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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Homelessness with a child

63 replies

Meganj95 · 28/12/2018 12:12

Hi guys I know it's not really the right thread but I'm getting desperate - long story short partner and I live in a desperate part of my parents house with our one year old - think a small annex type flat attached to the house. The other night me and him have had a row - petty - but ended up with a lot of shouting and he went to stay with his mum to calm down for a day or two. Now my parents are saying they don't want us here due to this row (and one or two way in the past). They've said I can stay with our daughter but he has to go - I obviously don't want to split from him OR have that decision made for me by someone that's not a part of our relationship so I've told them we will all just move out. Trouble is we have no money and no where to go. Can anyone offer up some advice? I have emailed our borough councils housing department to ask but no reply yet - we're in a london borough if that helps any.
Thank you

OP posts:

gamerchick · 28/12/2018 12:28

Send him to his mother's while you both save to move out properly.

You both might learn some growing up about petty rows and wanting to make your child homeless out of petulance while you do it.

Although from the sounds of it you're better off splitting up for good.

Theunsungsong · 28/12/2018 12:28

As you intend to stay with your partners;
It used to be that if you couldn't live together as an established family unit you would be considered homeless (I haven't kept up with the legislation, so not sure if this is still the case) so you could be considered homeless.

You would need your parents to write a letter confirming your partner is no longer allowed to live on their property. But further investigation would show your joint behaviour led to the refusing to house him anymore, so you would be considered intentionally homeless, so would not be eligible to be housed.

Are your parents or his parents willing to act as guarantors/lend you deposits?

FissionChips · 28/12/2018 12:30

Are you still pregnant?

AornisHades · 28/12/2018 12:30

You would wait a very long time to be housed in London.

formerbabe · 28/12/2018 12:31

Hmmmm, I'd love to hear what your parents have to say.

TwistedStitch · 28/12/2018 12:31

In a London borough even if they accept a homeless application you are not looking at getting housed- temporary accommodation at best, maybe a hostel or b&b. Certainly not better for your child than where you are now.

BifsWif · 28/12/2018 12:31

How will you run a house with no money, out of interest?

Brainfogmcfogface · 28/12/2018 12:32

I couldn’t get any help in London for me and my child and we were actually homeless, after being evicted and staying on sofas, but they couldn’t even get temp accommodation as there was none available, so I really wouldn’t hold out any hope of the council helping when you have a place to stay, sorry.

LIZS · 28/12/2018 12:33

If you intend to stay with your p (and recent posting history might suggest your parents have a point and the relationship is perhaps not good for you) and he is working it is unlikely you would be considered high priority for housing. Leaving now would make yourselves intentionally homeless, they are not evicting you and dc, just him. Do you pay rent currently? Could you work?

TwistedStitch · 28/12/2018 12:34

What happened to the townhouse you were moving into 6 months ago- staying with your parents during refurb??

LagunaBubbles · 28/12/2018 12:35

What was the row about?

Sockwomble · 28/12/2018 12:35

You stay where you are. He stays where he is. You are not homeless.

Bumblebee39 · 28/12/2018 12:35

Stay where you are
Let things blow over while Your partner lives with his parents
Maybe get some couples counselling and start making some savings (this may convince your parents you are serious about making it work and they may give him another chance and if it doesn't you are moving in the right direction)

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2018 12:37

As others have said OP, you need to stay where you are.

You appear to have a tempestuous relationship with this guy, to say the least. Much better for you and baby to stay put.

Plus, I live in a London borough and I can tell you now, even if they did suddenly find emergency accommodation, it'd very likely be only for you and the baby anyway. Not to mention it'd also very likely be a hostel full of crack heads and drunks.

Fairenuff · 28/12/2018 12:40

You're not homeless though are you?

There are genuinely homeless people desperate for shelter and you want to walk out of yours.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/12/2018 12:40

There might have been a very good reason why they don't want him there, was he violent or aggressive towards you and they were worried for your safety. Sounds like it. He needs to stay with his mum, and you stay with your parents with your child. How bad was this row? Was there dv on the part of your partner.

MatildaTheCat · 28/12/2018 12:45

Talk to your parents. They won’t want you homeless but are desperate to change the current situation.

From other comments it sounds like a thoroughly unhappy set up and you are the one who needs to make difficult decisions and be a decent parent by prioritising their needs ( a safe, calm and consistent environment.)

Orchiddingme · 28/12/2018 12:46

Your parents would have to write and say that they were removing you from the property. You couldn't leave yourself otherwise you would be intentionally homeless. Also, many homeless families are housed in bed and breakfast with other needy people (including drug misusers) or properties a long way from London. If you are truly desperate, it's a roof over your head, but it isn't something most people would choose.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 12:47

I’ve been in inner city homeless accommodation, albeit Edinburgh 15 years ago and I didn’t have a child.

It wasn’t fun, it was fucking scary.

bridezilla1 · 28/12/2018 12:50

Myself and my DC were homeless and went through this system and it wouldn't be an option I'd take if there was ANY other option. We spent 6 months in a B&B miles from home, having to sign in and out and amongst ex cons, drug addicts etc. We then got a temporary flat which we spent 3 years in, in a less than desirable area before finally being housed in a slightly nicer flat which we have made home but I'd much rather had been able to have more choice.

I'd stay with your parents, while in the mean time saving up for a rental/house deposit to move in to. If the relationship with your DP is meant to be then not living together temporarily wouldn't cause any problems and would prove to your parents that 1) you can both put DD first and 2) that you intend on staying with DP.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 28/12/2018 12:52

There seems to be more than you are saying in your post, but if I were in your shoes, no way in a million years would I move out of the secure home my child knows in order to make life easier for a cheating partner. Personally I would split with him, stay put and if part of the deal with your parents is some childcare then take the time to retrain or get better qualifications (if necessary) and by the time your child is eligible for free child care you could be in a better financial position to be able to get a little place of your own.

lastqueenofscotland · 28/12/2018 12:53

I work for a council, not a London one but the policies are usually similar, in homelessness, please PM me i can talk you through in detail what you need to know

lastqueenofscotland · 28/12/2018 12:54

I will add it may not be what you want to hear but I have years of experience in this area inc working for shelter and at least can tell you some cold hard facts not just some anecdotal experience

selepele · 28/12/2018 13:02

You WILL NOT get a council house remove that from your head now because you will be wasting your time this is not 2009 and it is not like that anymore the fact you have a child doesn’t mean shit

He can stay at his mums and you stay with your kid
Don’t make your child have a hard life because you don’t want to live without your boyfriend you can still see him at his mums

Save your money and move when you can

selepele · 28/12/2018 13:03

I’m another who is experienced in the housing sector/associations and councils

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