To not go on date with guy I met online because I am too fat

[startrekk]

I am 5ft6 and until last year was always around 12 stone and a size 12. I looked average body shape at this weight. Not skinny but healthy. Due to being put on anti-depressants and thyroid medication, as well as comfort eating I have ballooned to 15 stone. 3 stone weight gain within 12 months.

I decided enough was enough last week and I have returned to my previous diet prior to putting on the weight. I have lost 3 pounds and I am looking forward to getting back into shape.

I set up a tinder last year but never bothered with it. I got a message on there last week and thought there is no harm in replying. We've now been chatting for a week and get on great via phone so he has invited me on a date. He asked to meet tomorrow but I made an excuse so he has asked me to meet in 5 days time. I have said yes so far but I am dreading going as my pics are from when I was two stone lighter.

I don't think it is fair to turn up looking as bad as I do now without sending a recent picture. AIBU to not go as i feel ugly and fat right now?

Even if i sent a recent picture I am not sure it would be realistic as I look quite different in pics.

AIBU to not go?

What would you do?

A lot of people look different in photos than real life.... and only choose the best ones, they aren’t always a real representation of how someone looks day to day.
How would you feel about maybe being honest with him and telling him you feel a bit self conscious as you have gained a bit of weight and it’s making you feel insecure about meeting? If he is someone worth knowing/getting to know he should still want to meet, if not then you have filtered out a bad one!!
Good luck x

Just go along and be yourself!
Good luck and take care.

You should tell him the truth. It's not fair otherwise.

Turn up.
If you have enjoyed chatting to him so far, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. For all you know, he may not look exactly like his photos either! Nothing ventured - nothing gained.
Good luck.

Don't be unfair to either of you. Send him a face and full length photo so he knows what you really look like. 3 stone is a significant difference.

This is really tough! I want to say size doesn't matter and skinny isn't attractive but confidence is! But I spent my 20s being overweight so I know how it affects how you feel.

I guess how would you feel if he looked different to his pictures? I don't think I'd care really, if we'd been messaging and got on really well that'd be the main thing.

And you're planning on getting fitter (think fit, not thin!) So could you message saying you're currently getting back into shape, see how he responds to that?

Urg but then if he doesn't like you as you are now, he won't be a guy worth his salt anyway.

Could you Skype? FaceTime?

Ok, take a step back, how will you feel if he isn't interested, will you thi i it's just you don't have anything in common or will you relate it to your weight? How will it impact your diet?

Will you be able to go and have fun and not be self conscious? If the answer is yes, go.but if you're going to sit being all odd about it, then don't.

The likely hood is he won't care or even really notice.

I agree with Aquamarine. Tell him the truth. I met my wife on an on-line dating site and she did not have any photo. I fell in love with her personality and sense of humour. When we met I saw how beautiful she was, she is still beautiful to me 18 years later.
Go for it.

Do you have a recent flattering photograph? I agree, write and say this photo is more up to date. I am sure he will still want to meet you. But if he doesn't then at least you know and you didn't waste any good lip gloss

Try not to put yourself down, you are battering your self esteem.

You should 100% go. You will always wonder what would be if you dont. You could always tell him you feel insecure because of x, y and z. However if i was you I'd wear something i felt confident in, have a blow dry and see what happens. If it doesn't work out it isn't over the 2stone thats for sure! Good luck!

I’m 5’6 and weigh 12 stone. I’m a size 16 though! To get into a normal run of the mill 12 I need to be 10 stone.
Missing point of thread, I hope you go and have a great time. If your size is a problem, he’s not worth it. Xxxx

This is a tough one. As someone who has done a fair bit of internet dating, I can tell you that, however well you get on via chat/phone, it IS disappointing to get ready for a date only to find that the person you’ve agreed to meet is significantly older/fatter/whatever than their pics suggest.

I don’t think you can turn up without sending a recent photo of yourself. If he doesn’t care and still wants to meet you for a date then great. If he doesn’t, then fair enough.

Try changing your thought process round? I.e. think about what you want from a relationship / partner, whether you will like him, etc.

You might be his perfect match, you might not. But you can't second guess that from a brief online chat. You can only know what you're looking for.

So I'd just go, set your hopes on having a nice drink / dinner and conversation with someone you wouldn't usually meet. If it turns out to be more than that great, enjoy it. If not, you haven't lost anything.

I would send an up to date photo, if he then ghosts or whatever it’s much easier than him saying something on the date. It’s fairer on you both (I’m overweight and deliberately post full length photos to demonstrate my size).

I would be honest. Explain what happened and that you're on a plan to get back to normal but that you're not wishing to be accused of catfishing (or whatever it's called).

This time last year I'd had a few dates with someone who knew what size I'd ballooned to, but it still felt wrong in person. I wish I had made sure he was definitely aware of exactly how large I was/am. It might just have been the way he was but I got the feeling he wasn't into being seen with me. I left his early on new years day and didn't see him again. I'm now with someone who finds me sexy even with my wobbles

Just go! It’s always possible that he is 3 stoned heavier than his tinder pic

I had this exact experience. Different reason for weight gain and met on fb but...

I met him anyway and am now married to him.

I did 'fess up but he was a keeper as it turned out

Tell him and give him a chance to show what he's made of. Don't assume it'll be an issue until it is.

Go along anyway! If you already seem to get on well that's a great start. Pick something nice to wear, smile and be friendly, and just get to know each other as human beings. Nearly all of us aren't supermodels and people of all appearances can find the right partner. Hope you have a lovely time

My experience of online dating is that men are shorter, older and balder than their photos! I say go for it anyway.

Just be honest and say you're really feeling insecure and have had a bit of a relax this Christmas and now you're panicking that you look different than your profile.

Send him a couple of current pics, or add him.on social media and update some pics there innocently and see if he still wants to meet.

I really can't imagine that he will say no! But my anxiety wouldn't cope otherwise!

I am 5ft6 and until last year was always around 12 stone and a size 12.

I’m 5’ 5 and also wear a size 12 at 12 stone. I was told on MN that I must be lying because nobody my height could be a size 12 at that weight. Totally missing the point of the thread but it’s nice to meet a similarly ‘dense’ person

P.S. I have gained five stones in the past year due to poor mental health and binge eating. I basically never want to leave my house anymore so I understand why you would consider cancelling

I would say something and/or send a current picture and make it clear that it's fine if he would prefer to call it off. I would do this mostly to protect myself from the kind of person who would be deliberately or thoughtlessly cruel. But I wouldn't just call the date off myself, because he might be lovely!

I'd tell him you've put 3 stone on since pic and send him a recent one and tell him you'd understand if he didn't want to meet up - it would be very awkward otherwise if he is only wanting to meet up because of what you looked like, plus that would make him a no-no in my book in any case but at least you'd know without feeling uncomfortable

I wouldn't worry. He'll be 10 years older , uglier and a couple of stone heaver. Just dress nicely, smile and look confident.

When I first met DP online I arranged a date with him and then sent him a full length photo saying “if you’re looking for skinny, you can bail now!” He replied that skinny was not high on his list of priorities, that I looked great and we will either hit it off or not, but either way would have a nice night. Best first date of all time

Turns out his type is usually blonde and skinny, I’m dark and short and currently a size 16, but hey, I’m still fucking fabulous

Send him a message saying you haven’t been on the app for a while so the pics are out of date, so if he’s looking for skinny hes shit out of luck, but that you’ve got on well so would be interested to meet him - see what he says. His reply will tell you a lot about him!

Turns out both DP and are were at our lowest weight when we met but luckily we still fancy each other a bit bigger too. There are so many more important things in life.