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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask you about bigger age gaps.

39 replies

Soconfusedbylife · 29/12/2018 22:54

My eldest is 7 and I’m starting to get broody. So please tell me about how practical a 7-8 year age gap is.

OP posts:

MrsBlondie · 29/12/2018 22:55

I have a 6.5 year agw gap. Planned. Boy now age 12.5 and girl is 6.
Its fine. It was easy when daughter was a baby too.
There are cons but I bet there are with every age gap.

Lovingbenidorm · 29/12/2018 22:59

There are 6 yrs between me and my sister. There were times when we were too far apart in age to get on well (I was a pain in the arse ) but now we are all grown up we are very close.
Had a 10yr gap with 2 of my dc and never was an issue.
Older one v protective and younger one v proud!

Ploverlover · 29/12/2018 22:59

7 here. The terrible twos with the younger one led to some conflict, and there are pros and cons, but you're never going to make the gap smaller now, so crack on!

If we have number 3, it'll be a massive gap between oldest and youngest.

Readysteadygoat · 29/12/2018 23:00

I've had 2 6 year age gaps.

The benefits are
1st child is usually at school
Older child is more self sufficient

The negatives are
School run with baby
Older child may struggle to adapt after years as an only child
Fewer shared interests - in 2 years time I'll likely have a 2yo who wants to watch a U, a 9yo who wants to watch a 12a and a 14yo who wants to watch a 15
Most mum friends had 2nd babies years ago so your almost starting again

Readysteadygoat · 29/12/2018 23:01

You're!

birdiewoof · 29/12/2018 23:03

I have 3 children, 12, almost 11, and almost 2. I’ve had tiny age gap and then a big one. Pros and cons to both. Was able to enjoy the youngest more. But school runs were stressful 🤣 what I struggle with the most is entertaining them in the school holidays.

MrsBlondie · 29/12/2018 23:04

I loved doing the school run - gets you out the house twice a day!
My eldest had no trouble adapting. Just make sure you treat them same and let them know they are still loved

halfemptynest · 29/12/2018 23:09

Almost ten years between my two! Much more chilled second time around and they're very close. Youngest is now 13. It's amazing how many people ask if they have the same father - they do, but really is it anyone's business?! Other than that, no downside!

mortifiedmama · 29/12/2018 23:11

There are pros and cons. I'm 6 yrs older than my sister (and 10+ than my brothers). We are not close. I hated it growing up, we were never at the same stage, into the same things etc. Days out were usually focused on the younger ones and I tagged along.

KoshaMangsho · 29/12/2018 23:12

5 years. No problem. The oldest adores his brother. Smaller one adores his big brother. Mat leave was easier because one was in school. The older one is self sufficient. I think DS1 has enjoyed doing childish things again with his brother. Honestly we don’t have any real negatives.

Original poster

Soconfusedbylife · 29/12/2018 23:14

Please keep them coming!

My 7 year old would love a baby sibling. It does worry me starting again although I feel I’d be calmer and probably a better parent this time round.

I’m thinking it will be difficult finding activities to suit the age gap though so it will cater for one or the other.

OP posts:

halfemptynest · 29/12/2018 23:21

I know what you mean about activities suiting one age better than the other. In practice I found mixing it up meant the older child can 'lead' or assist the younger child or the younger child grows up with fond memories of being somewhere/involved in a family activity they was perhaps a bit beyond them or 'more exciting'. I know the age gap gave my eldest an excuse to be able to enjoy soft play when it was no longer cool

CelticPromise · 29/12/2018 23:25

7 years here. I didn't plan it, but it's how long it took. Works fine, we and they don't know any different.

sunshineandshowers21 · 29/12/2018 23:31

there’s 7 years between my eldest and middle children. i always wanted a small age gap because there’s only 18 months between me and my sister and we’re really close but i then had my first son at 15 so a small age gap wasn’t an option! i had my second son when my first was 7 and although they are close they have a tendency to wind each other up relentlessly! they also don’t tend to play together much as my eldest is into playing his xbox and riding his bike and my youngest likes playing make believe and with toys so they don’t have much in common.

