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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been assertive at work yesterday

74 replies

Damonlufc88 · 28/12/2018 06:39

So I kind of started my resolution early to be more assertive and voice my opinions more...
At work yesterday & sat in the canteen minding my own business, texting the wife as she had lost her aunty the day previous to huntingtons disease so probably a bit triggered as she is HD positive too. Just about to finish my break and sat on a long table with several colleagues, one of them (a lad a couple years younger than me around mid 20s who is thick as pig... (he had earlier remarked about "getting a maccies on the way home" ) says about somebody who just walked in "look at him, he makes me laugh. How he walks he looks like Woody off Toy Story" which I sniggered at. His friend said "yeah, he looks like he would have gone to a special needs school as a kid"

As my eldest son (6) goes to a special needs school i asked him what did he mean by that comment? I wouldn't have bothered if he was on another table but as he's was sat along from me it kind of got my attention.

He told me that I was looking to take offence at what he said and he wasn't making fun of disabled children. I said along the lines of "what's your opinion on special schools, I'm not taking offence, you brought up SN schools in your remark about how this guy acts"
He kept saying I was trying to cause friction.. I told him I'm not, we work in a huge factory with people from all cultures, up bringing, sexual orientation etc so just mind what you say when your sat in a group.

Kept saying I was trying to take offence, went round in circles for a few minutes, told him how parents I see at school would not like that comment.

Anyway the bottom line is
My son is l autistic, some of the children are really very poorly at my sons school and the parents and teachers do a fantastic job and throwaway comments like what I heard really peave me off and I have told myself to try to be more assertive. I just thought of people want to make that kind of comment in that kind of environment then I'm free to give me opinion too?

Sorry for the ramble post. Happy holidays

OP posts:
sevensatsumas · 28/12/2018 07:34

‘Thick as a pig’ is a horrible comment.

Notacluethisxmas · 28/12/2018 07:35

Who gives a shit if woody is a fictional character. No one said you shouldn't have taken the piss out of woody.

The man at work, I assume is NOT a fictional character.

So its ok to take The piss out if someone physical attributes, but mentioning special needs is the line?

You are as much of a dick as the other bloke.

ScreamingBadSanta · 28/12/2018 07:37

By laughing at the person who looked like Woody, you signalled to this man that you were receptive to the idea of laughing at others' expense, so he saw you as someone who'd appreciate his 'special needs' comment.

In future, don't engage in any conversation making fun of others - 'Sheriff Woody' might seem comparatively harmless, but it's a slippery slope, as you've just discovered.

MidniteScribbler · 28/12/2018 07:38

YABU to use the words "the wife".

TuftyBum · 28/12/2018 07:39

I definitely don't feel bad that I said it in hindsight I would have been more annoyed of I hadn't

Why post in AIBU then if you clearly think you did the right thing?

Notacluethisxmas · 28/12/2018 07:42

Why post in AIBU then if you clearly think you did the right thing?

Either hoping to cause a huge bun fight, hence the sniggering comment dropped in to be goady.

Or a bit of virtue signalling. Wanted everyone to tell them how impressed they at, how brave their were blah blah blah.

jpclarke · 28/12/2018 07:48

In my opinion it is irrelevant if Woody is a fictional character, you still took part in making someone else feel bad about themselves. Making fun of people is not nice. You only got offended when it touched a cord with you but see nothing wrong with either guys behaviour before that. I hope someone reports you all to HR for taking part in bullying practice. I do agree that what was said about SN schools is outrageous but trying to justify one treatment over the other is not acceptable. It was all nasty.

Stardustinmyeyes · 28/12/2018 07:52

You referred to the wife, that was enough to tell me what sort of person you are.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 28/12/2018 07:56

There is a big difference between being assertive and being aggressive.

Judging people for being thick and eating MaccyDs isn’t assertive, it’s being a dick.

GinIsIn · 28/12/2018 07:58

It’s never OK to mock SN but you laughed at the person’s expense first.

I’m not sure why you take such a lofty stance on McDonalds - you aren’t the manager of the Ritz so it seems fairly bizarre to be so snobby.

