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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think they don't want to see us?

35 replies

Fuckedoffat48b · 29/12/2018 11:10

The plan: we have a new baby, he is five weeks old and gorgeous. A friend of ours is back for Christmas from overseas from where she lives and another in the friendship group is in town (she normally lives four hours away). They haven't seen our baby yet so someone else in the friendship group suggested we all meet up for lunch somewhere local to us so they can meet the baby. Lovely.

The situation this morning:
Friend who normally lives overseas: is currently over 300 miles away
Friend who normally lives 4 hours away: is visiting family for lunch 2 hours away
Another friend: In France
Another friend: In Italy
Another friend: Not revealed their plans for today
The friend who tried to plan this: Actually available!

The first two friends are suggesting we meet in the evening 'when they get back' Other friends are trying to rearrange date and place of meet up.

They have always been this flakey but AIBU to think they don't really want to see us this time?

OP posts:

Orchiddingme · 29/12/2018 12:03

I don't think people can be expected not to travel to France or Italy presumably to see relations or ski for a week or two over a two hour lunch with you- lovely though I'm sure you are.

I would have gone and met the one person who was available and enjoyed that. I think trying to get 6+ people together over the Christmas/New Year inbetween period was ridiculously over-optimistic- I always see this as a difficult time to arrange a coffee with a friend down the road, let alone all traveling internationally

This is not personal and nothing to do with not wanting to see you- it would be different if they were all sat home and couldn't be arsed to come out.

Not sure why you don't want to see the one friend who is around though.

Orchiddingme · 29/12/2018 12:06

And- as they all get babies, partners and so forth, the days of all meeting up like this are pretty much over except perhaps once a decade. That's why I'd see the one that was available if they are making the effort. Once they have children though, they have two sets of families to please and it will become almost impossible- when the children are a bit older, then all friend/girl meet ups are more realistic.

onalongsabbatical · 29/12/2018 12:06

Ok, I’m sorry if this is going to hurt, but you are MASSIVELY more excited to show off your baby than anyone else is to meet him. And it’s Christmas. You really need to roll with this stuff a bit.

Congratulations! Stay home, chill out, and enjoy your gorgeous baby.

Onescaredmuma · 29/12/2018 12:11

It just happens we live 5 1/2 hours from friends and family people get missed every visit its usually friends unfortunately as people prioritise their family. Your probably just feeling a little sensitive about it if they're always a bit flakey. I probably would be too. I missed my friend when I was home last week even though I said we'd try to catch up but it was Christmas and even in a whole week I had to do multiple visits each day to get in as many people as possible, the chances are there just wasn't enough time to squeeze you in when they thought we're there for x amount of time it should be plenty to see everyone.

TornFromTheInside · 29/12/2018 12:28

Your baby is a huge deal to you - less so to others. That's the long and short of it.
If folks are travelling from abroad to come here, their time is limited and they'll have family who take priority.

I doubt they are avoiding you, or not wanting to see your baby - it's just that they'll already be juggling lots of trips to people and invariably plans change.

BanginChoons · 29/12/2018 12:38

Why not invite them to come to you? Then everyone who is available can arrive when they can, you get to see them, and you don't have to hang around anywhere with a young baby.

Crinkle77 · 29/12/2018 12:39

I would have just made plans with the available friend. I wouldn't have have hung around waiting for the others to turn up when I'm reality they probably wouldn't have made it anyway.

OliviaStabler · 29/12/2018 12:41

Your baby is a huge deal to you - less so to others. That's the long and short of it.

If folks are travelling from abroad to come here, their time is limited and they'll have family who take priority.

This ^^

EssentialHummus · 29/12/2018 12:44

would just say that we are home all day today if anyone would like to come round to see us instead.

Yup.

Handprints2018 · 29/12/2018 12:53

Yanbu to cancel, the plans have changed and don't work for you. If you are in later (and you want to invite them) then tell them they are welcome to pop by for a wine.

Christmas is a busy time. If they have a habit of cancelling or rearranging then i would agree you (as their friend, not the baby) are not a priority to catch up with, but an option. If this isn't usual then I'd accept that its a busy time and they've got a lot going on.

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