thisonebreath · 29/12/2018 23:40

I've got DD3 who is 3 months and DDs 1 & 2 who are 10 & 8. They LOVE her, they want to cuddle and play with her, help me with her and delight in making her laugh.
They're at school in the day so it's peaceful and chilled and they adore showing her off to their friends when I collect them.
I feel confident because it's not my first rodeo. So far there are no cons at the age gap. Unlike between the two of them... everyone said have two close together as they'll be best friends... they're not.

thishouseisashittip · 30/12/2018 00:03

My eldest is 25 next is 18 and last is 7 . I have loved the big age gaps. Not planned as such, had first at 18 and then wanted to wait until we were married for the second one. Was extremely ill on the second one so said no more!! Hit 34/35 and got broody BAD! . Pros and cons like others have said I guess, I wouldn't have done it differently though

bringmethehumous · 30/12/2018 00:30

There’s 71/2 years between my first and middle child. Not planned that way just the way it worked out and it has mostly been great. The eldest is now an adult and has a loving, funny but protective relationship with both younger siblings (only a year between them and I do not recommend that!) they have less in common with each other than they both have with their big sister.

KoshaMangsho · 30/12/2018 08:48

Honestly activities aren’t such a big problem. Go swimming. Go to the park. Some things we do separately. Music lessons for DS1 and he has a space in his room to play board games or do stuff that he doesn’t want his sibling to destroy.

What was truly funny was that having a sibling turned DS1 into some sort of cliche of a competitive yummy mummy. He was very into (and still is) how his sibling was doing compared to other babies. I once took him to a playgroup in the school holidays and he told several other first time mothers how his brother was doing XYZ that ‘this other baby is not.’ I have no bloody idea where he got it from (he’s quite competitive naturally) because it’s absolutely not the kind of thing we would discuss. It was deeply mortifying and quite hilarious.

RolandDeschainsGilly · 30/12/2018 09:18

My DCs are 14, 10, 8 and 2.

The 14 and 10 year old are lovely with toddler. She goes to them for quiet cuddles whilst they read to her, which they do happily.

Toddler goes to my 8 year old for wild play 8 year old has been a bit down in the dumps as her older siblings won’t play like that with her any more but now she has a new best friend for imaginative play (read - running around screeching like harpies )

ILovePierceBrosnan · 30/12/2018 09:23

I had a small gap then a big gap. Pluses and minuses to both. The main minus in the large gap was that I felt I’d been held in a parenting ‘mode’ for yrs and yrs and yrs.

Other mums cried at the last nativity/school play they ever watched...I was inwardly whooping having watched 17 of the godawful things.

puzzledlady · 30/12/2018 09:25

Seven year age gap between me and my brother, then another 7 year age gap between me and my younger sister - we don’t notice it at all, me and my brother have children about the same age (him a dd 6, a ds aged 1, me a dd aged 4 ds aged 2) so my younger sisters children will be a little younger than ours but that’s about the difference really.

Needmorewine · 30/12/2018 09:30

5.8 years here - absolutely love it ! We made sure DC1 was very involved from the beginning, decorating nursery , chosing baby bits. We’re all really enjoying having a baby and the joy DC1 gets from having a sibling is wonderful. 6 year gap with my own sister and currently have a headache from the amount of prosecco we consumed together last night . Don’t find doing the school run particularly problematic in fact I like the fact it gets me out the house and in a routine more. Love the age gap at the moment !

Needmorewine · 30/12/2018 09:32

kosha I really laughed at your
Older DCs competitive parenting

belleandsnowwhite · 30/12/2018 09:33

I have 10 years between oldest and middle child mine are 17, 6, and 4. The hardest thing has been planning holidays and day trips, but it still worked ok, just had to plan a bigger mix of things and they all love the pool and beach. Oldest will happily do the younger activites and help with the children but we make sure to include stuff she will enjoy too, like theme parks or shopping trips.

larry55 · 30/12/2018 09:44

I have a 2 year and a15 year age gap. Eldest ds was like a second parent to dd as he was 18 when she was born and they are still very close as he is now 44 and she is 26. Ds2 was very jealous as he had been the youngest for so long but now he is 42 he gets on well with her.

Neither of my ds have children but dd has a ds and it was lovely to see all the siblings together and playing with dgs at Christmas.

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