ADastardlyThing · 28/12/2018 08:01

It's all very " bunch of blokes posturing and being PA to each other " isn't it? Suggest you all grow up.

UrsulaPandress · 28/12/2018 08:04

And you are not exactly coming across as the next Brain of Britain winner OP.

multiplemum3 · 28/12/2018 08:08

Lol so it's okay for you to be a twat about other people but god forbid anyone does it to you. Calling someone thick and laughing at how someone walks is on the same level as the comment you to offence to. I don't think you're going to be very popular at work.

multiplemum3 · 28/12/2018 08:10

Took offence to that was meant to say

Butchyrestingface · 28/12/2018 08:10

(a lad a couple years younger than me around mid 20s who is thick as pig... (he had earlier remarked about "getting a maccies on the way home" )

You lost the moral high ground here and at the sniggering bit. What's inherently thick in saying you're going to get a "maccies" anyway?

Maybe see to yourself first before chastising anyone else.

ChristmassyContessaConSparkles · 28/12/2018 08:11

In RL I suspect we all judge each other, all the time (for being too fat/stupid/ugly/whatever); the trick is to realise that it would be unfair and unkind to voice that judgement. Hence OP internally judging their colleague but being upset at colleague externalising their own judgement of others.

Notacluethisxmas · 28/12/2018 08:15

ChristmassyContessaConSparkles except he hasn't internalized it.

And he laughed when they were taking the piss, until sn was mentioned.

badtime · 28/12/2018 08:30

Why would the fact that Woody is a fictional character make mocking someone for walking like him less hurtful?
At school, I was mocked for walking like Thunderbirds puppets and I can assure you, that was hurtful. Anyone laughing along with the comments would have been participating in the bullying. And so were you.

Neverunderfed · 28/12/2018 08:34

Dude, they weren't taking the piss out of woody, they were taking the piss out of a real life person. Just like your son. Get it?

ChristmassyContessaConSparkles · 28/12/2018 08:43

Notaclue I suppose so. On reflection though, I tend to think judging someone when they won't ever hear of it (i.e. on an anonymous forum) isn't great but is better than doing it to their face (or proclaiming to a room and encouraging others to agree with you).

I can see why everyone is saying Op's inconsistent though.

DeepanKrispanEven · 28/12/2018 08:48

I really don't understand why you thought it was OK to snigger at how someone walked purely because the comparison was to a fictional character. Would you like it if your work colleagues were sniggering between themselves about some personal characteristic of yours and saying it made you look like a puppet?

To be honest, your own grammar and use of terms like "fictual" doesn't exactly give you the high ground in terms of commenting on the intelligence of other people.

Biancadelriosback · 28/12/2018 08:49

So it's fine to mock people if you compare them to a fictional character? How does that work?

I absolutely would call someone out on that behaviour if they were sat at my table and mocking disabilities or similar. Very calm yet firm. Ask them to explain why they felt that comment was acceptable.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 28/12/2018 08:53

If you genuinely believe that you sniggering at someone’s walk is ok, and Is somehow better than your colleague’s remark, then you are also ‘thick’. Your own bullying behaviour is just as bad as his. He apologised. You aren’t even capable of seeing what you did wrong.
I think he’s cleverer than you are.

Notacluethisxmas · 28/12/2018 08:55

ChristmassyContessaConSparkles I still don't get your point.

The op laughed at them taking the piss out of how he walked. The op joined in and encouraged the mocking. But when it touched a nerve for the op they weren't ok with it.

In part because they so clearly look down on this co worker. Their view and judgment of the co worker has made them feel they can have a go at them. Despite laughing at someone physically.

The op added the co worker was thick, the bit about their wife and about wanting to be assertive to get people on side.

They clearly think they are more intelligent than the co worker and that justifies laughing along then having a go.

Raven88 · 28/12/2018 09:07

You were only offended because it hit close to home. You describe this guy as thick and comments on him getting a McDonald's on the way home. I would of challenged his thinking by saying, "bet he got a good education then". Then I would of moved on, you laughed at this guy too. Don't be offended for the sake of being offended.