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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband asleep at midnight and myself in tears

74 replies

Thankfuckitsfriday1 · 01/01/2019 00:48

I am fully prepared and okay with being told IABU because tbh I can’t tell right now as my emotions are clouding my judgment.

I have been looking foward to NYE with the husband and we normally stay in and watch the fireworks on TV with food and drink and board games. We always chat about the last year and all that happened and this year was a biggie (we realised our son had SEN and was diagnosed).

He fell asleep at 10 and I tried waking him up 5 times including 11.30, 11.40. 11.55. And he kept saying he’s too tired...

So I went into the new year sat alone crying with no one this wish happy new year too/at. I couldn’t even fucking load up the fireworks on my phone quick enough (we don’t have normal TV) as I was so pre occupied trying to wake him up so I missed those too.

I’m just so so so upset he couldn’t wake himself up enough to come and sit with me or even wake up in bed to wish me happy new year.. he even woke up to undress but didn’t get up. It feels worse then it is I’m sure and writing it has made me realise it’s likely stupid but I felt so alone.

(Background he works 9-5 and I’m the tired one as baby doesn’t sleep). I also have no friends at all so have no one else to wish it too.

OP posts:

EerieSilence · 01/01/2019 08:10

I haven't lasted till midnight for the last 17 years. It has now become a family joke and DH and DD bet on which time I will have a system shutdown.
You are massively overreacting. You can't force someone to be awake if their circadian rhythm is different to yours.

toasterstrudle · 01/01/2019 08:43

So much pressure on NYE! The media suggests you should be out in a glittery dress quaffing champagne and having a kiss on the bells. It's the same with all the glitzy parties we apparently all attend over Christmas! If it's any consolation, I also have an 18 month old and was fast asleep by 9pm, DH was working! Happy New Year.

Original poster

Thankfuckitsfriday1 · 01/01/2019 09:05

Eerie - we are usually awake until 12/1 most nights so it was quite unusual for him to be asleep at this time!

OP posts:

Rayn · 01/01/2019 09:06

The times I have celebrated new year on my own I have enjoyed. Personal reflection. Wake up this morning it's a new day and at least your husband will be full of beans after a good nights sleep x

Lost88 · 01/01/2019 09:10

I understand that you are upset, it was obviously important to you and a lot of people feels that way every year. Kisses and cuddles XXX

winsinbin · 01/01/2019 09:20

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that for me NYE will usually be spent watching DH snore by the fire. It used to upset me but I’ve come to realise its better than enforced jollity in some overcrowded bar followed by an overpriced cab ride home.

I hope you have a great year OP.

LuluJakey1 · 01/01/2019 09:23

It will all look better tthis morning.

My DH did the same. We'd had a lovely time out with DS and DD in the afternoon- late lunch out and long walk home along the beach and sea front. Came home and they were both bathed and in bed. DH and I had a nice night together and he fell asleep about 11.30.
I just left him because he was tired - had walked about 8 miles, run along the beach and back with DS, had a couple of drinks. He woke up not long after 12 and was all 'Why didn't you wake me?' then PIL and SIL rang and he spoke to them. Then he came to bed with mugs of tea for us.
I am not upset or cross at all. Nothing to be upset or cross about.
Your husband sounds like a nice person who needed a bit of sleep. NYE is just a night like any other really- it's time, it passes. We just invest it with emotion.

LuluJakey1 · 01/01/2019 09:24

And 'Happy New Year'

adaline · 01/01/2019 09:25

Ah bless you

But remember it's just a night like any other - it doesn't really mean anything. You're still the same person in the same marriage today as you were yesterday.

DH and I were both asleep before midnight however if one us had wanted to see the New Year in and the other hadn't it wouldn't have been a problem. We live together and have every other night of the year to spend together - don't place so much significance on one night

Original poster

Thankfuckitsfriday1 · 01/01/2019 09:26

As predicted I feel much better tonight and we’ve planned a nice evening together tonight instead.

Thank you all I felt so awful last night and everyone was so lovely

OP posts:

Mayrhofen · 01/01/2019 09:39

To me it’s just another day. To some people it’s really important, to others, well it’s no big deal.

