DF has Alzheimer's and has had for three or so years. He can do personal care, but is frail and his short term memory is shot. His DP has been with him for 25 years- my DM died 37 years ago. She has lived with him, both of them eschewing marriage because of their own children and inheritance complications. She has rented out her flat since then, but refuses to move back in as she needs the money, apparently.They had many and frequent holidays abroad every year and DF treated DP as a defacto wife.
DF's DP had an abusive and bizarre childhood followed by an early marriage to a wastrel, alcoholic and womaniser, sadly having 3 children die at various ages.
After her divorce she hooked up with DF and things went well for many years. She is now very conflicted, as she can't come to terms with his illness as she obvs resents DF for his illness and thinks that despite his diagnosis he is 'putting it on'. DF is very easy to manage once you distract him from the constant repetition.
Both she and my DB have more or less said that I should be involved on a daily basis, despite there being care for 2x2 hours and 2x6 hours a week plus my half day at weekends. DF's DP has refused daily social care to help with DF's frailty, my offers of doing the heavy shopping or getting in more cleaning support.
I am due to retire in a few weeks, going on holiday then shortly moving house after which I intend looking for a part time job, but... DF's DP has been very short with me and has exploded at me for not doing more. I have power of attorney and deal with all the financials, insurance, bank, utilities etc having relinquished dealing with the care aspects as I have been the butt of both DB and DF's DP ire for not getting things done quickly enough via social work.
AIBU to feel guilty when in my heart of hearts I know that I have done/am doing a lot, especially when DF has said he wants me to lead my own life...?