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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for not enjoying Christmas time off together?

42 replies

stiltonontoast · 30/12/2018 22:17

Feeling like I’m being massively unreasonable here, but...

I haven’t really enjoyed my time off over Christmas or my DH being around for a whole week either. I feel anxious and annoyed constantly.

Usually I work 2 days a week and I’m a SAHM the other 3 days while my DH works. I find this gives me a perfect balance of me time / work time / mum time. I think being out of this routine has made me feel overwhelmed and anxious. All the necessary Christmas socialising and bobbing about.. it’s not for me! I actually can’t wait to get back to work and my precious days alone with my Ds.

I just wondered if anyone felt the same.

OP posts:

Hubanmao · 30/12/2018 22:26

Your poor dh... Is he aware that you prefer him being out at work so you can have your precious days with your child?

Diamondangel8 · 30/12/2018 22:30

I guess it's possible to be under each other's feet but it is only a week.. what are you like when on holiday together then? This doesn't sound like a happy relationship.

starrynight19 · 30/12/2018 22:33

Aww I love this whole out of routine and being at home together.

That’s a shame you feel like that , do you enjoy being together as a family ?

AutumnCrow · 30/12/2018 22:34

I think lots of people feel anxious or a bit out of sorts without their usual routines tbh.

DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 30/12/2018 22:39

I'm feeling this a bit this year - I used to work a lot over Christmas and for the first time since DC was born, I have the whole hols off. It's more that I feel overwhelmed by too much domesticity, I think. My DH used to work quite far away from home, and I had lovely nights with DC then amazing reunions with DH.

I love my job tbh. I love DH and DC more, but I love working and coming home to them

LEMtheoriginal · 30/12/2018 22:44

Heaven forbid you miss out on me time

mrsmuddlepies · 30/12/2018 22:51

Perhaps you could try working five days a week so, if you feel still feel anxious about your husband having time off, you can boot him out and manage on your own. Only thing is, financial instability might make you anxious......

Kemer2018 · 30/12/2018 22:52

OP i get what you're saying. X x

MrsG8 · 30/12/2018 22:55

It's only one week! To spend quality time with your DH and DS it should be special and to enjoyed... doesn't say much for your relationship with DH

Kintan · 30/12/2018 22:57

Oh dear OP this is really quite sad. Your poor husband - does he know you view him as little more than an annoyance getting in the way of your ‘me time’ and alone time with your (presumably shared) child? I would be devastated if my husband thought of me that way!

gamerchick · 30/12/2018 22:59

To me it sounds as if you need to get the bairn looked after and spend some time with your bloke. Renew the bond type of thing. Have you had any time alone together?

ceeveebee · 30/12/2018 23:02

I know exactly how you feel and think you are brave to admit it...I too am feeling anxious, For me, I think it’s the lack of alone time, I’m an introvert and I just need an hour or so every day where no one speaks to me, am dealing with it by nipping out for a run or popping to the shops on my own.

Hubanmao · 30/12/2018 23:08

Needing a bit of space from socialising etc is one thing. The OP is saying that working 2 days a week gives her the perfect balance of 5 days off, 3 of them alone with their child, and that she’s found it annoying having her dh off work over Christmas. That’s quite different.

She’d better hope her dh doesn’t decide that his perfect work/life balance is working 2 days and having 3 days 1 to 1 with his child, expecting her to bugger off out to work to facilitate that!

Goldencarrot · 30/12/2018 23:10

I get what you're saying. I'm an introvert too, it's the constantly having people around, not necessarily just your husband, you are probably like me just so fed up with socialising over the Christmas time. I keep disappearing to 'tidy up' when in reality i am hiding from my family! Extroverts don't understand.

Eliza9917 · 30/12/2018 23:21

What are you going to do when retirement comes around?

DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 30/12/2018 23:30

PP make a good point - DH and I had an unexpected date night last night, and it made all the difference - just realised I have relaxed today and anxiety has plummeted.

Kintan · 30/12/2018 23:30

Goldencarrot I am an introvert too, so totally understand about the socialising, but it is the fact that the OP doesn't want her husband around that is troubling and nothing to do with being an introvert!

user1483644229 · 31/12/2018 08:30

Yes OP I know what you mean also. You like your own space and routine. Some people are a bit harsh really - you’re just wondering if other feels the same way. I do and completely understand x

CripsSandwiches · 31/12/2018 08:42

Lots of nasty comments, I totally get what you're saying op. You're used to a certain schedule. I need lots of quiet time too and find too much socialising a strain.

RedWineIsFabulous · 31/12/2018 08:43

One week?

Get over yourself. It’s not long and you’ll cope

NewPapaGuinea · 31/12/2018 08:45

What have you been doing with your time off together?

Disfordarkchocolate · 31/12/2018 08:47

Some people need their routine, some people need time on their own, some people like to focus on others 1:1. None of these are wrong. Next time this crops up plan a half day for your husband to do something he really likes and use that time to be with your child. Win, win.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 31/12/2018 08:54

I do get you @stiltonontoast

For me going to work has been the saving grace as it’s not just “me time” but I’ve also interacted with other humans that are not DH and not my DC. I am a creature of habit and actively dislike being without routine and am counting down to Jan 8th which will be my first WFH day for three weeks.

I love DH and actually enjoy his company which is why this statement worries me a bit:

I feel anxious and annoyed constantly

At the DC or DH? If it’s the latter I would seriously ask yourself why. If he is decent to you, kind, a plugged in father, someone who shares the load and shows he likes you then you have to do some serious soul searching.

If he’s not then that may explain things and work is needed.

Marmite27 · 31/12/2018 08:56

All these people are missing three point I think OP.

I’ve felt the same, but all mine has done is mope around saying he’s got headache and snapped at the children and I.

Where as he’s usually proactive with what needs doing at home, he’s had to be prompted to pick up a crying baby and feed the toddler

I’m glad he’s in work today so I can try and make order out of chaos!

TheOxymoron · 31/12/2018 09:02

I think there is so much expectation to perform over Christmas.
It’s a time of being together and you will enjoy it kind of thing. It doesn’t feel like a choice.
For those saying the OP is unreasonable, we are all different. Maybe it isn’t the time together but the terms of the time together.
For example, if it was summer time, there could have days out together.

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