Apileofballyhoo · 01/01/2019 09:41

Really happy to read your update! I hope 2019 is great and you meet lots of new friendly people.

Brighton2 · 01/01/2019 09:51

There’s a lot of pressure on New Year’s Eve, I always dislike it as it’s the beginning of January, the grim winter months, end of the festivities etc. I always feel like a saddo these days as myself and dh spend it either at home and my parents visit (I do a special dinner and cocktails) or with his parents. Back in the day I used to go out with friends but that was always a let down too!

This year we were at my husbands parents and they were bickering constantly. Not bickering like ‘you haven’t put the milk away’ But like ‘you annoy me so much, just go to bed’ 😬😬😬 his dad talks endlessly about brexit and his mum was feeling a bit down in the dumps. I think we need to do something else next year without them!!

There’s just too much pressure on one night. Life isn’t how they make out in films, advertising or on instagram pictures.

I agree that you should have a lovely new year walk with him today and have your talk ☺️

NOTthepinkranger · 01/01/2019 09:53

It is a big night and only once a year and holds so much significance

But it doesn’t to everyone, it holds no significance what so ever to me.

Highginx · 01/01/2019 10:06

We used to try and do stuff and it was so disappointing. Now we have a Chinese and watch a film and it’s so much nicer not to care.

teainthemorning · 01/01/2019 10:17

It is a big night and only once a year and holds so much significance
Not for everyone - it's just another night before another day.
Like NOTthepinkranger it holds no significance for me, other than being a year older.

1stTimeMama · 01/01/2019 10:18

I always spend New Year on my own. Children in bed, husband is an early to bed kind of bloke, but I actually prefer to see the new year in by myself.
I can sit and think, reminisce, have a cry for the things that have happened the previous 12 months, this time it was losing my Nan in November. Just have a bit a peace before my loud and hectic life with the children starts again!

This year my husband stayed up! Rude. Haha.

Jenasaurus · 01/01/2019 10:27

I sort of did this too, couldn't stay awake, I think it was because we went out to eat at 6 and I started drinking wine too early, so when we got back I shut my eyes for a minute and now realise I slept through new year

gottastopeatingchocolate · 01/01/2019 10:38

Glad you feel better today, OP.
Just wanted to say that in our area the children's centres (or Hubs, as I think they have been re-badged) have groups and activities for families where a child has SEN. It might be worth looking into as there might be a good friend waiting to be made.

I hope that this year is the one where you find some friends and feel less lonely.

gamerwidow · 01/01/2019 10:40

That’s a good update OP. It’s always disappointing when a special evening doesn’t quite work out but it’s what happens in the day to day that matters. Hope you have a lovely evening tonight.

AngelaSchrute · 01/01/2019 10:49

Oh no, I was your DH last night.

We had planned a little party with board games, drinks, and nice food but I was absolutely shattered and asleep by 9:30.

We are also making up for it tonight as I feel really bad. I think everything just caught up with me which is probably what happened to your DH.

I'm sure you could get the fireworks on catchup tv so just pretend it's new years tonight. :o You can still do everything you planned.

Lost88 · 01/01/2019 10:57

Some of you are nothing than bunch of keyboardwarriors/bullies who intentionally trying to kick this woman down, unfuckingbelievable. Don't forget to report my comment so it will get removed.

Yabbers · 01/01/2019 11:04

I wouldn’t be held responsible for my actions if my DH had tried to wake me so many times when I’d already told him I was too tired. Especially if it were out of character for me to be sleeping that early, and if the only reason was to see the time change on a clock and have a deep and meaningful conversation which could happen any night of the year.

In your situation I’d have been more concerned that he was sleeping unusually early and hoping he wasn’t becoming poorly.

That said, it’s easy to be caught up in the NYE hype and blow things out of proportion. Glad you have it sorted for today. It sounds like you have it tough and you definitely need to talk it out. Just not when he’s knackered.

vdbfamily · 01/01/2019 11:29

My kids are 12,14 and 15 and has only been the last few years that we have been staying up til midnight. When the kids were little we just went to bed. Last night we went to friends and they reminded me that previous year I had gone without DH as he had wanted to go to bed.

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