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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a 4th child at 43

84 replies

Oldermummy2019 · 29/12/2018 19:04

Long story short devorced with 2 children, the met perfect husband 9 years ago. He had no children. I have older kids youngest is now a teenager. I agreed to have onother one who is now 2. It’s been such a great experience to have a child with a good man.

I feel broody, he would love another since the older kids will be off be off to university in a few years.

Money and space not an issue just the age .. I know people younger than me struggling to conceive.. will it be too indulgent to have another?

OP posts:

goodbyestranger · 29/12/2018 19:35

I had my eighth DC at your age OP and the birth was completely straightforward (the first three deliveries at a much younger age were all seriously complicated). Good idea and good luck.

SOSHelp · 29/12/2018 19:38

My grandmother had her fourth and final child at 45. She is still alive (though in her mid-90s), and she said her final pregnancy was very easy despite being an older mother. She was very fit and healthy at that age too.

So I don't think age is necessarily an issue if you can conceive and are otherwise healthy.

DistanceCall · 29/12/2018 19:38

Rachel Weisz recently had a baby at 48, and apparently it was natural (she also has a child who is about 10). Give it a try, if you want another one.

Jellybabie3 · 29/12/2018 19:38

Absolutely. Having a baby is magical. Admittedly I have only one ! But I know I want more and as long as I can safely and then practically support them, nothing would hold me back ttc.

Best of luck OP

LRDtheFeministDragon · 29/12/2018 19:38

No harm trying! FWIW, I believe that the idea fertility drops dramatically at 35 has been qualified quite a bit lately - and, if you have already had children, you're not in the same statistical group as people who've never had a baby, anyway.

I would imagine most people struggling to conceive would be only pleased for you, and possibly even rather cheered to see someone having a good outcome at this age. I know I would.

WendyCope · 29/12/2018 19:43

Of course you can! Just please, don't underestimate the menopause. Mine started at 43. Zero energy.

70sbaubles · 29/12/2018 19:44

Having a baby is magical
Disagree there. It can be utterly shit as opposed to magical. She could get a screamer who never sleeps and has colic. That wouldn't be magical.
I don't think anyone should romanticise childbirth and young infants. Op has a lovely relationship which makes it better but there is a chance that rather than this being idyllic, it could ruin what they have. Particularly at an age where you are more tired. I wouldn't go through the baby years again for all the money in the world, for some it isnt the amazing special magic. And its luck of the draw what baby you get.

Santaissleepingoffmincepies · 29/12/2018 19:46

I met a new dh and had a ds at 43!!
Not so lucky ttc at 44 so get cracking op.

FascinatingCarrot · 29/12/2018 19:47

Go for it OP.
I met my dh at 33 and got married at 40. Both of us agreed no kids (I have 3, he hasnt any) , but we do regret it a lot more than we thought (both now 47)

SirVixofVixHall · 29/12/2018 19:49

I had my second at 43. Go for it op. Good luck.

MissRhubarb · 29/12/2018 19:50

I had my DD at 41 with my DP and it's been amazing. My eldest DD 13, I had when I was 31 so a big gap. I feel a bit guilty saying this, because is no reflection on my eldest DD, but I've found it SO much easier the second time round because I'm in a far better place emotionally, mentally, everything really and I'm with my DP (not my ex-H and all the problems with that). I've not found being of "advanced maternal age" (thanks doc!) to be a problem and my energy seems to be fine. I'm pretty inactive too, apart from dog walking. So much depends on where you are in life. I would go for it OP.

SirVixofVixHall · 29/12/2018 19:52

I have a friend who had two, met her second dp and had another smaller two for the same reason as you op. It is lovely and the two little ones get on really well.

Touchmybum · 29/12/2018 19:54

When I read the thread title, I was all ready to post to tell you that you're mad!

Now I've RTFT, I think you should give it a go!

MeadowHay · 29/12/2018 19:55

Idk whether you should or not as I'm much younger than you so can't comment on how it would be caring for a baby at a much older age, however lots of people do it just fine, as evidenced by many people on this thread, and friends/family I know.

However without putting a downer on things baubles is correct. DD is 6 months and a horrendous screamer. It really grates when people say things like this time should be "magical" when DH and I have hated most of her life so far. Not all babies are lovely, calm, smiley sweethearts, unfortunately. Some of them scream hysterically for hours and hours every day and whinge and cry most of the time they are awake, for no medically discernable reason . But I'm not sure being older would make that any more difficult though, even if it did happen.

JacquesHammer · 29/12/2018 19:56

I know people younger than me struggling to conceive.. will it be too indulgent to have another?

There isn’t a finite number of children - you not having another doesn’t mean an infertile couple will.

Absolutely choose what is best for you and good luck!

Frogletmamma · 29/12/2018 19:58

Yanbu. I am impressed by your stamina.

letallthechildrenboogie · 29/12/2018 19:58

We decided to try for number four when I was 39. I am here now nursing my twins. Just saying! Good luck OP. No reason not to give it a go if you're both up for it.

Mrsmadevans · 29/12/2018 20:03

Go for it m'dear Good Luck!

nellieellie · 29/12/2018 20:08

Gave birth to 2nd at 43. I say if you want to do it, do it.

onemorego2019 · 29/12/2018 20:11

Hi I've just turned 40 and we've started ttc number 4 this month! My eldest two are a touch younger than yours and my youngest is 3. Having our youngest has brought such joy I just want to do it all again. The broodiness is overwhelming.

I've just started following a thread called 'Over 40 ttc - winter baby dust for me!' I think it's in the conception category. There are some lovely ladies on there.

WhatOnEarthDoIDoNow · 29/12/2018 20:16

Go for it, I was my mums 5th at 42 and all the older ones had left home.

SylvanianFrenemies · 29/12/2018 20:17

Go for it, it seems like it would feel right for you and your family.

Just a note of caution however for people considering this. I'm 41 and pregnant with DC3. I will be having a termination for medical reasons soon as my baby has downs with severe physical abnormalities and has stopped growing. I'm 16 weeks pregnant with a bump and should be enjoying the excitement. It's devastating. The risk of this sort of scenario increases massively after 40 year on year. I didn't think it would happen to us. It has. Only you can weigh up if you are willing to risk going through this. I have sometimes thought "why on earth didn't we stick with the family we had, when things felt good and simple".

That's the head side of it. Heart is different. We also may try for another, I'm not sure yet.

Thingsthatgo · 29/12/2018 20:21

Oh my goodness. I should not have read this thread. I’m 42 and soooooooo broody for my third. I told myself that I’m too old, but maybe I’m not....

Awrite · 29/12/2018 20:23

I'm almost 43. You have my admiration for even contemplating it.

Hazlenutpie · 29/12/2018 20:24

Go for it! Good luck.

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