Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To have zero sympathy

41 replies

Itsmemargie · 30/12/2018 09:49

Mil has come to visit and she’s lovely and I love spending time with her, I also work nights and as it’s the Xmas period I cannot have annual leave.

Dh has had 2 weeks off so far.

Last night before I went for a night shift I cooked a lamb roast and pudding, served it, tidied up and off I went with apologises to mil.

I woke up at 9am this morning and dh is still snoring next to me? Mil is up with the dc.

Turns out after I left for work dh has gone to bed with a stomach ache, he’s left mil to bath kids, put them to bed, tidy up after dinner and also get up with the kids.

I’ve asked him if he took pain killers and the answer is no as usual!

He said now taken paracetamol begrudgingly and is moping around

Aibu? I have zero sympathy. Just take painkillers if you are in pain.

OP posts:

katykins85 · 30/12/2018 09:51

God I HATE this, I'd have zero sympathy too.

123qw · 30/12/2018 09:54

YANBU why is trying to be a hero. mine does the same, annoying. Just take a tablet and stop moaning

3boysandabump · 30/12/2018 10:05

I'm the same as your dh and it drives my dh mad. I mean I still get on with everything when I'm ill but I'm very reluctant to take painkillers. No idea why

stopitandtidyupp · 30/12/2018 10:18

I'm the same as your dh and it drives my dh mad. I mean I still get on with everything when I'm ill but I'm very reluctant to take painkillers. No idea why

Me too. I like to know how I am actually feeling not block the pain pathways and my kidneys have to detox it.

Which is stupid since I drink alcohol.
Silly really.

CripsSandwiches · 30/12/2018 10:20

HE doesn't have to take painkillers if he's still going to get in with everything but he can't mope about when there's a solution available.

PoliticalBiscuit · 30/12/2018 10:23

You can complain once you've had pain relief. Glad that he has burdened his own mother and not you with his moping though! Make him get up so you can sleep guilt free knowing you are not adding to her burden by getting well needed rest.

GnomeDePlume · 30/12/2018 10:26

My DH used to mope around feeling ill but not wanting to take anything to help with symptoms. One day I broke, he complained about a headache:

Me: Have you taken paracetamol?
Him: No, I dont want to take tablets
Me: Okay, suffer then. I will sympathise if you try to help yourself but if you dont then I'm not interested

That was years ago, now he knows he has to try to help himself.

AloneLonelyLoner · 30/12/2018 10:28

Paracetamol won’t help a stomach ache really. But YANBU, give him a kick. Go to bed.

Original poster

Itsmemargie · 30/12/2018 10:33

I’m downstairs with mil. He’s cooking breakfast. He didn’t even make mil a cup of tea when he finally got up, it’s just basic manners.

OP posts:

Grace212 · 30/12/2018 10:39

does he really have stomach ache or just putting it on to get out of dealing with DC?

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2018 10:42

Is he actually asking for sympathy though?

Is it possible his mum just suggested he goes to bed, as she's happy to take care of the kids etc?

I'm not really getting why it's made you annoyed.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 30/12/2018 10:43

Your DH is off for 2 weeks while you're working night shifts, and yet you're still doing the bulk of the hosting work by the sounds of it? And its his mother your hosting? And he has her get on with the childcare when you go to work, too?1

Selfish arse you've got there ... apparently women's work to cook, clean and look after the children? I would have loud, angry words for him, frankly.

easielouisi · 30/12/2018 10:43

I just say "it's clearly not that bad then!" then dish out some jobs

Livingthedream44 · 30/12/2018 10:47

It depends on the situation.
I still haven't found any medication that helps my migraines and I have found taking some tablets actually prolongs the attack (multiple visual stages etc) rather than if I just let it run its course naturally.

As regards going to bed though - if there was someone to help with the kids who was willing to do that - then yes I would welcome that!
Usually as a single mum I have no choice but to carry on.

bifflediffle · 30/12/2018 10:48

Did his mum mind?

SilverBirchTree · 30/12/2018 10:49

this drives me nuts. YANBU

Maryann1975 · 30/12/2018 10:55

My dh is the same and it drives me mad. He had a cold recently and wanted to sit and mope. Paracetamol are 20p a packet, take them and get on with your life. I have no sympathy if he won’t take a tablet, it’s not like I’m asking him to take something really obscure, but a paracetamol or the cold and flu tablets really won’t cause him any harm if he takes them to get through the day.

And saying paracetamol won’t help stomach ache, I’d think it depends why he has a stomach ache tbh. If it was caused by a bug, probably not, but other conditions might be eased by pain killers.

Original poster

Itsmemargie · 30/12/2018 11:02

Worra yes he is, he’s huffing, complaining being a general martyr. It’s boring.

Mil is now baking with dd and asking about bits etc and he’s huffing because he wants to sit and watch tv.

OP posts:

Bluelady · 30/12/2018 11:02

No sympathy at all. If you're in pain, take painkillers. Otherwise drop the dying duck in a thunderstorm act.

ForalltheSaints · 30/12/2018 11:04

As long as you are only taking them when you are ill, as opposed to like sweets because you overindulge/don't go to bed at a reasonable hour (or other things that can easily be fixed), then yes you should.

As for sympathy, didn't we decide as a country to abolish it in May 1979?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/12/2018 11:05

What's to do with him? I wouldn't take pain killers for a stomach ache tbh. Was he trying it on so he didn't have to sort the dc out?

FlamingJuno · 30/12/2018 11:07

Well, he's clearly an arse but I wouldn't be wasting any sympathy on his mother either because she raised him to be like this. In fact, why don't you sit and watch tv with him and leave herto get on with it.

YesSheCan · 30/12/2018 11:11

Doctor here. I hear lots of people say they didn't take painkillers because they 'didn't want to mask the pain' ie they wouldn't know if something serious was going on if they took something to reduce the pain.

A couple of paracetamol is not going to mask serious pain - if you're really sick, paracetamol won't stop you knowing about it. But a couple of paracetamol can help relieve a relatively mild but niggling ache so you can get on with your day. Tell your DH that it's perfectly safe to take some and get on with it! Then if the pain is no better or he feels worse and worse, you'll know something more serious is going on.

HarrySnotter · 30/12/2018 11:23

DH is driving me nuts with this just now. His back has been bad for about three weeks and he hasn't taken any painkillers at all. He refuses to take them. Instead, he screams, moans, swears and makes everyone around him miserable. I think it's been going on long enough and he needs to seek help but he refuses to do that too. I swear to god no jury in the land would convict me if I lost my shit and smothered him with a pillow right now.

starzig · 30/12/2018 11:26

I wouldnt take paracetamol for a stomach ache. But as there is not much you can do for him tell him to go back to bed for a bit then you don't need to watch him mope.

Flip

1 2