AIBU to ask DP to stay elsewhere when he comes back very late?

[RubyWho]

I genuinely can’t work out if I am BU but this has been a source of many circular arguments for months.

I have a MH condition that means I find it difficult to sleep, and, that when I have had little or no sleep, said MH condition worsens. Sleeping pills are hit and miss and I only like to use them in extreme circumstances (eg if I’ve gone five days without proper sleep.) sleeping pills knock me for six and mean I’m a zombie the next day, and cannot function properly. Hence why I take them as a last resort.

DP is very noisy when he comes home late, and if he’s been drinking, is even worse - eventually coming to bed and snoring very loudly. When he does this, I can’t get to sleep. It’s affecting my health and work.

I’ve asked him, several times, that if he goes out and wants to come back at 1;2,3,4am, to please make arrangements to stay elsewhere. He’s usually out in London, we live outside of London. There are several places he could stay (with friends - who always offer). DP argues that he doesn’t want to put his friends out.

We don’t have a spare room for him to sleep in when he comes back late. He sometimes sleeps on the sofa but makes such a racket coming back and snores so loudly (when drinking) that it makes no difference.

AIBU or do I shut up and put up? This happens about 1-2x a week, and means I’m losing two nights of sleep a week.

This has been triggered by him doing this again this evening. He woke me up by failing to get the door open and is now loudly stomping about the bathroom.

^^

you can't see what a dick he is

Doesn't sound like you are compatible. I don't agree with what he is doing and wouldn't put up with it but it would be a cold day in hell before someone told me I couldn't spend two or three nights a week in my own home that I pay the bills of regardless of what I was doing. So I wouldn't expect that if somebody else.

He's being a selfish arsehole.

If you don't want to LTB, then I'd go for locking him out each and every time.

Wake him up every time his snoring disturbs you.

On a practical note, can you wear earplugs and set an alarm on your phone to vibrate and pop it under your pillow? My Fitbit vibrates to wake me up. In the long run your partner needs to be more considerate, but this might help in the short term?

Get a good quality spare mattress and sleep in the lounge yourself on nights that he's out. With the door firmly closed and wedged shut from inside if necessary.