldn’t assume from this incident that he questions your parenting though. That’s a bit of a stretch!

Original poster
nothappynewyear · 01/01/2019 01:07

Yeah we do this every year... not sure if it's something my family has invented?

OP posts:
1stMrsF · 01/01/2019 01:10

I totally understand where you are coming from, but in this case I think you are being slightly unreasonable because of the ritual of the whole thing. When sleep deprived it's hard to be reasonable Grin

On a separate note, please ask your GP for a referral to a sleep clinic (if you have not done so already, you did say this was a separate thing) as it could be life changing as it was for my DD.

Nicknacky · 01/01/2019 01:10

So you know it happens, you still chose to partake in it.

Your kid woke up. It’s not the end of the world.

Celebelly · 01/01/2019 01:14

It's called first footing and isn't an invention of your family!

Original poster
nothappynewyear · 01/01/2019 01:19

@Nicknacky have a feeling I've been misunderstood? I'm not angry about the I tradition being carried out, angry that my request to celebrate further from the hall was laughed at... she woke up regardless so obv whether or not we went into the lounge was irrelevant, but still hurt by the laughing

OP posts:
Original poster
nothappynewyear · 01/01/2019 01:26

@1stMrsF thank you for your comment! I have been considering going to doc with her for a few weeks as read an article on FB about a month ago outlining mouth breathing in children as an issue. Before this I was fully aware of her breathing this way and thought it was normal! I will definitely be making an appointment when the surgery reopens - your suggestion is very much appreciated! :)

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 01/01/2019 01:26

Not misunderstood at all. There was noise and your kid woke up.

Mine did too when the fireworks went off.

SpoonBlender · 01/01/2019 01:28

YABU. Take a kid to a party where there's going to be a midnight celebration, what did you honestly expect?

Get some sleep and offer a light apology in the morning for being unreasonable.

abacucat · 01/01/2019 01:29

Sleep deprivation is seriously shit. I think your reaction is because of that. Try and forget about it.

ChristmasSprite · 01/01/2019 01:29

I got that OK from your OP. Very clear.

I think he's taking the piss, yes, some people have thick skins and don't give a flying fuck what people say about them, but most take on board when someone is taking the piss a bit.
I guess it's just a case of knowing whether he'd be trying to be intentionally nasty to you? Is this his normal piss taking behaviour, would he be a bit reticent if you were to explain you found it hurtful, and felt like he was challenging your parental decisions, bearing in mind it did wake up baby!

springydaff · 01/01/2019 01:30

oh god, a cheery bunch on here tonight Hmm

of course you were upset because your dd was woken and not about the tradition! Take no notice op.

when my kids were little and somebody woke them, it was the closest I've ever come to murdering someone. I'm serious. I quite understand you being desperate to not have her woken.

You may be a bit squiffy on champagne/PMS but, tell you what, give your dd to him for a week and see how he'd fair. Sleep deprivation is a recognised form of torture.

My heart goes out to you. Let's hope this year brings settled sleep for you all Flowers

abacucat · 01/01/2019 01:32

And don't raise it. Seriously this is the kind of thing that is best forgotten.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/01/2019 01:34

"when my kids were little and somebody woke them, it was the closest I've ever come to murdering someone."

Then you wouldn't take them to a NYE party, would you?
It's silly to expect (probably drunk) people to be quite on NYE.
YABU.

Original poster
nothappynewyear · 01/01/2019 01:37

Not sure how people got the impression I'm at a party? Sorry, failed to mention I had them over to my house. I was planning to spend it alone but my mum wouldn't have it and insisted they be there to see in the new year with me

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 01/01/2019 01:40

It was unkind of him to laugh at you and then the mockery of the pantomime whispering afterwards was a dick move. He sounds a million miles away from remembering/understanding the intensity of sleep deprivation and early parenthood.

Thingybob · 01/01/2019 01:46

It won't seem so bad in the morning OP and you will realise how lucky you are having a family that love you so much that they wanted to spend their NY with you. Sweet dreams x

abacucat · 01/01/2019 01:48

atrocious He may never have experienced bad sleep deprivation. Yes it was not okay, but without sleep deprivation, you would quickly have forgotten about it.

Original poster
nothappynewyear · 01/01/2019 01:50

Thanks very much for the perspective everyone! Do still feel a bit wronged by it all (which may or may not change by the morning) but thinking by the comments it would be quite unreasonable to bring this up to them. Need to just brush it off like last years mince pie crumbs

OP posts:
PinkCalluna · 01/01/2019 01:59

“First footing” is standard in Scotland.

He was rude to laugh at your request. I assume he wasn’t entirely sober?

I think if you haven’t endured long term sleep deprivation that it can be hard to understand quite how soul destroyingly awful it is.

Nevertheless he was a guest in your house and was rude. Perhaps address it calmly and quietly tomorrow?

Flowers
LoniceraJaponica · 01/01/2019 02:06

I agree that you need to take your DD to the GP. She should be able to breathe through her nose when asleep. Hopefully her sleep will improve once this is sorted out.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/01/2019 02:44

"He was rude to laugh at your request. I assume he wasn’t entirely sober?"

Oh come on. He was asked to be quiet at a NYE party and he was probably drunk. Of course he laughed. If you want quiet, you don't host a party on the biggest drinking night of the year.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/01/2019 02:45

"Not sure how people got the impression I'm at a party?"

Oh sorry, sounded like a party. Presumably the other people thought they were there to celebrate NYE though?

explodingkitten · 01/01/2019 02:52

Don't invite them for next years NYE. If they complain tell them why.

People don't take you seriously till you show them. Unfortunately.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.