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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who’s being unreasonable over buying 5 year old a telly !

44 replies

Lifecanbeabeach2 · 29/12/2018 12:11

My daughter is turning 5 shortly ( her dad is in and out her life like a yo-yo, never done any of the hard work at all but that’s a whole other story )

  • she has had significant health problems which means she spends more time than most in bed ( connected to things )
I found that she was usuonf tablet to play games when she had to go bed earlier ) which means to her not going to sleep at actual bed time well. When we watch a movie in the living room Before bed she goes down fine. Anyway, she asked for a tv for her birthday for her bedroom and after thinking about it I thought it wasn’t a bad idea to let her watch movies in there instead. So I was looking for a TV, I was going to get this 24inch / dvd combi BUT it was 150 pound and in the Boxing Day sales I managed to pick up a 32 inch smart tv with dvd combi for 165 ! So thought it was better value for money ( she could watch films on Netflix and amazon prime ) Anyway ... her dad asked me what I had for her ( he bought her a small token gift ) and has competent flipped at the idea of her having the telly in her bedroom. It’s last parenting apparently. I explained that sometimes I have to put her to bed at 5pm !! Or she is stuck in bed until 11 am and unfortunately some times there is stuff I have to do like washing etc.
OP posts:
Soubriquet · 29/12/2018 12:13

If he is in and out of her life and you do the majority of the parenting then he is being unreasonable

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 29/12/2018 12:13

We just bought dd a portable dvd player, small screen with a built in dvd

Works well for her

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2018 12:14

Meh! All my kids had TV/DVD players in their rooms when they were growing up.

They're 27, 19 and 16 now and it's done them no harm whatsoever.

ItchySeveredFoot · 29/12/2018 12:14

Obviously he is being unreasonable. He clearly has no idea about the day to day issues of yours and your daughters lives. Just smile vacantly and carry on.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 29/12/2018 12:14

Oh and they were between 50 and 70 pounds

Bought her a 10 inch screen yesterday

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 29/12/2018 12:15

Firstly - why is she in bed at those times? Is there any reason why she couldn't be settled under a duvet on the sofa?

kaytee87 · 29/12/2018 12:15

Usually I'd say a tv in a 5yo's room is ridiculous, but the fact your daughter has to spend a significant amount of time in bed due to a health condition completely changes things tbh.
I also don't think he has a say tbh as he doesn't sound like much of a dad.

Original poster
Lifecanbeabeach2 · 29/12/2018 12:15

I do all the parenting ! He wouldn’t even know how to feed her.

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 29/12/2018 12:16

@MilkTwoSugarsThanks op has said her dd is connected to things in bed (assuming medical equipment)

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 29/12/2018 12:16

Though I wouldn't think a tv was a problem...just that the dvd player would be easier to monitor, in theory Grin

kaytee87 · 29/12/2018 12:17

Portable dvd does sound like a good idea too actually

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 29/12/2018 12:17

Oh shit! I missed that! Sorry. Ignore me.

But yeah - I'd get her a TV in those circumstances.

Original poster
Lifecanbeabeach2 · 29/12/2018 12:17

Not really it would take a lot of moving equipment from bedroom to living room and then back again especially if she fell asleep.
Because of school hours ( she is starting full time ) she will be in bed earlier so that her medical stuff finishes in time to go to school.

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 29/12/2018 12:19

kaytee has said what I was going to say.

Fridaydreamer · 29/12/2018 12:19

He’s being a dick. Ignore him.

You’re doing great and under the circumstances o think a TV is perfect idea.

Original poster
Lifecanbeabeach2 · 29/12/2018 12:22

What’s the difference between watching a dvd in the portable dvd than on the telly ?
I should add she can’t get out of bed when attached so She wouldn’t be able to control the telly.

OP posts:
DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 29/12/2018 12:24

Ignore him, it's not his call. Mine have all had tv/dvd's in their rooms from about that ago (never connected to an aerial though, just for DVD's). They actually watched them much less than I expected and sometimes it's nice for them to have quiet time on their own, watching stuff you know is safe for them.

In your circumstances, you are doing what you think is necessary to make the best of a difficult situation. Her father is probably just pissed off that you got a much better gift for her than he did.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 29/12/2018 12:25

life

Well no difference really, its smaller, lighter and dd can lie in bed when watching it and it sits on a stool

It was only really a thought instead of a telly , but if she cant change the tv herself then i doubt it would be any sort of problem

I assume you would change the dvds for her if you had a tv/dvd combo anyway

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 29/12/2018 12:27

Oh sorry I completely missed that you have it already!!!

Doh!!

In that case ignore my suggestion Grin

He is being unreasonable

Toddlerteaplease · 29/12/2018 12:28

Was it you who posted a while back about being ill and your daughter is on TPN? If so I take my hat off to you and you are definitely not being unreasonable!!

Original poster
Lifecanbeabeach2 · 29/12/2018 12:30

Hahaha yeh I bought it in the Boxing Day sales ! I hadn’t actually initially considered it but she asked so nicely 😂
The thing is when she is in hospital they always give the big yellow tv/ dvd with DVDs and games console.
Which I’m guessing is why she asked for one. It’s all she actually asked for. She has lots of toys and we do lots of sets and crafts .. bless her she sits and paints a lot 😂it’s so hard to work out what else to do with her !

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifecanbeabeach2 · 29/12/2018 12:31

Yes she is on TPN what makes it harder is she isn’t one of those that can put in a rick sake ( she is also cardiac ) and of its not above her she gets fluid retention and blows up like a balloon 🙈
She is currently on 16 hours and 23 hours neocate to.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 29/12/2018 12:33

I think, given the circumstance, that you are being very sensible. Ignore your prick of an ex.

Believeitornot · 29/12/2018 12:33

Poor girl. A tv doesn’t seem so bad but do you keep her company though instead of just leaving her to the tv?

Otherwise I’d say tv in a bedroom is a bad idea, adult or child.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2018 12:33

He isn't parenting her, he doesn't get a say. I'm assuming she's tube fed one way or another? Tell him if he thinks he's such a good Dad he can come and look after her and do all her cares all day and then pass opinion.

My only concern if I was your friend was if she's stuck Inn there alone from 5 pm til morning or if you're in there with her mostly until its "bed time"