About DP's behaviour?

[dupi]

Our relationship has been a bit rocky for a while.
We went out last night and were having a really good night until about 3am when his mood completely switched and he was convinced someone had stole from him (seemed weird to me as we surely would've seen that).
We'd been speaking to a couple of girls most the night.
When he realised someone had stolen from him (?), he shouted at me in the pub and was getting really angry and in an already drunken state, I got emotional and we went outside to talk.
Girl 1 came out and comforted me and he was so rude and told her to 'go the fuck back inside'.
Girl 2 came out and he smashed a drink out of her hand (so it went all over me), and called her a slag!!!!
I told him to get his stuff and not come near me after that and he told me I was the worst person, worst girlfriend and that I should be backing him up in a situation like that.
Was I being unreasonable because it doesn't feel like it????

You have a child? Even more reason. You can’t honestly think his behaviour is ok? If I behaved badly when drinking then I would never drink again. If you stay with him then your child will grow up thinking rocky and abusive is ok.

Run for the hills! My abusive ex started like this!

@Wolfiefan I think from the OP you can tell I think it's so far from okay!! I'm still in complete shock from the situation.

I haven't spoke to him this morn but I'm convinced that he will stick think that he was 75% in the right and I should've 'had his back' in a situation like that

He can think what he likes, it doesn't make it true. If this is the type of behaviour that's made your relationship rocky recently then it's time to get out before he does more damage.

If you stay you’re showing him you think it’s ok. In shock? So he has never ever behaved like this before?

@MortyVicar this isn't the type of behaviour that makes our relationship rocky- although we very rarely drink and there's usually some sort of incident like this if we ever have (not to this level at all though!!)

@wo

He is responsible for his own behaviour. If he has never been like this in 3 years, i’d give him one more chance (once he knew exactly what he had done and only if he really was very sorry); he needs to control himself (and alcohol consumption).

@Wolfiefan Not to that extent. I never would've thought he'd do anything of the sort like smashing the glass out of her hand and calling her a slag.

He sounds exactly like my sil boyfriend. He acts like a tit when he drinks. I remember one occasion my dh got shoved of sil boyfriend for no reason because they had been out at the pub, unfortunately my sil won't leave him because they have two beautiful kids who we adore. Don't use kids as an excuse to stay unhappy or open to being abused just because he's had a drink.

I spoke to him very briefly on the phone before and he's apologising that when he smashed the drink out of her hand that it went all over me but saying that's all he'll apologise for, saying that I hurt him by not supporting him when he'd been stolen from. I honestly can't believe the person I've been with for 3 years doesn't understand why this is unacceptable and feel more disappointed in myself more than anything right now!!!

So each time he sees you accept behaviour that isn’t acceptable. He’s pushed the boundaries more this time. What next? A punch? Grabbing someone by the throat?

So everything else he thinks is fine? What a piece of work.

@Wolfiefan exactly. I'm disgusted. He thinks I'm being completely unreasonable. Even if he hadn't stepped over the line and knocked the drink out of her hand, I am disgusted that he - as a father - can call any woman a 'slag'. I'm ashamed!

Ah i believe that is an non apology.

He's a complete twunt and needs to be disposed of before he starts on you. I just watched an interview with Tina Turner who was in an abusive relationship with husband Ike. Asked "why didnt you leave before?" She said "I didn't see a way out. The way out was through the door, but I couldn't see it then ." Door's over there, OP, better use it. Good luck.

I think you know what to do. It's not easy. It's not straightforward. But if you don't leave you will be increasingly unsafe and it will affect your child permanently.

I just feel so lost with this. He's majoritively a good partner. An excellent and caring father. We have a good family unit. I'm just appalled by his behaviour... and then thinking it's okay!!

OP. That's who he is. The door's still over there.

Definitely sounds like cocaine to me.

Not disgusted enough to dump him?
I also suspect you’re minimising his earlier behaviour and how “rocky” things have been.

Any apology that begins with "I'm sorry but..." isn't an apology. I would start making plans to leave him ASAP, I know it's not as easy as putting all his clothes in a bin bag and chucking them out the window, but can you get out of there with your DC for now? Can you go and stay with someone else for a while until you can make plans to leave him permanently. Speak to Women's Aid, they will be able to advise you on the technicalities.

What did he think had been stolen and Why?
Still no need to kick off at you and the girls.
My ds frequently loses things when out drinking but doesn't act like that. (His friends usually find them. One was an expensive leather jacket he said had been "stolen" .it was on the back of a chair. I m sure his gf wouldn't put up with the crap you did).
Didn't know you had dc. Even more reason to break up.
One night he will hurt someone and be arrested. That's a whole pile of trouble.
By the way the glass smashing was dangerous. My ds had a glass smashed on him. We were in A and E pretty soon as it cut an artery.

@Wolfiefan the 'rockiness' isn't anything to do with aggression or anything like that.

@yawning801 it's my home. He's gone to stay at his mum's.

@recklessruby He thought money had been stolen. Honestly, on calculation today and after 4 hours out, I think he just wasn't keeping track of his spendings!!!

Your first post said rocky. You’re now posing him as an excellent father and a caring partner. Honestly you’re sounding like you’re minimising his previous behaviour.