Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To have been assertive at work yesterday

74 replies

Damonlufc88 · 28/12/2018 06:39

So I kind of started my resolution early to be more assertive and voice my opinions more...
At work yesterday & sat in the canteen minding my own business, texting the wife as she had lost her aunty the day previous to huntingtons disease so probably a bit triggered as she is HD positive too. Just about to finish my break and sat on a long table with several colleagues, one of them (a lad a couple years younger than me around mid 20s who is thick as pig... (he had earlier remarked about "getting a maccies on the way home" ) says about somebody who just walked in "look at him, he makes me laugh. How he walks he looks like Woody off Toy Story" which I sniggered at. His friend said "yeah, he looks like he would have gone to a special needs school as a kid"

As my eldest son (6) goes to a special needs school i asked him what did he mean by that comment? I wouldn't have bothered if he was on another table but as he's was sat along from me it kind of got my attention.

He told me that I was looking to take offence at what he said and he wasn't making fun of disabled children. I said along the lines of "what's your opinion on special schools, I'm not taking offence, you brought up SN schools in your remark about how this guy acts"
He kept saying I was trying to cause friction.. I told him I'm not, we work in a huge factory with people from all cultures, up bringing, sexual orientation etc so just mind what you say when your sat in a group.

Kept saying I was trying to take offence, went round in circles for a few minutes, told him how parents I see at school would not like that comment.

Anyway the bottom line is
My son is l autistic, some of the children are really very poorly at my sons school and the parents and teachers do a fantastic job and throwaway comments like what I heard really peave me off and I have told myself to try to be more assertive. I just thought of people want to make that kind of comment in that kind of environment then I'm free to give me opinion too?

Sorry for the ramble post. Happy holidays

OP posts:

Howhot · 28/12/2018 09:11

It's not ok to make fun of anyone, special needs or not. Take a look in the mirror, you are part of the problem.

clockworklime · 28/12/2018 09:17

Assertive. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Juells · 28/12/2018 09:33

HRTFT but can't help noticing that you were OK to laugh at workmate, until his 'joking' affected you.

WillowPeach · 28/12/2018 09:34

Yes he was out of order but so were you for sniggering at the man walking like woody. Sorry but you can’t complain about one person making inappropriate comments because they relate to your child but are happy to snigger at the expense of someone else. Doesn’t sound like a very nice place to work tbf and you’re one of the reasons why. If you want to pipe up and smack someone down for being inappropriate then you should of done so when they criticised that persons gait.

Aridane · 28/12/2018 09:39

Nothing to add as agree with everyone else!

DeepanKrispanEven · 28/12/2018 12:05

I think OP thinks it was OK to snigger at the Woody comparison because he is thinking about this in terms of the person with whom the comparison is made - i.e. children with SN might feel bad about being used as the comparator for a man who walks oddly, whereas Woody can't because he's fictional. OP, try putting yourself in the man's shoes and think about how you would feel if people were sniggering about you and comparing your physical characterics to a toy's.

NoShelfElf · 28/12/2018 13:35

Hey OP, what you did there was protect another child or parent from a thoughtless comment in the future and defend your son's honour. No idea why that's on AIBU thread, maybe look for an Am I Being Awesome thread

HisBetterHalf · 28/12/2018 13:49

just about to finish my break and sat on a long table with several colleagues, one of them (a lad a couple years younger than me around mid 20s who is thick as pig... (he had earlier remarked about "getting a maccies on the way home" ) says about somebody who just walked in "look at him, he makes me laugh. How he walks he looks like Woody off Toy Story" which I sniggered at
So its ok for you to snigger and engage with derogatory remarks so long as no one does it about you or yours?

ilovesooty · 28/12/2018 13:51

I can't see why you think you have any kind of moral high ground.

BlueJava · 28/12/2018 13:55

I've worked in large factories in the past and you meet all sorts... personally I have always taken the approach of being friendly, but not too friendly and not joining in any derogatory banter. Not by saying anything but just by saying something to get out the conversation "Right, better get back to it", or "Just taking my tray back, see you later" or similar. As you say there are many different types of people and some are hard to get on with - my personal approach has been to ignore stuff I don't like, just make friends with people I can get on with.

BrokenWing · 28/12/2018 14:04

The SN school comment obviously hit a personal nerve, but it sounds like as a group you "banter" in a particularly nasty way anyway. If you are involved in that nasty type of banter you are unreasonable to pick and choose to your personal circumstances.

Woody may be a fictional character but the man who was being ridiculed as moving like him was a human being with feelings. Maybe your new years resolutions shouldn't be to be assertive it should be to pick better company.

Notacluethisxmas · 28/12/2018 14:25

@NoShelfElf really? You think making fun of the way people walk is ok?

Just as long as it doesn't impact parents or children?

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 28/12/2018 14:36

I wasn't aware eating maccy d's was something only 'thick' people do.... 🙄
Also lost me at 'the wife' 😡

MulledWineAndCamembert · 28/12/2018 14:40

@NoShelfElf

You think that sniggering at derogatory remarks about someone else is 'awesome'?

Someone who is likely to have a disability/SN themselves if they have an 'unusual' gait?

What is it? Is it ok as long as the person being mocked doesn't hear? Ok if one of the people doing the mocking isn't personally affected by it?

Louiselouie0890 · 28/12/2018 18:20

Wth does a fictional character gog to do with it. Your just as bad as them

ciderhouserules · 29/12/2018 12:56

Not sure why woody being fictional has anything to do with it! If I said you look like Gollum, that'd be ok? Cos he's fictional? Not hurtful at all?

You were not 'assertive'; it hit a (personal) nerve and you called him on it. But the accusations of 'thick' and the sniggering were not you being assertive, jsut you being fucking horrible.

Does your child never eat Macdonalds? Don't you? How would like you or your child to be told they/you are thick?

Dotty1970 · 29/12/2018 13:39

The main point I want to add is that pigs are not thick, they're probably more intelligent than you

Pachyderm1 · 29/12/2018 13:49

He sounds like an arsehole and you weren’t wrong for calling him out but tbh you don’t sound much better with your comments about him being thick etc. So maybe have a look at your own behaviour too.

DarlingNikita · 29/12/2018 13:55

He shouldn't have said that about special needs schools, but you can't claim the moral high ground if you judge people for eating Macdonalds.
If you're intelligent, more intelligent than him maybe, you've no excuse.

So YABU and YANBU really.

Birdsgottafly · 29/12/2018 13:58

"Hey OP, what you did there was protect another child or parent from a thoughtless comment in the future"

The children grow up into Adults, or may walk or speak differently.

Why is it OK to snigger about Adults, but not children?

Adults with SN face daily battles and putting up with arsehole at work, sniggering about them, is a massive one.

OP you are disgusting, your child may one be that Adult getting laughed at. You sound a bit of a bully, all things considered.

You should have stopped him in his tracks by pointing out how wrong it is to laugh at people who are different.

setAsProfile · 29/12/2018 14:06

You're a hypocrite. I'm not too sure your attempts at being "assertive" are working.

Some people weren't deigned to be assertive. Accept it and move on.,

AmIthatbloodycold · 29/12/2018 14:09

Hmmm. You're calling someone else thick? Try harder

JustHereForThePooStories · 29/12/2018 14:20

You all sound like a pack of oiks.

poppiesallykatie · 29/12/2018 14:48

you are going in too hard on your New Years resolution

Flip

1 2 3