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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To avoid my vomiting husband?

54 replies

Pregglestm · 29/12/2018 02:41

I’m 12 weeks pregnant and coming out of the nausea stage, luckily I didn’t actually vomit. But my husband has just randomly started vomiting violently tonight- I don’t know if it’s food poisoning (we ate the same tea and I think I feel ok) or a virus (he works with the public) or just something completely random.

I’m an emetophobe and I basically just want to run away. I can’t sleep, I don’t want to get back in bed with him in case he has germs and I catch them with my lowered immune system- I don’t even want to go for a wee because we only have one bathroom and I’m currently imagining it full of vomity germs. Am I being totally irrational or is it actually sensible for me to avoid close contact for a while? I feel so mean by not looking after him, but I’m also on the verge of a panic attack (which I’ve not had for years) and I’m panicking about norovirus, listeriosis and more, which can’t be good for the baby... I really don’t know what to do! Please help, rational people!

OP posts:
OssomMummy1 · 29/12/2018 05:14

After a curry meal, if you start having crapmy labour pain, he prefers to stay back at his office thinking that you have acquired Campylobacter by eating chicken tikka masala from the Indian take-away, how would you feel?

selepele · 29/12/2018 05:16

YABU to make this thread

TheFairyCaravan · 29/12/2018 05:34

Christ on a fucking bike! OP has a phobia, they are irrational, everyone with a phobia knows that but there's nothing we can do about it in the height of the moment. If she was scared of heights and her DH was at the top of the Eiffel Tower would you all be telling her to join him?

I'm an emetophobe. I've never slept in the same room as DH when he's been vomiting. DS1 had Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome which meant he could be sick 40 times a day for a week, even that didn't cure my phobia. It's a horrible phobia to have and OP really doesn't need people to stick the boot in.

Pregg what you need is bleach. When DS2 had Noro I bleached everything, even his bed frame, iPad and phone. The house stank for a week but no one else caught it. I hope you don't get whatever it is your husband has and he feels better soon 💐

ElainaElephant · 29/12/2018 06:10

Dad is being sick. Completely normal and will effect most people at least once a year

I don't think that's true at all. The last time I was sick was over ten years ago. I think that reasonable hygiene goes a long way to prevent these things from spreading, and that most adults don't suffer from sickness at least once per year.

Op, it will pass quickly. Make sure he has plenty of fluids, wash your hands and clean surfaces he comes into contact with very well, and you (and he) should be fine. I don't envy you, it's a difficult situation to be in.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 29/12/2018 06:16

I would feel the same. I am so terrified of vomit. When my husband had a bug I stayed at work really late and slept in the spare room including a week after he was well again.

MarcieBluebell · 29/12/2018 06:19

Lots of people live alone so he can take care of himself. If I was him I wouldn't go near you to keep you well. Maybe buy him nice dinners he fancies if his appetite is off and look after him that way.

OneStepSideways · 29/12/2018 07:28

It's common sense not to share a bed or have close contact with someone who is vomiting! Norovirus and other D&V viruses spread through tiny particles of vomit the person breathes out, you can breathe them in. Make sure you dettol spray the toilet, floor around it, move anything like toothbrushes out of the bathroom. Wash hands a lot.

Teacherlikemisstrunchball · 29/12/2018 07:45

I am terrified of vomit, but manage to deal with it in DCs because I have to. When DH is sick he sleeps in the spare bedroom on a different floor and I bleach everything in sight. He doesn’t mind, he has his own bathroom, a double bed to himself and doesn’t have me trying not to have a panic attack beside him all night and jumping every time he moves. Anyway, why would you want to share a bed if you had a sickness bug? There’s nothing to indicate that the Husband in this story requires any particular ‘looking after’.

Booboostwo · 29/12/2018 08:00

Since we’ve had the DCs we seem to have caught endless D&V bugs. In our household it’s standard practice for the first person who gets sick (if they are an adult obviously) to isolate themselves. Go to sleep in the spare room, wash hands thoroughly, stay away from others and food and try to disinfect the toilet after use if possible. None of us are emetophobes, just simple precautions to avoid spreading the bug.

