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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To avoid my vomiting husband?

54 replies

Pregglestm · 29/12/2018 02:41

I’m 12 weeks pregnant and coming out of the nausea stage, luckily I didn’t actually vomit. But my husband has just randomly started vomiting violently tonight- I don’t know if it’s food poisoning (we ate the same tea and I think I feel ok) or a virus (he works with the public) or just something completely random.

I’m an emetophobe and I basically just want to run away. I can’t sleep, I don’t want to get back in bed with him in case he has germs and I catch them with my lowered immune system- I don’t even want to go for a wee because we only have one bathroom and I’m currently imagining it full of vomity germs. Am I being totally irrational or is it actually sensible for me to avoid close contact for a while? I feel so mean by not looking after him, but I’m also on the verge of a panic attack (which I’ve not had for years) and I’m panicking about norovirus, listeriosis and more, which can’t be good for the baby... I really don’t know what to do! Please help, rational people!

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 29/12/2018 02:44

He's a grown up. He can look after himself.

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 29/12/2018 02:44

Yep you are being irrational, you will need him when you are suffering. Think would he be there for you if vice versa? You are pregnant not dying...stop being selfish

pineapplebryanbrown · 29/12/2018 02:44

Hmm, well you are pg and phobic but he may need looking after. Is his mum local?

Abouttomakeanerror · 29/12/2018 02:44

Awww lots of us have been there, it sucks.
Wash your hands frequently, make sure he has his own towels and clean the sink, toilet, flush and door handles regularly with detergent and hope for the best

Abouttomakeanerror · 29/12/2018 02:46

If you post in the Mental Health section you will find lots of like minded company, OP

remember if you do catch it, it will only be a temporary illness that you will be over quickly, the anticipation is worse

OneInAMillionYou · 29/12/2018 02:47

Hi there, I don't think you are being unreasonable. You are sensibly trying to protect yourself and baby from possible harm.

I would sleep on the sofa if no spare bed, and insist that partner practices good hygiene in the bathroom, using bleach etc after each episode of vomiting, also wiping door handles etc. He should stay out of the kitchen.

Good luck, I hope he is better soon.

PigletTiggerEeyoreAndRoo · 29/12/2018 02:51

I’d sleep on the sofa or find an understanding friend who’s house you can crash at. I doubt it’s dangerous to the baby. Simply because it’s ok to be scared. If he can’t be left, it’s different - you could ask him.

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 29/12/2018 02:54

This is ridiculous, OP is not at risk from an alien attack. Dad is being sick. Completely normal and will effect most people at least once a year. Somehow pregnancies still happen and survive this daily. You sound neurotic

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 29/12/2018 02:57

If you are an emetophobe you will need him when you have this baby. Otherwise what do you expect will happen?

Original poster
Pregglestm · 29/12/2018 02:58

Thanks About, I’ll head over that way, didn’t think to check mental health 👍

Think I will sleep on the sofa tonight - I’m not far away if he needs me but tbh I can’t see me sat up in bed freaking out helping him in any way. Whyareall, I’m totally being selfish and he’s always fantastic with me when I’m sick, but he really doesn’t care about illness- that’s why I feel bad about it in the first place, because I know I’m being selfish and he never is!

Thanks for the reassurance all the rest of you- I’ll grab the antibacterial wipes and hope for the best.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pregglestm · 29/12/2018 03:00

Calm down whyareall, I was asking if I was being unreasonable, I’ve never been pregnant before. No need to attack all the kind hearted people who are trying to reassure me even though they probably agree with you.

OP posts:
Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 29/12/2018 03:04

You asked a public forum, I told the truth that’s all. I mean you no harm

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 29/12/2018 03:08

I feel a bit bad for the bf needing your attention rather than you sleeping on a couch. I also wonder what will happen when you baby vomits, will you also leave?

malmi · 29/12/2018 03:09

I guess whyareall doesn't have any phobias since all it takes is someone to point out that they are 'ridiculous' and they magically go away

SuperVeggie · 29/12/2018 03:12

The emetophobic bit can be dealt with separately ideally before baby arrives. In he meantime you are being sensible to do what you can within reason to avoid catching whatever this may be. So yes to sleeping elsewhere, ask him to use antibacterial wipes in the bathroom and wash hands thoroughly, and you do the same. Lots of rest and healthy food for you both to support immune system.

Good luck x

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 29/12/2018 03:13

I never said they are ridiculous.
But if I had Arachnophobia I wouldn’t buy a spider and then complain and blame my other half

Original poster
Pregglestm · 29/12/2018 03:21

Whyareall, he’s currently asleep (I can hear him snoring) so personally I think me waking him up having a panic attack would be even more selfish 😂 and I find your arachnophobe metaphor a little silly, as I’m not blaming my lovely husband, quite the opposite. I know I’m being a d*ck, but I don’t want to make things worse.

I’ve been an emetophobe for 15 years-ish, I’ve had counselling and hypnotherapy and CBT, all of which worked temporarily but they have worn off since I’ve not been sick for at least 10 years (when I had norovirus. Pretty traumatic.) I’m more than happy for you to tell me I’m being unreasonable- you’re just answering my question - I just don’t see why you have to be aggressive about it. People who are asking aibu about phobias at 3am are generally not looking to be trolled 👍 just trying to avoid the panic. But thanks for your input.

OP posts:
malmi · 29/12/2018 03:22

So when you said 'This is ridiculous' you were not referring to the OP's emetophobia situation?

OMGFFS · 29/12/2018 03:23

Whyarealltheusernamestaken - dick

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 29/12/2018 03:27

Seriously, because I offer an opinion that you don’t agree with I’m a troll? Search my history, I’m being honest, maybe you don’t want this. Maybe I’m not right, it comes down to individual opinion, that does not make me a troll. I do feel bad for your hubby, and i do think you need help or what will happen when your baby vomits on you? Does that make me evil?

steff13 · 29/12/2018 03:27

As far as the vomiting goes, he can take care of himself. But you'll need to make sure he has access to fluids and that he stays hydrated. So I don't think you can avoid him completely.

I have a phobia of vomiting. But I also have three kids. At some point, your kid is going to throw up and you're going to be the only one there to take care of it. Once I picked up my daughter, and she threw up all the way down my back. I'd suggest you seek some help to overcome your phobia.

HirooOnoda · 29/12/2018 03:29

@Pregglestm good to see you and your DH are so loving and supporting of each other - it must make him feel so much better knowing he has your love and support through what is clearly an unpleasant moment 🙄

I can only imagine this is your first child, I don’t know anyone else this precious with DC 2+
Nobody is under threat, there is no need to panic - I can’t really see relocating at 3am being in any way sensible for anyone involved

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 29/12/2018 03:40

Please read the above posts, this was never an attack just advice going forward

posthistoricmonsters · 29/12/2018 04:18

I don't think it's unreasonable to sleep in a different room, I got norovirus when I was pregnant, it was awful and I started having panic attacks through it. Never before had forty eight hours felt like forty eight years.

You can be there for him without sleeping beside him. He may even appreciate having his bed to himself while he's poorly.

agnurse · 29/12/2018 05:08

If you practice good handwashing it's rather unlikely you'll get sick. As a nurse I've worked through outbreaks of norovirus in the hospital. I never got sick because I used good handwashing.

You and he may be more comfortable if you sleep on the sofa. In your position I'd be ensuring that he has a bucket and a bottle of water, remind him to wash his hands after using the loo, and remind him to close the toilet lid before he flushes.