Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NYE

41 replies

LottieLou90 · 27/12/2018 16:01

Hi all,

This might be a long one so please bear with.

I know we have just finished Christmas but New Years is just around the corner. My DH has suggested a fun night where parents grandparents and children can participate. It doesn’t cost a lot of money, is indoors, so he suggested it on a group chat.

My BIL and his GF have a 6 month old. Their lives are ruled by her. For example they missed out on my FIL 60th meal at 6.30pm because baby has to go to sleep at 6pm. So I planned something for us the next day in the afternoon which they couldn’t attend due to baby nap time. They came over Christmas Day after a time they set due to baby’s nap time, stayed for food then hurried up the presents before leaving because of bedtime.

BIL’s GF has said they can’t go NYE because it’s past baby’s bedtime. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for routine and bedtime. We have a 6 year old and a 5 month old. Both fab and great sleepers thankfully. It’s my SIL’s birthday on NYE too so she is up for it.

I just feel a little flat as everything revolves around baby at the moment. Surely one night or even one occasion would be ok?

I am fully prepared to be told I am being unreasonable and have my hard hat on. It just seems that everything has to be around the baby but surely, surely one night would be ok? My DH is feeling sad because he rarely sees his brother anymore despite asking him out for a drink etc.

Thanks for reading this far x

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 27/12/2018 16:10

This one is very simple. It’s an invitation, not a summons. Plan your activity and enjoy it. They are in a particular season of life. Get together a will become easier in the future.

Original poster
LottieLou90 · 27/12/2018 16:15

Thank you @Purple it’s just a couple of examples of invitations.
I was asked to countersign something for them but could only go when baby wasn’t sleeping, even though I was 5 weeks PP.

I love them all but maybe it’s a first time parent thing? Like I say, before my little one, it’s been 6 years since I had a newborn so maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill x

OP posts:
wowfudge · 27/12/2018 16:42

You've stated you have a 5 month old so I'm confused - was that a typo OP?

Zaratallzara · 27/12/2018 16:47

I think yabu. It's entirely up to them what they do.

InspectorIkmen · 27/12/2018 16:49

Can you not just go ahead without them? Confused

Kikipost · 27/12/2018 16:52

Deeply unreasonable

Original poster
LottieLou90 · 27/12/2018 16:52

@wowfudge no, not a typo, like I said, it will be indoors.

The family will be together and rooms upstairs if babies want to sleep (I should’ve said that in the original post) and they can sleep on a sofa if they both want a drink.

It would just be nice for my DH to spend some time with his brother and seeing the new year in. Plus I like his brother and girlfriend and my DD loves her cousin.

I guess I am being unreasonable. And it is just an invite and not a summons. I’m hoping that them fobbing off invites won’t last as we are constantly asking to meet up / go to theirs / come to us etc x

OP posts:
userschmoozer · 27/12/2018 16:53

Its a pretty strong reaction to feel flat over one couple who decide not to attend. Maybe they feel a bit overwhelmed, maybe they are being a bit PFB. Its not really a big deal, is it?

Ragwort · 27/12/2018 16:53

Surely the rest of you can just get together and do whatever this mystery activity is on NYE Confused. Maybe BIL & GF are just not as into family get together as the rest of you are and prefer to use the baby as a bit of an ‘excuse’. Personally I never go out on NYE but I’m just honest & say it’s not my thing.

Original poster
LottieLou90 · 27/12/2018 16:53

We can go ahead without them of course. It just feels sad they won’t be there I guess x

OP posts:
Amanduh · 27/12/2018 16:54

It’s not a pfb thing. They have a small child, they want to keep things in the easiest routine possible. And bloody fair enough.

QforCucumber · 27/12/2018 16:55

We were quite ruled by ds naps at that age as otherwise he'd become a screamy overtired mess who wouldn't ever drift off. If he got enough sleep he was a different baby. It's frustrating for them as much as it is for you but the alternative you have to live with is a nightmare

Zaratallzara · 27/12/2018 16:55

But op, not all parents are the same and not all babies are the same.