Iseverynametaken · 29/12/2018 09:25

I completely sympathize with you OP. Even more so as I know your panic is probably 2 fold now you are pregnant. Throw the feeling of guilt into the mix and its even worse. I am also Emet and it is life controlling. My DH is very understanding as I am sure yours is too. Other than checking his ok, comfortable and keeps hydrated realistically for an adult there is not much else to do. As PP have said clean, clean, clean everything and wash your hands religiously. The last time my DH was ill I think I cleaned every single surface in our home! Over kill? Likely, but it made me feel more calm throughout the process and I didn't fall ill. Its a horrible thing to have and I understand people who don't suffer don't really 'get it' but as a phobia yes it is irrational and it sucks. Hoping for a speedy recovery Flowers constantly asking OP how she will cope with a baby isn't really helpful, I'm sure its already a concern for her...

Greatcheeser · 29/12/2018 12:59

Just make him clean it up and tell him to sleep elsewhere. Hes being sick he hasnt had a lobotomy. I had biblical d and v in a hotel room i still managed to clean up after myself. If my wife was pregnant i wouldnt even think of her cleaning up i would make it so she was not at risk at all. By all means make him the odd cup of tea as he gets better. If he is a reasonable sort he will understand if he expects his pregnant wife to mop his brow send him home to mummy.

Handprints2018 · 29/12/2018 13:13

I would avoid him and go to pharmacy to get dioralite for him and you if you catch it. Get some bleach too.

Baby should be fine if you catch it so long as you keep hydrated.

LovefromJulia · 29/12/2018 13:17

I have the exact same issue of the fear of vomiting, however a couple of years back my sister got the winter vomiting but, I washed my hands, tried to avoid, used loads of soap....and I still got the bug. As did my father!!

I hate to be so unreassuring, but often if one person in the home gets this bug, you all will.

But try not to worry- there is still a chance, depending on what the sickness is caused by- that you may not get it

LovefromJulia · 29/12/2018 13:18

Winter vomiting bug**

MotsDHeureGoussesRames · 29/12/2018 13:33

This is such a shitty pile on of people deliberately poking a sharp stick into the OP's vulnerability. Emteophobics don't feel like this on purpose. It's a genuine MH problem. She clearly feels like shit that she can't look after her DH and don't you think it will have crossed her mind that once she has a child, she'll need to confront her anxiety? I'm sure OP has discussed it with her DH, who sounds more than happy to support her. I'm sure also that she would look after him in a shot, were he to have any other kind of illness than a sickness bug.

I know this is AIBU but for God's sake, a bit of compassion wouldn't go amiss?! Yes, it is irrational - that's the very definition of a phobia and yes, OP is looking for validation to make herself feel better about the things she just feels unable to do; feel free not to give that validation but there is simply no need to be downright unpleasant and make someone feel worse than they clearly already do.

Hugs to you OP and hope your DH is better soon and that you don't succumb. He is an adult and ok to look after himself in this situation. Make sure he has some water by the bed and tell him you love him and are sorry. Given you're an emetophobe, I think it's pretty courageous you are still in the house. Your DH will understand.

Haphazardhacker · 29/12/2018 19:50

I am a fellow emetophobe so I completely sympathise. It’s a phobia we know it’s ridiculous, irrational and makes us act and feel incredibly guilty and selfish in these situations but we can’t help it we are absolutely terrified. I am so bad that despite many kinds of therapy it’s still there ready to rear it’s ugly head.
OP just keep washing hands, get some bleach and keep him out the kitchen.
This will pass, the darkest hour is just before dawn.

