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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed at Christmas day guest using sofa as table?

36 replies

Pinkwoman · 28/12/2018 13:15

I didn't say anything. Delicate situation as it is and he was already sulking about something else so I didn't want to escalate things.

But, rather than sit on the comfy corner bit of the (18-month-old) sofa he sat awkwardly on the small awkward chair next to it and used the sofa instead to put his tobacco, papers, assorted other stuff and his plate and knife on top which had been used for cheese and biscuits. I moved this to the table but it appeared again.

Is this an OK thing to do or am I right in thinking it's a bit gross and not really good guest behaviour?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkwoman · 28/12/2018 13:17

I realise the sulking was unreasonable but that's a whole other story which I won't go into here as don't want to out myself

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 28/12/2018 13:17

Could you not sit next to it and let out a big loud smelly fart?

Original poster
Pinkwoman · 28/12/2018 13:23

Haha Mike, if only I'd have thought of that (and the space next to it was available and he hadn't been massively sulking!)

OP posts:
ShalomJackie · 28/12/2018 13:24

You shpuld have just told him. Despite whatever the other delicate sulking situation was .

VickyEadie · 28/12/2018 13:26

A very close friend who visited us recently balanced her (full) coffee mug on the arm of the sofa. It's not a remotely flat arm and I couldn't sit and watch this, so went over and gave her a coaster to put on the fucking table next to her. No words needed to be said.

Original poster
Pinkwoman · 28/12/2018 13:31

I know I should have handled it better. The whole situation was extremely awkward though and I was thinking of the other person in this scenario and not him. Honestly it would have been horrid if I'd have acted and that realisation reminds me why I no longer choose to see this person very much (and won't be having him over again)

It's gross though isn't it? I'm not wrong in that? (also on seat bit of sofa, not arm)

OP posts:
BiscuitDrama · 28/12/2018 13:33

Why do you think it’s gross?

katekat383 · 28/12/2018 13:35

Hardly gross.

FlibbertyGiblets · 28/12/2018 13:37

Not gross. Unconventional and awks, more like.

You say you'll not have him over again so put the temple throb over Christmas day to bed. Move along.

jasmine1971 · 28/12/2018 13:44

Agggh this reminds me of the time nephew came to stay while I was on a weeks holiday - balanced a coffee cup on the arm of the NEWLY CLEANED sofa, spilt the coffee and left it for me to clean up a week later. That was 9 years ago and I'm still peeved.

Original poster
Pinkwoman · 28/12/2018 13:45

Ok maybe gross not the right word, but not really good guest etiquette because tobacco and dirty plates on fabric create a more difficult mess for the host to clear up than if left on a hard surface?

You're right I should move on but kinda interested.

Maybe AIBU though...

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 28/12/2018 13:48

I would say that this is a very small problem for you, not for me though,so just chill out,

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 28/12/2018 13:49

Does he struggle a bit to move around and need things close? Find a little side table to put right next to where he's sitting, then sit down next to him on the bit of hallowed sofa so that he hasn't got any choice.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 28/12/2018 13:50

I'd be annoyed, especially as the sofa is quite new. Sounds like the person is a jerk in general, though, so no point being specially annoyed about this one thing.

Original poster
Pinkwoman · 28/12/2018 13:53

Nope, no mobility issues, coffee table in front and side table within reach

I'd also asked him to take shoes off too, then he went outside to smoke in his socks, so still dragged garden stuff in anyway

OP posts:
oohyoudevilyou · 28/12/2018 13:58

Why on earth didn't you bring the coffee table or a tray over and place his things on that? Or if you had neither of those to hand, draped a clean tea towel over the area of sofa he was using? Of course it was bad manners on his part, but you should've dealt with it at the time. I feel your pain though: I have a frequent guest who has an aversion to coasters and constantly puts their mug on the carpet ready to either kick over or for the cats to slink past and knock over. The last couple of times they've visited I've served coffee at the dining table.

Oldraver · 28/12/2018 14:00

Rude and disrepecful guest behaviour and I wouldn't have any problem with telling people these days probably why we have hardly any visitors Grin

userschmoozer · 28/12/2018 14:04

I think this kind of guest needs a 'mark my territory' post to piss on next to the front door, then maybe they could act with some fucking manners once they have got it out of their system.

Zwischenwasser · 28/12/2018 14:04

oohyou

Sippy cup?!!

Maelstrop · 28/12/2018 14:07

Dirty knife on the sofa? Why didn't you say something? If he was sulking, tough, he's not a child.

LoniceraJaponica · 28/12/2018 14:14

Our sofa is difficult to clean, and I would have had no problems asking someone who behaved like that to use the coffee table. I'm struggling to understand why you couldn't TBH.

I guess if it really was a problem I would have put a clean tea towel under the offending items on the sofa.

ShannonRockallMalin · 28/12/2018 14:31

That would annoy me. Reminds me of a couple of years ago at Christmas when we had a family gathering and I went to sit down on our fairly new sofa to discover a big wet stain. MIL said, oh yes that’s where (insert nephews name here) spilt a drink earlier. No-one had even attempted to clean it up, just left it to spread.

Original poster
Pinkwoman · 28/12/2018 14:35

Thank you for all your answers. As mentioned I should have said or done something, but there is dysfunctional, toxic history here (my own as well as between us), and I honestly felt too anxious to move stuff on to coffee table in front (except the one time when I waited til he wasn't there) , knowing it would have created even crappier atmosphere for me and the other party, especially after earlier misunderstanding that led to existing sulking.

Not an excuse I know and maybe I should have explained more before. This is kinda helping me understand more about reasons why I didn't do anything though

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkwoman · 28/12/2018 14:37

Dirty knife was on dirty plate on sofa, no direct contact but it could easily have slipped off. Putting a tea towel there would also have made the culprit annoyed

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkwoman · 28/12/2018 14:39

Userschmoozer, I've considered that marking territory might be a factor. As well as a general "f* you I'll behave as I please"

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