Did we expect too much from 5 year old?

[Racheyg]

Not sure if we expect too much from 5 year old ds?

He was playing upstairs with his cousin (6) and his younger brother (3) I'm in the kitchen so couldn't hear anything. All of a sudden dh called out for me. I run upstairs and ds2 is in tears blood streaming down his face, with a huge gash to his head. Both ds1 and cousin say they don't know how it happened. Me and dh take ds2 to hospital and leave ds1 with in-laws.

Once ds2 is calmer we asked what happened he tells us that he was being spun on a chair and he fell off and hit his head on brass handles. After 4hrs in A&E ds2 is stitched up and set home.

In the mean time dh tells me he over heard ds1 say to cousin "oh now we can play on our own" I found this quite upsetting that he could be so mean. Dh was angry.

Are we expecting too much from a 5 year old to understand that when someone is hurt/bleeding you comfort/worried about them? Is it a sibling thing?

For context We did hear that while me and dh were at the hospital ds1 was worried and threw up everywhere and needed a lie down. (He has only ever been sick twice in his life)

Please be kind not sure as I'm worried my ds1 is growing up to be mean

I think you can use this as a learning opportunity for DS1, e.g. “Can you imagine how DS2 might have felt? What do you think he felt?” in order to help him develop empathy. I think you ought to tackle him about lying to - when he said he didn’t know what happened he clearly did know, and 5 is old enough to know that it’s wrong to lie.

Aquamarine you’re clearly very superior, well done.

*too not “to”, typing quickly before Aquamarine1029 corrects me!

My MIL, staunch Catholic and former Reception teacher, says there's good reason for kids not getting their first Holy Communion till they're 7 - cos they just don't properly understand the difference between right and wrong at that age. Her DGS did something mildly shocking but also a bit funny at school at around 6. Everyone was terrified of her reaction. because she's so conservative usually, but she just dismissed it by saying how could he possibly know what he was doing, if he's not Communion age yet?

Sorry, UNTIL that age, not at.

Thanks everyone.

I want to say again that I didn't not intentionally leave my 5 year old to look after my 3 year old with their 6 year old cousin. I assumed they were playing in the lounge where my in-laws were, as I was cooking in the kitchen.

I think empathy is something that you learn and has to be taught so it's a great opportunity to sit your older lo down and explain that when someone hurts themselves it's nice to comfort them because it makes them feel better. It's incidents like this that will help your lo learn. Small children have very small worlds that revolve around them and they need guidance to make them realise the world is bigger than them. Your 5 year old reacted in a way that most 5 year olds would but I don't think he's too young to have it pointed out to him what the kind thing to do when an accident happens and hopefully he'll learn for next time. You just have to gently keep reminding him, he'll get it more as he gets older.

I assumed they were playing in the lounge where my in-laws were, as I was cooking in the kitchen.

It's not the intention of your thread, but I'd query with the ILs why the children were left alone. They should at least have told you/your OH/a resposible adult they were leaving. Or they should have paid attention to where the children were.

Perhaps they didn't think it was their responsibility and assumed you were (somehow) keeping an eye on the children, but I'm from the school of thought that all adults should be responsible for the children, particularly if the parents are not in the room or sufficiently close. Even more if they are relatives.

Oh no 5 is far too young for empathy! Those tiny frontal lobes...