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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not speak to the journalist

66 replies

justwantanopinion · 28/12/2018 01:27

My son died due to cot death at 8 weeks old. The charity who has helped us featured our son as part of their Christmas campaign.
A journalist from The Sun messaged me very quickly asking if I wanted to 'do a story'. I don't think I do. AIBU to think the journalist is a CF?!

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 28/12/2018 01:54

OP- just say no. The journo will find someone else.

Original poster
justwantanopinion · 28/12/2018 01:57

Thanks @LuluJakey1 my instinct is to say no.

OP posts:
Piebeansandchips · 28/12/2018 02:28

@justwantanopinion unfortunately once it's public it's a case of the stable door being bolted after the horse has left. He /She legally can say @justwantanopinion said this yesterday etc to create a story. It's a slow news day round this time of year so they are all under pressure to get stories

curiousierandcouriser · 28/12/2018 02:29

I'm so sorry for your loss OP Flowers

YWNBU to say a polite "no" to the journalist - he/she is just doing his/her job. Your story might still be mentioned regardless of whether you talk to them though as the charity put out the press release in the first place.

user1473878824 · 28/12/2018 02:31

@justwantanopinion Just say no, you won’t offend or let anyone down. Honestly it’s fine, don’t worry about that for a second. But, in all likelihood, they will still do the story, without a comment for you. Please prepare yourselves for that.

WardrobeMalfunction · 28/12/2018 02:37

I was once interviewed by a journalist for a pleasant feature (ie, nothing sensitive or upsetting to me. I'm so sorry for your loss). The journalist asked me some questions in a sort of "Would you agree that..?" format, and then quoted me as having said those things, when in fact I had said nothing more newsworthy than, "I suppose so, yeah".

Moral of the story, you have no editorial control...

FortunesFave · 28/12/2018 02:45

Journalists from tabloids are like rats OP. They look for stories which are particularly upsetting or particularly scurrilous. That's their job.

I was once contacted on MN by a DM journo sniffing around because I mentioned a BBC executive I'd had a bad experience with.

They must troll the pages daily! Just ignore.

kateandme · 28/12/2018 03:40

nope.the sun will find a way to make it sensationalised.anything remotiely off they will play on.it will be made as emotive as possible sometimes not to your side of things.no no no to the sun.have you read a front page of theirs recently.

SadOtter · 28/12/2018 03:50

My baby brother died 17 years ago yesterday. I spoke to a journalist 7 years ago, they twisted and turned everything I said and it has damaged me nearly as much as him dying did.

When he died I was 13, his death was because I was too young to know how to save him, I had delivered him and was giving mum CPR, I thought because he had cried he was OK, but by the time the ambulance came it was too late for him. At 23 I should have known that would be twisted into a choice i never really had, coz sensationalist shit makes headlines. The article said I chose mum over my brother. I didn't. I didn't know there was a choice. I still don't know if I could have saved him. I knew how to do CPR coz Guides first aid badge but the midwife said even if mum had been on the ward he probably wouldn't have made it, there is no way, even if I'd let mum die and concentrated totally on him that I could have saved him. I don't even know if it had been a choice who I would have chosen, its not a choice anyone should make.

Point is I knew it wasn't my fault, mum and dad knew it wasn't, but that article dug away at us all, it made people blame me, made people who had no right to comment gossip about me. Letting a journalist print it is probably the stupidest thing we have ever done.

If you have misgivings please don't do it.

Original poster
justwantanopinion · 28/12/2018 03:58

@SadOtter thanks for sharing, that is so so sad. You are so right, I am not going to share my precious story about my boy to just anyone. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Big hugs xxx

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratcett · 28/12/2018 04:20

You could choose Mick's approach...

To not speak to the journalist
MrsTerryPratcett · 28/12/2018 04:21

If you can't read that, one of the Grenfell firefighters posted a picture of his helmet. The Sun asked if they could use it and his response was, "not in your shitrag".

SadOtter · 28/12/2018 04:36

@justwantanopinion Hugs to you too. He is your boy and you should never second guess yourself if you don't want someone sharing his story. I have always been happy to talk about my brother, sometimes sharing the story helps. There are many charities that have featured him and me, and what has happened since, they need those real life stories to raise awareness, the sun doesn't.

Phillipa12 · 28/12/2018 05:02

My dd aged 3 died nearly 5 years ago, she died of sepsis after contracting pneumonia, her little brother was 10 days old at the time. A couple of years ago the uk sepsis trust contacted her dad as i had given them my story, they asked if they could use it to help raise awreness around world sepsis day, a blond haired little girl cuddling a newborn catches the publics attention more than a 50 year old man. We agreed, she was featured in the Huffington post and country living magazine in Australia and the US. The story was 99% accurate and even though it upset me to reread all what we went through another part of me was so proud that my dd might save another childs life by making other parents aware of the dangers of sepsis. What happened, happened. Nothing i can do will change it, i love her and miss her everyday, you know only to well the heartache that comes with losing a child. Speaking to a journalist about your story is very personal, she will not be offended if you say no, she probably has a list of people to contact till she gets a yes. If you are having doubts then i thingk you know your answer. Xx

canigetaliein · 28/12/2018 05:05

if your not comfortable op then don’t feel bad about say no, I’m sorry for your loss. How awful SadOtter for you to go through all that.