Maybe they're tired, overwhelmed, who knows?

Ragwort · 27/12/2018 16:55

Why doesn’t your DH just try to see his bother on his own sometimes without it having to be a family occasion? I would love to see more of my siblings, but on our own with no ILs or children around Grin.

TurkeySandwichAnyone · 27/12/2018 16:56

I'm just imagining who in my family is my brother in law's partner.

Yep I've got it now. I like her but we've never yet spent nye together. No way would i have been up for it with a baby in tow. It's a bit different for you as you'll presumably be in your own home.

LokiBear · 27/12/2018 16:56

I ignored NYE when my first born was 6mo. Sleep was far more appealing. Last year, dd2 was 11 months, my parents had her overnight so she could go to bed when tired. Leave the new parents to their strict routine. It is their baby and they are probably struggling with the shock to the system a newborn brings, but hoping structure and routine will help. We've all been there. I was never has strict as your sil but always stuck to bed time and food times for my dc. SIL is way more relaxed than me and I know she and MIL judge me for being stricter. The thing is, it works for my family and we are happy with our routine. SILS more relaxed approach wouldn't work for us, but I do not judge her for it because she and her kids are happy so it obviously works for them. Last night SIL sent whatsapp pictures of our DNs still up and playing at 10pm. Our dds (7 and almost 2) had been tucked up in bed since 8pm and 7pm. I asked dh if he thought we should have let them stay up later as it is Christmas and he laughed, said 'no way' and poured me another glass of wine. Grin

Original poster
LottieLou90 · 27/12/2018 16:56

Ok, so the consensus is iabu which is fine. I just wanted to see what others thought.

My mum passed away when I was younger and it’s a lovely thing to have a DH that has a big family to celebrate things with. I guess I just don’t want them to miss out on a night or two because of a routine.

Thank you for your replies everyone x

OP posts:
Shinypebbler · 27/12/2018 16:56

YABU. Give them a break. Okay not how you'd live your life but they can live their life how they choose. Whatever you do, don't make your feelings known to them, you risk ruining your relationship with them which is exactly what has happened in our family. We can tolerate SIL and BIL no longer and now don't see them at all save for family funerals.

Returnofthesmileybar · 27/12/2018 16:56

Just go without them!

You: want to go to xx at 7pm Monday?
Them: no baby sleeps at 6pm
You: ah ok not to worry, you'll miss a fun evening, maybe next time

People who stick rigidly like that and expect you to work around babies routine are a pain in the ass, leave them be, don't pander to them

Tistheseason17 · 27/12/2018 16:56

Baby's aren't small for long - they'll be up for going out together soon.

TurkeySandwichAnyone · 27/12/2018 16:59

Your idea for a get together sounds lovely. I hope you have a good time with those who are up for it too.

SassitudeandSparkle · 27/12/2018 17:00

YABU. Perhaps your BIL just prefers to spend his time with his partner and child at the moment. It does seem a little over-the-top to say that he doesn't see his brother any more when it's been less than a year!

Original poster
LottieLou90 · 27/12/2018 17:00

Thank you all again. I think I’m being too uptight about memories, not only for me but for my PIL.

My DH has asked quite few times now for time with his DB (a game of pool, bowling or a drink etc but he’s had no joy)

We all used to go out together before younger ones were here so maybe I’m thinking too much in the past?

X

OP posts:
Original poster
LottieLou90 · 27/12/2018 17:01

Thank you @TurkeySandwichAnyone xx

OP posts:
imstickmanyousee · 27/12/2018 17:01

I had postnatal anxiety after dc1. It was awful and I was exactly like this. I'm not saying that's what his GF has but no one in my family knew I was struggling. I just used nap time/routine as an excuse.

I don't think YABU and your heart is definitely in the right place but there could be many reasons why they can't/don't want to attend. Enjoy the party op!

Swipe left for the next trending thread