feminism sacrificing, family on the altar of righteousness???

[justasking111]

Reading through threads, I see a pattern. The OP post DP/OH doing whatever, sack him off, got kids, well go it alone. You deserve better.

He shouted at you, get rid.
He sulked, get rid.
He spent on a hobby get rid
Dont like his parents get rid. Kids upset - tough luck He wont spend on whatever, get rid.
He won`t toe the line, get rid.

When did we become so intolerant of others faults. There is not much I remember from Sunday school, but this I do recall.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

I don’t think that’s an accurate summary of how most threads go.

Did Sunday school teach you about the shit some people type on the internet, just because they can?

It's not nothing to do with feminism imo. It's much more to do with people just banging away at their keyboards and typing ill thought out 'advice'.

If the shoe was on their foot, I'm quite sure they wouldn't be LTB over such minor little issues.

*got nothing

And if my brother had all those planks in his eyes, he wooden be able to see a thing...

Nothing to do with feminism, and I think you are exaggerating outrageously.

I think the opposite. On MN I see a huge number of women apparently willing to put up with truly shocking, unpleasant and abusive behaviour from their partners. I rarely see an unjustified LTB.

I think there may be a higher than average proportion of divorced women on here and it’s reassuring to think of everyone being in the same boat as you.

Who are you calling a plank, OP?

Do you think people should stay in relationships where they are treated with hatred, disrespect, violence and contempt?

That's a fairly specific thing to remember from Sunday School.

There is a common thread of " I wouldnt stand for that, get rid" which is often clearly easily said on MN. There are situations where women need empowering to leave a bad situation. No one know if the alternative is better or worse. There is no doubt that all relationships need work, tolerance and compromise more than anything. Domestic abuse, coercian, bullying and cruelty should never be tolerated. Much of the stuff on here is not that. There is too much "Leave Him" Go NC and all the stuff that shows no evidence of building on the good things in a relationship and making it work for the good of everyone. Maybe it's MN. I hope it's not that we are now selfish non giving individuals who think it should all come easy. Even the I love but am not in love is a tricky line of thinking. many couples as old as me have relationships 45 yrs + and many difficult patches when you wonder if its going to work. Then you get to a place where you realise it was worth it. Maybe some people dont have the right sort of support. Social media is often very dodgy for false expectations and I include MN in this, Dont come here for relationship counselling

There is not much I remember from Sunday school, but this I do recall.

Sounds like Sunday school was well worth it! ah well, I’m sure your parents appreciated the Sunday shag it afforded them.

And of course the bible is the very epitome of healthy relationships no shite about killing your son or raping your house servant because your wife is infertile.

I think it's unfair to equate MN feminism with what feminism actually is.

Most people in society aren't right-on wankers who dress their sons in fairy costumes and their daughters as builders and insist it's the children's choice. They don't have cuck "DPs". They understand there are innate differences between men and women.

As any respected polling or data collection shows, there is a massive disconnect between modern 'feminism' and the belief in equality of opportunity of the sexes.

Tolerant w in a relationship comes from both sides.

So mum can't get dad involved in parenting. Why is it up to mum to suck it up rather than dad to stop being lazy?

At the end of the day you can't change another adult. If the other person sees wrong and changes then great but waiting for and pressuring another adult is a waste of time.

People live much longer than in biblical times. Say you does at age 35, you'd be married 20 years tops so by the time you reach the end of your tether, one of you may have died anyway. The age 35 thing is assuming that you don't die in childbirth.

As said, Women are putting up with shockingly bad Partners. There's so many Men who won't be a Parent to their children, or an Adult in their household.

"When did we become so intolerant of others faults."

Mens faults? When we came to realise that we are equal and the law supported us on that. So we don't have to watch our children be treated like shit and put up with the abuse, I'll treatment and neglect that our Great Grandmothers did.

But that Bible passage supports most of the Women on MN complaining about their Partners, because they are being a Parent, running the house and working whilst he takes the piss. They certainly aren't hypocrites.

The phenomenon you describe has nothing to do with feminism, OP. The Feminism boards on Mn are the most commonly hidden of all boards, and there is comparatively little overlap between them and the Relationships board where most of the threads you are describing occur. Also, like a pp, my greatest shock on Mn has been the extent to which posters endure appalling, unequal relationships rather than leave them. I think that the LTBs are a useful counter to the prevailing anti feminist narrative that tells women, still, in 2018, that any man is better than none.

Um,there are a LOT of unhealthy, toxic relationships that posters feel supported in leaving due to MN posters - either emotional support, or an awakening that you don't have to put up with abusive partners, or practical advice on how to leave.

I do not consider havingoptions in toxic relationships (or becoming aware of them) as a bad thing.

Sounds like your religion taught you to put up with abusive relationships as acceptable

Oh, good, a biscuit post! Here OP, these are on me...

ah well, I’m sure your parents appreciated the Sunday shag it afforded them.

you can justify very questionable behaviour using bible quotes - particularly old testament. So leave out the sermonising op.

If thine eye offends thee pluck it out?

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)

So I will get marital advice from MN over the bible - cheers.

I have to say I don't see what you do op. Feminism is about equality and freeing yourself from sex based assumptions that can be as liberating for men as it is for women. I love my dh with clear understanding of the context of our gendered roles I do not slavishly obey him and i do not expect him to toe any lines or he is "out" we have a successful relationship because we have respect for each other and that is in part informed by the work of feminist philosophers and activists changing the way people think.

He shouted at you, get rid.
He sulked, get rid.

You think 'she' is the problem here, OP? Because to me it seems like 'he' is the one causing issues - why should women get the blame?

1st rule of misogyny: Women are responsible for what men do.

Fuck that.

It’s usually not DP/DH ‘doing whatever’ on the Relationships board that gets the ‘leave him’ responses though, is it? It’s usually a lot more than that. And there’s always done posters who’ll come along to tell the OP to just put up with it however bad it is, so I wouldn’t fret that the OP’s only getting one side of the story.

Women not wanting to put up with various types of abuse by their partners has absolutely nothing to do with feminism. It has to do with self respect and not wanting to be abused. Also, don't imagine that the children of such relationships are unaware of what is happening and splitting from a scumbag is usually of benefit to them as well as the woman. Not forgetting the cocklodgers and lazy slobs who do nothing in the house or any childcare.

As an example, for one woman on the Relationships Board it took several full threads over time for her to even begin to see the abuse by her husband, culminating in her and her children leaving. It was horrendous what she had come to accept as normal and she only became free with the help of other women who had experienced the same sort of behaviour.

As for the planks, you know where to stick them.

bet Lot's wife wishes she'd left

I think it’s more about letting women know they don’t have to stay in toxic relationships/marriages where their partners treat them like shit.