If you pop along to mental health you will find some very supportive people as it seems many on here are touched by this hideous mental illness.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 29/12/2018 20:00

Hi OP

I got a sickness bug when pregnant and it turned out 100pc fine but I did catch it when I don't think I would have normally (I was picking up everything and anything due to toddler in nursery and lowered immune system) plus I did feel worse than I think I would have done otherwise - it was harder to stay hydrated and I was so so tired plus it hurt my back and hips having to stay in bed. Plus the worry about the baby

So...I would avoid him. You can still shout up if he wants anything and take him water and rehydration sachets and make sure he is OK. But make sure you are rested and hydrated incase you do get it.

It is a shame there is no where else to have a wee. Attack the bathroom with a spray containing bleach and do all light switches door handles taps and flush. See if you can get him to flush the loo with the lid shut. Keep cleaning it as he will be contagious for a few days. Be fanatical about hand-washing. Sleep on the sofa for a few nights.

I know a few people are saying you are being over the top and it won't kill you but that doesn't mean it will be pleasant and I personally think you should avoid it if you can. If your husband is in reach of a phone then he will be OK especially if you check on him. Sleeping next to him isn't going to make him feel better

Japanesejazz · 29/12/2018 20:03

What are you going to do when your child has sickness and diarrhoea?

emzw12 · 29/12/2018 20:14

I have emetephobja too - fucking awful I wish I didn't. It really does ruin your life and control your life. I know exactly how you're feeling right now. It's awful.

Thisonewilldo · 29/12/2018 20:38

I'm an emetophobe - it's a bightmare when you have kids. I'm lucky DH doesnt mind cleaning up sick.

Anyway I would sleep in a different room, use a different hand towel, use a bleach spray on toilet and sink (bleach is the only thing that will kill it - but be careful obvs what with being pregnant and be sure to open the window etc).

I steam clean after someone has been ill too, to make sure soft furnishings etc are clean.

What I will say though is that both our DC had a horrific bug in the summer and DP was vo.ited on numerous times and didn't catch it so good chance you will be fine.

Haphazardhacker · 29/12/2018 21:19

OP the person saying above “what will you do when your child is ill”. Well you will cope, because you are strong, you are stronger than me as I am that bad I will never have children, to those that do not understand how much emetophobia can impact on your life, this illness can be that bad so please try and be understanding.

Silkei · 29/12/2018 21:20

YANBU. A severe tummy bug is the last thing you need when pregnant. Wash your hands frequently, tell him to wash his, and stay away to protect your baby.

spidereye · 29/12/2018 22:00

Emetophobe here with 2 children (yes, I have time to be that precious! ) This phobia screwed up my Christmas, as it does each year, oh and it screws up most holidays and is one of the reasons I refuse to go abroad. The way to avoid it,(alongside bleaching the shit out of everything) is by not touching your face, not at all - takes great will power

Helix1244 · 29/12/2018 22:40

I think im mildly affected. In that it really freaks me out. I worry about it. Avoid people, hate seeing the dreaded d&v note on the nursery wall. And feel i probably shouldnt look. I think for me it is the stomach pain before being ill.
A few recent incidents. Some b threw up outside our front gate and we could hear the kid do it then walk off!! We had to go out and clear it up as loads of people would have stood in it and got ill. I had to walk on the other side of the road.
Some other has been ill in the bus shelter so how horrible to arrive and see that. I think the worst thing here is the people are making no effort to clean it up despite probably making loads of other people ill.
Incident 1 i believe parent then took them to nursery as they had an outbreak that week.
I managed to have dc (no MS) and i just push through if they are ill whilst panicking constantly that everyone will catch it. Made worse by dc1 getting ill when she has a fever and when they have an ear infection. And prone to 40+ fevers. However on the positive side generally dp and i dont catch stuff from the kids i think we are likely immune. As kids can be ill from hand foot and mouth or adenoviruses etc which dont necessarily affect adults or we may just get D.
A bit like spiders it's not completely irrational so it's really just common sense.

toadabode · 30/12/2018 17:42

You sound ridiculous. You're being irrational and selfish

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