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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if anyone actually gets their fairytale?

39 replies

LoopyLou1981 · 30/12/2018 22:21

Watching a mushy film whilst drinking a glass of wine and feeling suitably hard done by but, has anyone had theur fairytale romance and is still happy?
(Watching my grumpy husband, well into his 2nd bottle of wine, knowing it’s definitely going to be me up with the kids at 6/7ish in the morning despite it being me over the entire Christmas holidays) ... I repeat...feeling hard done by and hoping for happy stories!

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopyLou1981 · 30/12/2018 22:22

*their 🙄

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 30/12/2018 22:28

I know couples that do equally share the load, but they've had other problems, miscarriages, health issues, job loses, house repossessions, two have had a child die.

Someone has something.

My friend seemed to have a charmed life. She's got to her 50's and has had to have both breasts off, because of cancer.

After becoming friends with Women from Zimbabwe and Nigeria, I do think we all need to count our blessings a bit more often.

Original poster
LoopyLou1981 · 30/12/2018 22:43

I wasn’t suggesting that I had the worst life in the world. I would just love the ‘butterfies’ feeling of someone that puts you before anything.
As I said, just feeling soppy after a silly girlie film.

OP posts:
Bythebeach · 30/12/2018 22:48

Hmmm I’m knackered constantly and exhaustion does lead to us being bad tempered but I feel like my DH is my happy ending and still get butterflies with him! But DC3 has nearly broken us .... he is the most high maintenance child and currently only sleeping on a mattress on our floor as since August he’s decided to wake 2 hourly if not in with us 😢

Bythebeach · 30/12/2018 22:49

(3 kids 13, 10, 6)

mrbob · 30/12/2018 22:51

I think part of the problem is that what makes a lot of us happy is having a goal or striving for things. If we get there we feel an anti climax and feel crap about it (after the initial thrill) So I sometimes wonder if the happiest people have a not quite perfect life. Not the grinding hideousness of ALWAYS being worried about money for example but not having QUITE everything they want

mrbob · 30/12/2018 22:52

And what I meant is that the “fairytale” might be everything you wanted but might not make you totally happy

AnnAbbieLian · 30/12/2018 22:53

I’d feel a bit uncomfortable if my husband put me before anything. The thing about being on a pedestal is it’s a long way to fall down. I’d much rather be two human beings, relying on each other but not worshiping each other, loving one another but not obsessed with one another. There’s lots of things more important than me. Our kids. Dignity. Ethics. The truth. Debatably God. I don’t want to be held in higher esteem than any of those things and would never respect a man who did.

MinecraftHolmes · 30/12/2018 22:55

Fairytales are exactly that. Unrealistic and, frankly, imaginary.

MotsDHeureGoussesRames · 30/12/2018 22:56

I know what you mean, OP, but I actually think those films, whilst enjoyable, aren't remotely representative of real life - or at least, not more than a brief moment of it. I thought this whilst watching Bridget Jones Baby the other day. Whilst it was a really enjoyable watch, it also, like Love Actually, portrays this romantic, fairylight studded London (or wherever) backdrop, where the female is the 'hard to get' prize and a cast of handsome men run around in circles after her. It's romanticised nonsense (and I enjoy a good romantic weepie as much as anyone!) and perpetuates the sexist stereotypes that a woman needs a man for happiness and fulfilment and that men should fall over themselves to 'get the girl.' The fairytale myths, which is exactly how you refer to it in your OP. It's just not how life works and makes people wistful for something that doesn't exist. That's not to say there aren't fairylit, romantic moments in life but it's a tiny fraction of a far more mundane picture of real life love.

isthistoonosy · 30/12/2018 22:56

mrbob I totally agree with you, we acheived our goals and we both felt empty for a while, so now we have decided to set new almost imposible new goals, we need something to aim for.

We are happy with each other, butterflies sometimes but sometimes its more like sleeping caterpilers! No one can be floating along in bliss all the time (drugs excludedd!).

MamaLovesMango · 30/12/2018 23:03

DH and I have a fairytale story, complete with fairytale ending outing obviously but it’s exactly how Birds says, the story didn’t stop when the film came to a natural end. And life can be a bitch.

