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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think they don't want to see us?

35 replies

Fuckedoffat48b · 29/12/2018 11:10

The plan: we have a new baby, he is five weeks old and gorgeous. A friend of ours is back for Christmas from overseas from where she lives and another in the friendship group is in town (she normally lives four hours away). They haven't seen our baby yet so someone else in the friendship group suggested we all meet up for lunch somewhere local to us so they can meet the baby. Lovely.

The situation this morning:
Friend who normally lives overseas: is currently over 300 miles away
Friend who normally lives 4 hours away: is visiting family for lunch 2 hours away
Another friend: In France
Another friend: In Italy
Another friend: Not revealed their plans for today
The friend who tried to plan this: Actually available!

The first two friends are suggesting we meet in the evening 'when they get back' Hmm Other friends are trying to rearrange date and place of meet up.

They have always been this flakey but AIBU to think they don't really want to see us this time?

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 29/12/2018 11:14

Maybe it’s that they want to see you, but aren’t prioritising you over other plans. The Christmas/new year break is fleeting and we all try to cram too much in.

The arrangement worked for the person happily arranging it but every other individual probably started the holiday with a vague idea of all the things they wanted to do, and they’re juggling them. Particularly the person from overseas.

Try to clarify another meet up.

ButteryParsnips · 29/12/2018 11:14

Go and meet with your friend who's actually available and have a lovely time. Then if there is chance to arrange anything else with the others, fair enough, but otherwise suggest they can pop round to see you and baby at home at some point. Don't put off meeting the planning friend for other people's convenience.

shoofly · 29/12/2018 11:15

To be fair. Over 300 miles away and 2 hours away with family for lunch means that lunch local to you is clearly not happening. They may not really want to meet up, or they just have other plans....

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 29/12/2018 11:15

When was it suggested you meet for lunch? Yesterday? Last week? Last month?

Did anyone actually say yes they could make it?

I wouldn’t take it personally though. The two people who aren’t around normally must have a lot of people to see whilst they’re back. It’s only a short time before everyone goes back home/back to work

Enjoy your gorgeous baby

Dollymixture22 · 29/12/2018 11:18

I have a friend who comes home from South Africa most christmases. He is full of good intentions to meet up but is pulled in a million directions and sometimes it just doesn’t happen. People get annoyed with him, but it’s his holiday and he also wants some one to relax.

I am sure the intention was there to meet up, but the days just got away from them. As pp has said, met the friend who is available and show of Our gorgeous baby,

ThatPeskyElf · 29/12/2018 11:18

It’s not personal! They’re just busy with other demands on their time.
Doesn’t sound like anything was set in stone or even agreed to by any of them bar the one who suggested it either.

Dollymixture22 · 29/12/2018 11:19

Your not our!!! That was weird

Original poster
Fuckedoffat48b · 29/12/2018 11:19

The original plan was made months ago when the overseas friend booked her flights. Today was chosen as it was a day when everybody was free.

Friend who arranged it all is now suggesting we meet later, somewhere else. If we meet just with her she will push for us to hang around indefinitely for the rest of them to turn up (overseas friend and lives 4 hours away friend swear they will turn up this afternoon).

We have cancelled.

OP posts:
Moonstoned · 29/12/2018 11:19

Honestly, don’t take this personally. In your scenario, I’m the one who lives overseas, and go back to my home country for a jam-packed week in which I’ve driven through several countries and done a ferry trip with a carload of concealed Santa presents, and tried to see large extended family and old friends in the space of an emotionally-loaded time of year when people have lots of family commitments themselves.

There are two friends of whom I’m very fond that I simply didn’t get to see because there simply wasn’t a time or mutually-convenient opportunity. It doesn’t mean I didn’t want to see them.

tittietinsel · 29/12/2018 11:21

Why do you think it's anything to do with not wanting to see you?

2 of them are not in the country and another 2 are hours away.

Unless you have an absolutely huge back story it is unlikely they have gone to these lengths to avoid having lunch with you.

It's just circumstances.