DoraJar · 28/12/2018 05:43

DS1 was overseas when a major disaster struck and during the time it took to know he was ok (about a day or so) we were contacted by several journalists. Very unsavoury - even after we knew he was ok they wanted to do a piece on the distress we felt until we knew he was alive! We had not gone public at all - but his DSB had used Google’s offer to relay messages to link up missing persons. Word of warning (and unknown to us) this is very public! I had already gone through the FCO so was not needed. I the end one journalist still went ahead and published a story (only our local paper - and the story wasn’t true)!

I am very sorry for your loss - please follow your instinct and say no to the scumbag journo who has contacted you - I hope they have the decency to leave you alone.

Lauren83 · 28/12/2018 07:15

I think they are just doing their job like a PP said, some parents might want to have their story told. I got glassed across my face on a night out and had a journalist from the local paper and the mirror contact me as they were running a campaign on more plastic glasses in bars, not sure how they got my details but one posted a hand written note through the door and one knocked on the door

FruminousBandersnatch · 28/12/2018 07:58

@knittingdad chances are the charity would say no. I would only go to the charity if I couldn’t find the OP’s details any other way.

Also, looking at it through a cynical Sun journo lens, if you went through the charity you would deal with a media person and they would be media savvy. Whereas the average person is not always as switched on about the way their story would be used.

Sad but true. “Not all journos” and all that - but some of them. Just say no OP - you don’t even have to answer.

beltanelove · 28/12/2018 08:08

My family also have had experience of journalists changing what we said. In our case my MIL died of Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, the sporadic type not the variantCJD which fuelled the term Mad Cow Disease. We expressly asked for them not to state Mad Cow Disease. .... it was part of the title. Very upsetting. Trust your instincts OP. I’m so sorry for the loss of your child.

imip · 28/12/2018 08:13

If your gut says no, don’t do it. I was once interviewed about my dd who was stillborn by the evening standard. It was a huge article, as a celeb had lost a baby at the same time in a similar way to me at the time. I was happy to do it to highlight that stillbirth can happen to anyone and just how devastating it would be for anyone.

Like a pp, I was asked questions and I kinda agreed, but I didn’t really think about it and I felt the statements were misconstrued to
Fit in with the journo’s line.

In the past year I’ve given interviews on a subject I’m well versed in. While emotive (a different topic) I’ve left my family out of it deliberately and have controlled the topic more. I feel much less vulnerable about this.

You do sound vulnerable op and I wouldn’t go ahead if I were you.

grumiosmum · 28/12/2018 08:35

OP, I'm an ex-journalist and now a PR adviser.

You've had lots of good advice already on this thread.

I'll just reiterate - if you speak to a tabloid journalist, it is highly likely you won't like the way your interview is presented in the story.

It's absolutely fine to say No to them. Be firm and clear so they get the message, but there's no need to be rude.

Not unethical for them to contact you via Facebook.

You agreed to let the charity use your case to raise awareness, they should perhaps have given you better advice about the potential consequences of that. Your story is out there now though, in the public domain, and you should understand that follow-up approaches may continue to come from other media.

Please also be aware that anything at all that you say to a journalist unless you expressly tell them it is off the record first will be considered 'fair game.'

hackmum · 28/12/2018 08:38

I'm very sorry for your loss, OP. You are under no obligation to speak to the journalist, so feel free to say No with a clear conscience.

From a journalist's point of view, I'd just add: it's usual in cases like this for the journalist to approach the charity press office and ask to speak to you. I don't know why the journalist hasn't done this - perhaps it's because the press office isn't open over Christmas and they're on a tight deadline.

I'd also add that although people loathe the Sun, the paper would almost certainly treat a story like this sensitively. They are not complete bastards, after all, and they understand their audience. I've often seen stories like this dealt with better in the tabloids than in the broadsheet press.

Guacatrole · 28/12/2018 08:41

The sun is a pile of shite but even they wouldn’t try and turn a story about cot death against the parents. They do campaigns as well so I’m sure that’s what this is about. Feel free to say no to the journalist though Flowers

KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin · 28/12/2018 08:45

Firstly, I am very sorry for your loss.

They need to fill their pages with stories of human interest as well as actual news. Some people would like the opportunity to appear in the national press. They might find it therapeutic to talk openly about the loss of a child and they might feel they are honouring the memory of that child while informing others about what caused their death.

It’s entirely up to you to decide how you feel and whether you want to contribute to lining the pockets of an appalling rag like the Sun (I wouldn’t) but maybe they might donate to SIDS or something if you did the story? I don’t think it’s wrong of the journo to ask, and I doubt they’d say anything to misrepresent you, it’s not that sort of story. So long as they asked with respect and sensitivity, I’d reply respectfully, ‘Thanks but no thanks.’

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