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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for not enjoying Christmas time off together?

42 replies

stiltonontoast · 30/12/2018 22:17

Feeling like I’m being massively unreasonable here, but...

I haven’t really enjoyed my time off over Christmas or my DH being around for a whole week either. I feel anxious and annoyed constantly.

Usually I work 2 days a week and I’m a SAHM the other 3 days while my DH works. I find this gives me a perfect balance of me time / work time / mum time. I think being out of this routine has made me feel overwhelmed and anxious. All the necessary Christmas socialising and bobbing about.. it’s not for me! I actually can’t wait to get back to work and my precious days alone with my Ds.

I just wondered if anyone felt the same.

OP posts:

SnuggyBuggy · 31/12/2018 09:08

I get what you mean. I love my family but remember feeling almost like we were in the Big Brother house. I think the crap weather and friends being unavailable kind of added to it.

GlamourBear · 31/12/2018 09:14

Our house is rather messy, we're completely out of routine and have eaten way too much rubbish food but I've had the best week off with my DH and DS. This year we decided not to travel much so have enjoyed some lovely times with family and friends that live close by and just being at home together. These times are precious and I have absolutely made the most of it However, I will really enjoy getting the house back into order when DH returns to work in a few days and I am back to being at work for 2.5 days!

FickleFingers · 31/12/2018 09:39

I don't think people are being harsh, imagine if her husband posted that he couldn't wait to get back to work away from OP.....

SnuggyBuggy · 31/12/2018 09:46

Some people probably do feel like they can't wait to get back to work after Christmas

Original poster

stiltonontoast · 31/12/2018 09:52

Thanks for your insights! Nice to hear from fellow introverts that kind of get what I mean.

I didn't mean it to come out as harsh as it did regarding DH - I love him very much but he is quite intense and very social so this Christmas he's wanted to see people and do things a lot more than I am comfortable with. Usually when we spend the weekend together we have one busy social day and then a lazier day, which is a good balance for us both. Christmas has been predominantly social and at times a bit stressy for me and I think I am just craving those days I get to myself a bit - perhaps it is selfish.

OP posts:

Girlicorne · 31/12/2018 09:59

I ve loved my time off and happy to still have almost a week left but as a family we are quite selfish, we won't host anyone or go anywhere Christmas Day and we come away for New Year so I can see why people find the socialising part of it hard. I ve read so many threads on here over Christmas that makes me wonder why people don't just say no to the seemingly thousands of demanding relatives and do their own thing!

PumpkinPie2016 · 31/12/2018 10:00

I don't think the OP is suggesting that she doesn't love her husband or want to spend time with him - I read it more that the activities they have been doing have made her feel a bit worn out?

I work full time in a demanding job and we have one 5 year old son. My husband now works very part time on a self employed basis (he gave up full time due to health reasons). I have been off since th 21st and go back on the 7th - we have had a brilliant week hosting/seeing family and friends but it has been hectic and we are both now looking forward to a few quieter days! Nothing wrong with that.

Adversecamber22 · 31/12/2018 10:13

DH is home for two weeks. We had a great day yesterday and had friends round for a lunch that ended up a seven hour affair. I always like some time alone and he is the same, so after a cuppa and kitchen clear up together we sat in different rooms. He watched his tv programme and I went on my games console before bedtime

If you asked people what I’m like they would say very sociable, I have hosted three times over Christmas and also gone along to a community lunch on Boxing Day with DH. But we both need some time alone and are happy to say this and do things apart it’s what has made us compatible for 22 years. It’s nothing to do with love at all. I adored my ex he was delightful but wanted a 24/7 relationship constantly, he needed someone that was the same as him. I would class myself as a very sociable introvert which seems contradictory but that’s me.

Meredith501 · 31/12/2018 10:31

I get what you're saying.

My dh works shift so I am used to having the majority of evenings to myself and he is used to having the house to himself during the day.

We're both off work over Christmas and since Christmas Eve, we have either had people to our house or gone to other people's houses for day long visits.

Last night was the first night that we sat down and watched a film together and other than asking "do you want anything from the kitchen", we sat in in silence. It was bliss.

CookPassBabtridge · 31/12/2018 10:37

Your opinion is normal from my experience, everyone I know can't wait for their husbands/partners to get back to work Mine works from home so I'm used to having him around all the time.

gamerchick · 31/12/2018 10:42

I love him very much but he is quite intense and very social so this Christmas he's wanted to see people and do things a lot more than I am comfortable with

Ah that makes more sense, so he's sucked you dry then? Yeah you'll definitely be ready for some down time to recharge batteries. Send him to the next shindig on his own.

gamerchick · 31/12/2018 10:45

Mine hasnt really been off work, in fact he's been working more because it's Christmas. It's me that's bored out me head off work. But if he was off work there would be a point I'd be chasing him into the mancave for a breather, love him dearly though I do.

Stefoscope · 31/12/2018 14:47

I think that's fair enough. I need quite a lot of alone time and I must admit I'm ready to get back to work and my usual routine now. Normally we just have one day a week off together, so the cabin fever is starting to set in a bit now. DP and I have quite different ideas on what makes a good week off from work. He quite happily sleeps in all morning then will be on his PlayStation most of the day. Which is fair enough to spend a few days doing that, but it does get monotonous having to listen to it for hours day in day out.

Wheresmrlion · 31/12/2018 16:13

I get you.

We’ve had three weeks together and are starting to snipe a bit! Obviously we’ve had lots of nice times together and in many ways it’s lovely to have an extra pair of hands to help with our preschoolers. I love my husband very much and enjoy our time as a family. But i’m also looking forward to getting my routine back and not having to think about another adult’s way of doing things. Illness and socialising have taken up a lot of time this holiday and I’m hoping for some more peaceful days ahead.

You’re not selfish, perhaps next year book in some ‘going nowhere seeing no one’ family only days over the holiday so you know you’ve got some respite?

ForalltheSaints · 31/12/2018 16:19

I am with you on this one. Always tried to keep the time off over Christmas to a minimum, so can have a break in February, and it does avoid the imbalance the OP talks about.

FickleFingers · 31/12/2018 16:40

I get more of what you're saying now, I originally read your post as meaning you have had enough of him and wanted to ship him off back to work 😂
I think I am bitter though, we both work full time (I have two jobs so currently more than full time hours!) so these few weeks over Christmas with the husband and kids have been precious to me.....
I'll get off my high horse now

missesschmisses · 31/12/2018 16:56

I understand what you are saying OP- I feel very similar. My DP has been v grumpy over the holidays as we haven't done as many things as he has planned as our toddler makes plans tricky sometimes! He said to me the other day 'this has been the Christmas of disappointments' which really upset me as I've tried hard to make it a nice time of year, seeing lots of his family, nice gifts etc.

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