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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Homelessness with a child

63 replies

Meganj95 · 28/12/2018 12:12

Hi guys I know it's not really the right thread but I'm getting desperate - long story short partner and I live in a desperate part of my parents house with our one year old - think a small annex type flat attached to the house. The other night me and him have had a row - petty - but ended up with a lot of shouting and he went to stay with his mum to calm down for a day or two. Now my parents are saying they don't want us here due to this row (and one or two way in the past). They've said I can stay with our daughter but he has to go - I obviously don't want to split from him OR have that decision made for me by someone that's not a part of our relationship so I've told them we will all just move out. Trouble is we have no money and no where to go. Can anyone offer up some advice? I have emailed our borough councils housing department to ask but no reply yet - we're in a london borough if that helps any.
Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Meganj95 · 28/12/2018 12:13

Sorry that should say a seperate part of the house - you can tell I'm desperate now 😭

OP posts:
MyPoodleisWorthTenofYou · 28/12/2018 12:15

You’ll make yourself intentionally homeless in the view of the council. They won’t help in that case.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 12:15

Honestly? Send him to his Mum’s until you can afford to move out. Please don’t put a child who isn’t homeless into the system just because you don’t want to separate, you can be together and live separately until you can afford to live together. It would be spectacularly selfish to do anything else, the housing sector is buckling already, especially in London, and you and your child aren’t homeless.

MyPoodleisWorthTenofYou · 28/12/2018 12:16

You have somewhere to stay OP even if the circumstances aren’t ideal. You’re not homeless.

colorao · 28/12/2018 12:17

Why doesn't he live with his mum and you stay with your parents whilst you both save to move out. Forcing yourselves to be homeless isn't the best way to solve this, nor any good for your young child.

You can still see your DP but this way you can become more independent.

Neverunderfed · 28/12/2018 12:17

Agreed. Do not make a child homeless for the sake of it.

LLOE7 · 28/12/2018 12:17

I think you need to put your child first before your feelings of wanting to stay living with your partner. I know it will be hard and it's not nice for any of you- but your child needs somewhere to live.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 12:18

Or to put it another way, who comes first? Him or your child? It really is that simple.

(There’s only one answer btw)

BifsWif · 28/12/2018 12:18

You won’t be housed as a priority because you’ll be intentionally homeless.

Why on earth would you put your child in that situation? They have somewhere safe and warm, stay there and have your OH at his mums. Maybe if you do this and show your parents that you’re trying they’ll reconsider in future.

It may not be what you WANT but it’s the only option you have.

continuallychargingmyphone · 28/12/2018 12:19

It’s not quite as simple as that, though, is it?

Do you work OP?

DartmoorDoughnut · 28/12/2018 12:19

I’m guessing it’s much more than one or two rows and your parents want to get you away from him and they’re hoping to force your hand

JumpingJunipersBatman · 28/12/2018 12:19

I can't help but didn't want to read and run.

The arguments must be pretty bad and/or regular if your parents are threatening to kick you out.

I would say though that your daughter should come first. If living with your partner means an unstable housing situation then you need to live without him. No partner is worth making your daughter homeless.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 12:21

It’s not quite as simple as that, though, is it?

It is.

Scenario 1: child stays in home, has everything they need. Their life isn’t disrupted.

Scenario 2: they end up in the homeless accommodation system, at Christmas, because Dad (who also has an option to live with his mum) is more important.

MyPoodleisWorthTenofYou · 28/12/2018 12:21

He’s a cheat isn’t he, the father of your child?

Can’t blame your parents for being less than keen to facilitate that...

FinallyHere · 28/12/2018 12:21

Good advice on here, to stay put with your child.

I'm thinking how it must be for your parents, listening to a row between you and your partner. Having him move out for at least a while, may help all round.

SciFiScream · 28/12/2018 12:23

Stay in the house with your child. Let your partner make other arrangements.
Keep. Your. Child. Housed. That's the first priority. Your relationship comes second. Your partner should be thinking the same. That keeping his child in a home is the priority. If he doesn't think that, if you're not thinking that - then something is wrong.
While you stay there you can be looking for another home that you can all live in. Short term pain will be living apart for long term gain.

BMW6 · 28/12/2018 12:23

Put your child's welfare first - stay put and he can stay at his mums.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 12:24

Just read your other threads OP. Let him go. Please. For your sake and your child’s.

MyPoodleisWorthTenofYou · 28/12/2018 12:24

Honestly OP if you think your borough is just going to hand you a family home you’re in for a big shock.

StylishMummy · 28/12/2018 12:25

Why did you argue?

You and child stay where you are and send him packing.

BMW6 · 28/12/2018 12:25

Other threads?? Is there a much bigger backstory here?

choli · 28/12/2018 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 12:26

He’s a cheat, and makes her feel shit.

I wouldn’t have allowed him to stay as long as he has if I were her parents, hats off to them for tolerating him this long!

MyPoodleisWorthTenofYou · 28/12/2018 12:27

Have reported choli for that vile and crass comment.

CloserIAm2Fine · 28/12/2018 12:27

You seriously need to put your child first and stay put with them.

If you want to be with your partner (and from your parents reaction and what PP have said that may not be a good idea) then you both need to live separately until you can save up to get somewhere together.

But the person who needs to come first and absolutely not be made homeless is your child.