The film doesn’t show the bit where, regardless of the fairytale, you still want to smother the snoring arsehole in his sleep on a regular occasion.

ilovepixie · 30/12/2018 23:04

My OH can be a bit of an arse sometimes but he's my Prince Charming and makes my life happier and better.

Batteriesallgone · 30/12/2018 23:08

Don’t know about fairytale.

But when I think of DH and me at the moment I think of those action films where the heroes stand back to back and fight to the death together Grin

Not much time for romantic staring into each other’s eyes with three kids. Barely get time to shag. But yeah he’s my joint hero of our story.

Original poster
LoopyLou1981 · 30/12/2018 23:09

I don’t think I want to be on a pedestal. Just an equal would be nice.
My skin crawls if he tries anything. Everything from the past has mounted up. I just want to run away with the kids for a new life and the thought of a fairytale moment I’d keeping me going x

OP posts:
IHeartKingThistle · 30/12/2018 23:10

DH and I had a day yesterday where we were just snippy and irritable with each other, I don't know why, just happens sometimes.

My grandad unexpectedly died this morning 2 hours away. My little nephew was with my mum who was distraught but couldn't go anywhere because she had no one to take him. DH had his car keys in his hand before I got off the phone and drove 2 hours to pick up my nephew and bring him back here.

That's the fairytale folks.

MamaLovesMango · 30/12/2018 23:13

You don’t need a fairytale @LoopyLou, it sounds like you need to take control and make your life what you want it to beFlowers

WipsGlitter · 30/12/2018 23:15

No. And I know someone who is seriously depressed because even though she found her Prince Charming life happened after that and dealt her a bit of a shitty hand.

Ukelou · 30/12/2018 23:15

I know what u mean u just want someone who treats u well loves u and makes u happy. Yes it exists i have exactly this with my dp i have sadness and problems but he helps alleviate them not make them worse. He supports me tells me the truth when i am wrong is kind and we are equals.

Mummysharkdodododo · 30/12/2018 23:19

*But when I think of DH and me at the moment I think of those action films where the heroes stand back to back and fight to the death together grin

Not much time for romantic staring into each other’s eyes with three kids. Barely get time to shag.*

This sums up exactly where we are at, 2 children under 3, youngest refuses to sleep and will not leave our bed. All I’d like is 2 sleeping kids, not in our bed and us both awake enough to actually have a shag, that would be fab. It’s literally like waiting for the planets to align!

No fairytale here, but I still love him like we are in one!

Pachyderm1 · 30/12/2018 23:21

We don’t have kids yet so I guess it could change but my DH is my fairytale. He’s so good I have to be careful not to casually mention something I need (e.g. ‘oh I must go and get my bag from the car’) because he will just jump up and do it. He’s an absolute dream, and the kindest and most selfless person I know.

Sorry, sounds mushy and braggy - but you did ask for positive stories!

Aroundtheworldandback · 30/12/2018 23:26

I guess I got my fairytale- met dh after a long abusive marriage. He took on my kids, cushions me from life and we want for nothing. Nothing’s perfect though as it one of his adult kids won’t speak to either of us.

RomanyRoots · 30/12/2018 23:32

The problem is the idea that there is such a thing as fairytale lives.
I really can't stand girls being referred to as Princesses, it sets them up to feel like they have failed if life doesn't turn out like that.

Not fair you have done all the early mornings, tell him to get his arse into gear, preferably before he starts drinking.

wheneverythinggoestitsup · 30/12/2018 23:35

Depends what day you catch me on.

Today- this past week- my DH is my absolute dream come true. I'm heavily pregnant and so tired, he's gotten up with the kids every morning and I've stayed in bed til 11. I have barely lifted a finger and I just want to squeeze him I'm so in love.

He's always been a pretty selfless person and would give me the last of his favourite anything if I asked.

But then we piss each other off, get annoyed and argue like any other couple.

No ones life is a fairytale like in the movies.

Bluebell878275 · 30/12/2018 23:41

IHeartKingThistle I've just given my DH an extra kiss goodnight because of your post. We had a snippy day yesterday but I know even in amongst of that he (and I ) would move the earth if needed.
Sorry about your grandad Flowers