I know I’m going to be told I’m BU but here it goes.
DP is really upset with me and is currently not taking to me. Last night, we don’t live together by the way, DP asked me “...so BSMart, what are your plans for the future ?”. I relied “Well... I want to open up my own business-“. He then cut me and said “Not career wise but in terms of our relationship. I would really like us to start saving up and buy towards a house so we can all start living together as a family”. I told him “Honestly, I can’t think of that right now when I feel there’s still issues and after what has happened between us during the years I will be stupid to consider living with you now and rushing to buy a house with you”. DP got upset and said “Your childish, that’s why I can’t consider having mature conversations with you”.
Before I get flamed. DP and I have been together since teenage-hood. The first 2 years of our relationship was great, after that, it was horrible. Very abusive, physically, emotionally and sexually. It took a lot of mental strength to come out of that. DS was born shortly after, he was inconsistent with contact, refusing to pay maintenance and I was literally a single parent for a huge number of years. DP and I broke up by that point.
He came back again but soon left and didn’t have any contact with DS for 6 months. After that, he came back in contact realised his wrong-doings and has been having a consistent relationship with DS since then (including paying maintenance).
This now brings us back to the present. It has only been recently that DP and I have gotten back together. We have never lived together because I didn’t want to put DS through living 24/7 in an abusive household. Now, DP really wants to make a go, he has his own flat has been persuading us to live with him or save up for a deposit for us to buy our own house. But I still have this niggling feeling, I’m scared to go back to that low confidence, broken down little girl. Even though he hasn’t been abusive for a number of years (we were both young). I’m worried he will turn abusive again and DS will become mentally scarred. I have my own flat, with DS living there of course. It has been drama free for a good number of years. Noscreaming/ shouting, no police turning up at our door and no revolving round of social workers coming in and out of our lives. I’m currently studying on a vocational course which will hopefully lead to good employment. I’m worried if I go back there with DP, it will disrupt all of that.
I have told this to DP and mentioned to him that it has taken me a good number of years to get to this point after all the abuse. But I feel he is not taking this on board. I also don’t feel a year and a half is enough to prove to me that he’s changed and that he’s soon not going to be dipping in and out of DS life any time soon. Also he says some things which makes me think, do I really want to go back to that again ?
Oh I don’t know. I’m prepared to be told that IABU.