To not go on date with guy I met online because I am too fat

[startrekk]

I am 5ft6 and until last year was always around 12 stone and a size 12. I looked average body shape at this weight. Not skinny but healthy. Due to being put on anti-depressants and thyroid medication, as well as comfort eating I have ballooned to 15 stone. 3 stone weight gain within 12 months.

I decided enough was enough last week and I have returned to my previous diet prior to putting on the weight. I have lost 3 pounds and I am looking forward to getting back into shape.

I set up a tinder last year but never bothered with it. I got a message on there last week and thought there is no harm in replying. We've now been chatting for a week and get on great via phone so he has invited me on a date. He asked to meet tomorrow but I made an excuse so he has asked me to meet in 5 days time. I have said yes so far but I am dreading going as my pics are from when I was two stone lighter.

I don't think it is fair to turn up looking as bad as I do now without sending a recent picture. AIBU to not go as i feel ugly and fat right now?

Even if i sent a recent picture I am not sure it would be realistic as I look quite different in pics.

AIBU to not go?

What would you do?

You should send him a recent photo. 3 stone weight gain is significant

I’d tell him you’ve gained weight since your photo was taken. No point wasting either of your time if it’s going to be an issue for him.

“He'll be 10 years older , uglier and a couple of stone heavier.”

And if he is misrepresenting himself, then he’s use to his date’s face recompoainf her face when she realises that’s her date and he’s use to the rejection from women he’s chosen to deceive. Or do you seriously think women will just say that’s alright, it’s all about his personality isn’t it.

They don’t.

And the OP doesn’t need to set herself up for that sort of rejection.

If you are getting on then chat and tell him - say you feel uncomfortable and you don't want to mislead him but you're hoping it won't be a 'thing' (& if he is a decent guy it won't be and if he isn't then you've dodged a bullet!).

Also, I'm aware this has been done to death on numerous threads but it is fascinating (the differences in the height/weight/dress size measurements) - I'm 6' exactly and at 12 stone I'm a largish size 12 or mostly a size 14, at 15 stone I'm a size 18/20 - I'm currently 13 stone and a size 16. To be a size 12 I'd have to be 11 stone!

Definitely send an updated pic. I met a guy who I would have got in with no matter what his sexual but because he had shown me a pic up with him much thinner I couldn't get passed that. The trust just wouldn't have been there.

Size!! Not sexual!!

I think you should be upfront and honest with him.

3 stone is a massive difference.

I would probably text him a recent pic and say I look a bit different and update my pics immediately! We fat women can still get plenty of dates I promise you :)

Is he aware of the MH issues? I'd be honest- medication had caused some weight gain you're trying to deal with, here's a current photo and I'll see you on ...........date

I think you need to be honest OP - it's deceiving to post pictures of yourself when you're significantly bigger than your photo. It would be the same as posting a pic of yourself 10 years younger etc and could lead to an awkward situation.

And for those posting negatively about if your being 3 stone overweight affected him - we are all attracted to different types - some men/woman don't like skinny men/women just like some men/women don't find overweight men/women attractive. Sames goes for hair colour/short/tall etc delete as appropriate.

To recap - it's not about the weight for me, it's the dishonesty.

Be honest with him and send an up to date picture so he can make an informed decision. When men mislead women like this they get hammered on the Relationships board on MN so don't be like them. Honest and up front is the way to go. Good luck.

Please don't do the whole negative thing about yourself some folks are recommending,,the whole I feel self conscious, I'm on medication etc.

Just ask to swap full size photos and just don't comment. If you can go and not be self conscious, then dress well. Own it and have a blast.

Speaking from experience most men don’t care much about the difference between a size 12 and a size 16 if the woman’s body shape nips in at the waist. I was a size 14/16 at 15 stones and am a 10/14-16 at 12 stones!

I agree with PPs about being honest before you meet. When I used to online date, it killed it from the outset if his photo was taken ten years ago and he'd lied about his height or whatever. Their appearance wasn't a turn-off but the lack of honesty was.