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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a 4th child at 43

84 replies

Oldermummy2019 · 29/12/2018 19:04

Long story short devorced with 2 children, the met perfect husband 9 years ago. He had no children. I have older kids youngest is now a teenager. I agreed to have onother one who is now 2. It’s been such a great experience to have a child with a good man.

I feel broody, he would love another since the older kids will be off be off to university in a few years.

Money and space not an issue just the age .. I know people younger than me struggling to conceive.. will it be too indulgent to have another?

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 29/12/2018 20:25

It happens.
Personally I wouldn't. The risks are very high for DM and the unborn DC.
I would feel different if it was my first, or a long awaited baby but with 3 already I would count my blessings.
You would be 60 with 2 teens, I hear teens need as much support and tlc as toddlers.

EmeraldShamrock · 29/12/2018 20:30

Sylvanian Flowers

LRDtheFeministDragon · 29/12/2018 20:32

The risks are very high for DM and the unborn DC.

Such as?

currentcake · 29/12/2018 20:32

As long as you do research into risks such as high chance of MC, a baby with special needs etc and are capable (both of you) to be able to face that if anything was to happen then why the heck not.
Good luck to you SmileThanks

onemorego2019 · 29/12/2018 20:35

@SylvanianFrenemies love to you xx

Kintan · 29/12/2018 20:38

Why not give it a go OP, sounds like you’d regret not trying. Good luck :)

riotlady · 29/12/2018 20:39

Go for it!! :)

EmeraldShamrock · 29/12/2018 20:41

Increased chance of high blood pressure, pre-eclampsia and congenital birth defects.
I know all parents can get sick but been an older parent the chances are higher of an earlier death.
I am not trying to be mean, I said personally I would not risk it.

Whataboutbobbo · 29/12/2018 20:41

I would in your circumstances. It's not that old at all. Go for it.

JillScarlet · 29/12/2018 20:48

Nothing to lose by going for it, if another child is what you would both like.

I had my last at 43, no problems.

Dimsumlosesum · 29/12/2018 20:49

Well, it's up to you of course. I'd rather stab my own eyeballs out than go through all that hell again.

MaidenMotherCrone · 29/12/2018 20:51

Perimenopause / menopause with a small child no thank you. Many women sail through it and many women have an horrific time physically, mentally and emotionally.

neveradullmoment99 · 29/12/2018 20:57

Well to tip the balance, yes many do have issues but many don't. I was 39 when I had my dd, 40 with my ds, 43 with my dd. No problems. No issues. Al healthy babies and no issues with the birth.
Yes, it does increase the risks but many still have good pregnancies and children without any issues.

GottaLoveAnOtter · 29/12/2018 21:04

I was in a similar situation, grown up children from a first marriage, and with a lovely man who was younger than me and had no children and dearly wanted one, we decided to go for it and we now have a 3 yr old, conceived at 45 very easily, gave birth at 46. My older ones are 20 26 and 29 and I have grandchildren, it's not as easy as when I was in my 20s, by the evening I'm knackered! But I wouldn't change it. (Not having any more though!) Grin

help4 · 29/12/2018 21:08

Don't waste time if you are going to try. Smile
Good luck and I don't think 43 is old to have a baby at all.

makingmammaries · 29/12/2018 21:09

I had my fifth at 41. Dealing with teenagers in your forties is hard, so I’m wondering how it will be with my youngest - I’ll be in my 50s by then, and in my 60s before she is independent.

SylvanianFrenemies · 29/12/2018 21:10

Thanks @emeraldshamrock and @onemorego2019

FascinatingCarrot · 29/12/2018 21:12

You would be 60 with 2 teens, I hear teens need as much support and tlc as toddlers
Im in my late 40s and still have to work full time. I cant devote as much time as I want to to my 19yo uni son. Nor could I in his GCSEs or his BTEC.
In my 60's I will be retired
It works both ways.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 29/12/2018 21:13

emerald - I don't think you're being mean; I just think it is fair to be specific. I remember being absolutely terrified of 'massive' increased risks until I looked at the statistics, which were nothing like so bad as I thought.

The NHS site has pretty good guidance on this sort of thing.

AhoyDelBoy · 29/12/2018 21:24

SylvanianFrenemies Flowers

DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 29/12/2018 21:50

If you have the inclination and the energy then why not go for it?

(But I believe there is a greater chance of twins in pregnancies for 'older' women. And I mean older as in older for childbearing age rather than in your nineties older.)

I also assume you will take into account the risks associated with later pregnancies according to the NHS, but I assume you've already considered these as you've had a baby not that long ago.)

Original poster
Oldermummy2019 · 29/12/2018 22:00

I am so touched by all your messages, thank you so much. Yes I know there risks and we will have all the relevant scans if we got pregnant. I hope the thread gives hope to people who maybe worrying that it’s too late.
Thank you

OP posts:
kenandbarbie · 29/12/2018 22:01

My mum had me when she was 43 too. Neither of us had any health problems etc. I like to think I kept my parents having a younger outlook!! I am now 37 weeks pregnant too at exactly the same age as she was, due at 43 and one month. I had the harmony test at 10 weeks and all ok.

blackteasplease · 29/12/2018 22:05

Your bit about "having a child with a good man" really resonated with me. I had my two with a crap exh and really yearn for the idea of having kids with a good man. It's not going to be because I'm 40 now and wouldn't personally like to go back to the beginning. However a very good friend had her only at 42 and absolutely fine. So no reason why you can't especially as you've had others already.

Thewifipasswordis · 29/12/2018 22:14

Friend had her first at 46. Go for it 👍

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