XiCi · 29/12/2018 11:26

It sounds as though you think that your friends have gone 300 miles away and 2hrs away to see family just to avoid seeing your baby which is clearly not the case. It's the Xmas break, they are from out of town and abroad, they are bound to have other family and friends they need to see. For them to be so far away from you today and be promising to get back to you later today sounds as though they are really making an effort to get back and see you. To cancel just sounds like you are being petulant and childish.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 29/12/2018 11:28

Oh okay. So they originally agreed to today then either forgot your plans or thought they could squeeze in another visit first. Well that is a bit rude. I’d expect at least an apology and an explanation. (I mean I guess the ones who aren’t in the country at least said they wouldn’t be here?!)

But I don’t think it’s personal. Are they always like this? It’s always a mad hectic rush to see people this time of year.

Sorry. See it as a bonus free day. Have a nice day out with the baby or snuggle up somewhere Flowers

Thewifipasswordis · 29/12/2018 11:32

You're being daft. As nice as it is your baby is 'your' baby, friends wont generally be all that interested until they have their own and they certainly rarely bend over backwards when they have their own lives to lead.

You were silly to cancel. You made a big issue out of nothing and could've just had a nice afternoon out.

Oldraver · 29/12/2018 11:33

Well seeing as your overseas friend is 300 miles away why dont you all go and meet where they are ?

300 miles should only take you oooohh 5-6 hours driving

elessar · 29/12/2018 11:34

Why don't you just meet up with them later if they are available? Seems a bit like cutting your nose off to spite your face if you don't.

Appreciate you won't want to go and hang around indefinitely, but why not just agree to a provisional 'okay we'll meet at 6pm at x place' somewhere local, and if the other friends flake out of that then don't go?

Original poster
Fuckedoffat48b · 29/12/2018 11:34

Why were we unreasonable to cancel? It was that or travel out somewhere to hang around indefinitely for them to turn up, which they may well not do. TBH I feel like we have let them off the hook!

OP posts:
Stormy76 · 29/12/2018 11:39

You weren't unreasonable to cancel because u have a very young baby and can't be kept hanging around for hours and hours, I doubt they are doing it deliberately to avoid you however, they have family they need to meet with and it is their holiday too.

Holidayshopping · 29/12/2018 11:47

I would just say that we are home all day today if anyone would like to come round to see us instead.

beachysandy81 · 29/12/2018 11:56

Why not just suggest meeting at yours and then it doesn't matter what time they turn up? You could share a takeaway with them?

Ethel36 · 29/12/2018 11:59

Give them the benefit of the doubt due to family chaos around christmas/new year. Ask for another meet up to be arranged. Remind everyone the week before its happening. If the same people drop out them just meet with the one(s) that made the effort.

Expatworkingmum · 29/12/2018 11:59

We live overseas and it’s so hard to fit everyone in when we visit. Things come up we weren’t expecting when we visit home and we try to prioritise family as it’s always so hard to do everything.

I’m so sure they aren’t intentionally being rude or disrespectful, just pulled in many directions.

Touchmybum · 29/12/2018 12:01

Oh god, it's just life! Particularly if people are away and trying to fit a lot into a short visit.

Let it go! Or, you could huff and fall out with them if that makes you happy?

HarrySnotter · 29/12/2018 12:02

A friend 'hasn't revealed' their plans for today? They don't really have to you know, anything could have happened.

I'm sure they want to see you and your baby but family would always come first for me I'm afraid. I wouldn't have cancelled, that seems churlish to me and a bit of a shame for the friend to arranged it all; I would have gone to see that friend and stayed for as long as suited me. You have a young baby, perfect reason to leave when you need to.

HarrySnotter · 29/12/2018 12:03

When you say 'travel out' somewhere to meet them, how far do you mean?

tittietinsel · 29/12/2018 12:03

If 2 of these people are abroad surely you must have known the meet up wasn't on the cards anymore. Did this get arranged months ago and then nothing much said about it? Or did it get discussed recently and they skipped the country last night!?

Honestly OP you sound very insecure over casual arrangements that haven't worked out.