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Original poster

Does anyone NOT visit extended family at Xmas

47 replies

YankeeCandlePong · 27/12/2018 17:29

DH and I both work for companies that close between Xmas and New Year and those days are taken out of our annual leave

We live 2 hours from in laws and slightly further from my family - in different directions!

Neither will make the journey to see us. So I'm sat at MiLs, watching Michael McIntyre and thinking I'd rather be home.

Tomorrow it's off to my family. I'm wondering if anyone has a we're staying home you're welcome to come to see us but if you don't want to that's fine policy. And are you horribly guilt tripped for it?

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 27/12/2018 17:32

We have Christmas at home by ourselves.

The in laws visit their other son - We were allocated 5 minutes on Sunday while they handed over presents on the doorstep. Wouldn't come in
My only family go away at christmas so we don't see them either.

It's absolutely wonderful!!!

papayasareyum · 27/12/2018 17:32

we've done that for years. There's five of us, so it's easier for my Mum and sister (no kids) to visit, but they never have (in 20 years) at Xmas. We always tell them they're welcome to come, but we don't travel. It's an 8 hour round trip to where they live and dragging three kids around the country at Xmas time is pretty grim. We do get the guilt trips about it from time to time, but it doesn't work!

Flutternotsoshy · 27/12/2018 17:34

Slightly different scenario but we haven't visited either set of parents.

This is because...

No1. I work over Christmas. I had Christmas day off then back to normal. PiL's live 240 miles away and we can't stay with them and can't afford a hotel at this time of year.

No2. My parents live 5 minutes away and host lots of mum's family. If I go there I become head skivvy, and end up driving drunk aunt's around, so we choose to stay home. I'll see them as they're so close but we don't "visit"

No3. Both sets of parents are welcome to visit. Mine don't cos it's easier in their eyes for me to pop In.
PiL's do very occasionally as mil has bad back so again needs hotel and it's a long old way and expensive.

No guilt trips either side. Think it's cos they know I'm working though

Doilooklikeatourist · 27/12/2018 17:35

We stay at home ( and didn’t invite anyone to visit )
The in laws came for lunch on Sunday , and we haven’t seen anyone else
My parents are both dead , I don’t speak to one sister , so it’s quite easy

OutPinked · 27/12/2018 17:37

We spend Christmas Day at home by ourselves. MIL popped round on Christmas
Day to drop presents but thankfully wasn’t here long. We saw my Mum and FIL a couple of days before Christmas and DP went to visit his grandad for an hour on Christmas morning. That was it. We haven’t had to contend with visits to anyone’s home or awkward dinners which I’m grateful for.

Original poster
YankeeCandlePong · 27/12/2018 17:40

I don't know why they just won't come to us - they are fit retirees with lots of time on their hands.

MiL insists we go there and then whinges about having to cook. My DH is a fab cook and could cater for them without getting into the tizz MiL does.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 27/12/2018 17:43

We do get together for a meal with each of the various parts of our extended families before Christmas or in the time between Christmas and New Year's eve. Christmas Day we are at home, everyone and anyone are welcome to visit us (with notice...) but we do not move from home. That time when our travelling is all done is always a much anticipated moment.

In schooldays and uni I went 'home' then started to alternate seeing my side with visiting (now ex) DP's family. In the first year when I started a reasonably serious relationship with (now) DH, I spent a lot of Christmas Day on a motorway, trying to see both him and my family. The weather wasn't great for travelling, the screen wash valves on my car froze up so that i had to keep stopping to clear the windscreen. That was the year i decided 'never again' and arranged very early the next year that we would do the Christmas visits in the run up to Christmas Day.

Its been brilliant. Sometimes we host 'everyone' here, ofttimes its just the two of us, and everything in between and each one has been ... brilliant. The key i think is for everyone to understand and then to get the dates in the diary early, usually on or shortly after the August Bank Holiday. Did i say .... brilliant

user1471521128 · 27/12/2018 17:43

We made the decision to stay at home a few years ago when we got fed up of doing all the travelling. My mum makes noises about coming to stay with us each year but just loves being the centre of attention as the host so comes up with some excuse of "oh but X (a stranger to me) can't possibly go to their family so they'll have to come with me (my house isn't big enough)" so she ends up staying at home to host and then whinges about it all year. My in laws are of the view that parents don't travel to children (although ironically their parents always travelled to them) so we gave them an open invitation and left it at that knowing they wouldn't be able to grow up and get over their outrage and travel to us. They have yet to realise that guilt tripping washes over me so still waste their time with that.

CarolDanvers · 27/12/2018 17:46

We don’t. We used to but then I realised it was always us doing the journey and it was at the back of my mind that I was going to have to do a six hour round trip on Boxing Day for the whole week leading up to Christmas. It’s also no fun thinking about laundry and packing for three people all through Christmas Day and Boxing Day so we stopped doing it and I far prefer it.

ChristmassyContessaConSparkles · 27/12/2018 17:46

This year we have stayed home and had several days of doing nothing at all. It's been fantastic and I intend to do it again next year!

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 27/12/2018 17:47

We stay at home. There's us 2 and then our 4 kids and we don't drive, so family will visit us in the morning.

whittingtonmum · 27/12/2018 17:51

We celebrate just the four of us and it's absolutely brilliant. I don't have to somehow try and fit in all the kids' excitement around other people's expectations or schedules. Xmas food shopping takes about an hour and we prepare something quick which everyone enjoys eating (salmon etc). It's really great and I highly recommend it. It's still festive but also very chilled. The in-laws get a visit the weekend before Xmas. They live three hours drive away. My parents are both dead so no guilt trip from their side. DH used to get pressure from his family but we did not cave in (My red line and he would never admit that it works very well for him too). In-laws would not visit us so it would be us doing the travelling, staying in hotels etc in short a nightmare Xmas with children and expensive on top of that.

Abouttime1978 · 27/12/2018 17:52

We stay at home.

We have three young kids and so travelling long distance is a nightmare.

People are welcome to come to us. I'm too busy to care about guilt trips for people who expect me to do all the running and never reciprocate.

Original poster
YankeeCandlePong · 27/12/2018 17:52

My in laws are of the view that parents don't travel to children

It's weird, isn't it? PiL are the same. And they won't let us being our very passive dog so we have to organise a dog sitter for him Sad

OP posts:
AnnaMariaDreams · 27/12/2018 17:53

We have my parents and MIL on Christmas Day and otherwise do our own thing.

GlowWine · 27/12/2018 17:57

We've been 'alone' (4 of us) for the last few years. Not a problem, every one accepted it. When we were students etc DH and I alternated visits for years, as our parents live in opposite direction at least a day's travel away.
When DC were born we declared that we'd stay home now, and everyone was invited to come an stay. Which the ILs did (I do get on with them), weather permitting. My parents never came. fair enough, set in their ways, lots of fixed social obligations and across the channel. ILs over time switched from travelling by car to train, and have not actually been for the last three years or so. And I guess I can't blame them. If the train companies are not causing trouble, the weather is. the last trip they were affected by flooding. They also have a one hour+ drive across windy/snowy moors from home to the nearest train station. So we see each other at other times in the year.
We have flown to my parents once when they kids were a bit more 'manageable' and their present s smaller... but again the stress with the threat of snow etc (snow was already falling quite nicely, sat on the delayed evening plane for an hour white they de-iced it...)

fc301 · 27/12/2018 17:57

OP you are married, you are dog parents and I'm assuming you are in your 20s or older.
Time to start your own Xmas traditions as a family. You do not have to do as you are told!

user1471521128 · 27/12/2018 17:59

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Yep because as I said my OH said that his grandparents always used to travel to them.

To be fair it's a bit of a relief because the one time they did come to stay (thankfully not Christmas) it was the most horrible weekend ever.

user1471521128 · 27/12/2018 18:00

Sorry still getting used to the app. I was reply to the OPs reply to mine.

thewinkingprawn · 27/12/2018 18:03

We stopped doing it a few years ago and now have lovely christmasses as opposed to the stressful, constantly on the road christmasses of former years. It wasn’t that we didn’t have a nice time but my goodness it was stressful and tiring

nokidshere · 27/12/2018 18:05

We haven't been anywhere at Christmas for nearly 20 yrs. anyone is welcome to come to ours (but don't) but we don't travel at all from Christmas Eve till New Year's Day.

My pfb was 5 weeks old on his first Christmas so we travelled to Manchester from Wiltshire, and took the in-laws with us so all my family could meet him (took me 15+yrs to get pregnant) and then made sure everyone knew that after that they could come to us if they wanted.

SmokeGetsInYourEye · 27/12/2018 18:06

We have a we’re staying at home, you’re staying at home. I visit my Mum&Dad in November (flight away) and we visit dh’s family over New Year if it suits everyone. No guilt trips - it just works for us.

toolazytothinkofausername · 27/12/2018 18:11

If you can next year please instead go to a hot country and enjoy your vacation days!

bridgetreilly · 27/12/2018 18:12

I'm wondering if anyone has a we're staying home you're welcome to come to see us but if you don't want to that's fine policy. And are you horribly guilt tripped for it?

Apparently everyone else in your family has that policy?

Amazonian27 · 27/12/2018 18:14

We do this couldn’t be trashed driving all the way to in-laws on Christmas Day and being squashed up in a box room. Once we had the DC waking up on the floor over Christmas was a no-no for me. We just stay out. My family lives 10 mins drive away & cant be arsed to visit us I saw them for an hour on Christmas Eve and DH’s family lives 3 hours away. It’s lovely and relaxing.

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