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AIBU?

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Original poster

Upset over this

41 replies

Princesslucky1 · 26/12/2018 23:52

We went to my mums house for dinner today, My children were having great fun with their cousins, the two 6 years olds can get very hyper and a bit cheeky when together, they were playing in the office along with my 2 year old and 8 year old when my father went to the loo he didn’t close the door and the two 6 year old were annoying him and shouting at him silly things, he came out of toilet and shouted at the 4 of them and slapped my 2 year old on head and banged the door shut, I heard the bang and ran from kitchen to see what had happened, 2 year old roaring and 8 year old very upset as had never seen grandad like that, she said he hit two year old on head, my dad just left and said he only tapped him, two old very upset holding head, I was upset so just left and went home... my father is 70 and probably not able for the hyperactivity of them but this was unacceptable and I’m very upset but don’t know how to approach it, he has never done this before to grankids but was a tough father at times when we were growing up but has mellowed alot

OP posts:
SezziBaybee · 26/12/2018 23:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

SPR1107 · 26/12/2018 23:57

I would be raging but also inside feeling sad that I would not have to have this horrid conversation with my dad.
You don't want it to turn in to a situation where it feels like eggshells whenever you are all together now.
I feel for you.
Has he contacted you since? I would be saying that no matter the situation, you will not accept anyone smacking/tapping your child to discipline them. And if in future there's an issue, then you are to be called in to deal with it.

Nanny0gg · 27/12/2018 00:01

Of course he shouldn't have done it, but why were the children left to their own devices and to be able to annoy him?

They were shouting, so surely you could all hear what was going on?

GunpowderGelatine · 27/12/2018 00:03

If anyone slapped my 2yo on the head I'd have to use a serious amount of restraint not to knock their teeth down their throat. This is totally unacceptable what a nasty bastard

Cherries101 · 27/12/2018 00:05

Why were the kids left to run amok? 4 kids under 10 running wild would try the patience of a saint let alone a 70 old man who was trying to have a wee. I also suggest you have a firm conversation with your 6 yo’s about how to respect other people’s personal space and that loo time is personal whether the door is shut or locked or not. My 6 y o neice would never, ever follow someone up to the loo like that. Ever.

Original poster
Princesslucky1 · 27/12/2018 00:05

The kids just in other room playing, I didn’t even know he was at the toilet I thought they were just shouting/playing with each other it was only when I heard the door bang I was alarmed!
I can’t have this conversation with him, I know he is upset but will never speak to me about it, we wouldn’t be close that way. It has brought back memories of my childhood which I had buried... he is a good man overall, I’m just sad, I would never lay a finger on a child totally against my beliefs so I’m very hurt my little child was in the firing line he didn’t even do anything wrong

OP posts:
Gina2012 · 27/12/2018 00:07

If you won't talk to your DF about it , then you will have to supervise your children for the whole time they are around your DF, going forward

LoniceraJaponica · 27/12/2018 00:07

I agree with NannyOgg. I don't understand why your father didn't shut the door to the loo though, especially in a house full of visitors.

Singlenotsingle · 27/12/2018 00:09

So there were two 6yo children, one 2yo and an 8 yo all messing about, making a noise and being cheeky when grandad was trying to use the loo? And all totally unsupervised? What were the parents doing? Obviously he was wrong to do it, but i can understand him getting a bit tetchy!

LoniceraJaponica · 27/12/2018 00:10

I would be upset about the head "tap". That was just wrong. I agree with Cherries point about respecting personal space. I brought DD up to do so, and she never followed me to the loo when she was little.

Original poster
Princesslucky1 · 27/12/2018 00:10

Just having a cup of tea with my sister and mum, kids playing on computer, everyone happy then bam, my dad was in good form 15 mins before that! He often leaves door open just lazy I’d say!!

OP posts:
garethsouthgatesmrs · 27/12/2018 00:11

Its perfectly reasonable to leave your DC to play unsupervised at times. Obviously with a 2 year old they would need to be checked regularly. The OP hasnt suggested that they were unsupervised for an extensive length of time.

Cherries101 just because your niece wouldn't do it doesn't mean all other children wouldn't. All children are different and test boundaries in different ways.

Op i would cook down n

Cherries101 · 27/12/2018 00:12

@gareth — dn didn’t just magically learn. She was taught.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 27/12/2018 00:12

sorry presses "post" too soon.

I would cool down for a couple of days and see if he contacts you. I would be fuming too

melj1213 · 27/12/2018 00:12

shouting at him silly things, he came out of toilet and shouted at the 4 of them and slapped my 2 year old on head and banged the door shut, I heard the bang and ran from kitchen to see what had happened

So the kids were shouting, your father shouted but it was only the door being banged shut that alerted you to a problem?

Tbh that sounds like they needed more supervision if shouting wasn't the first sign of something being wrong. My dd and her cousins can get hyper and over excited when together but they all know that shouting is not acceptable indoors and that if they are shouting then someone will come to investigate why.

That doesn't excuse your father's reaction but if he isn't used to so much noise, screaming and shouting it sounds like he just reached the end of his tether and snapped. I know I've snapped and slammed a door before when all I wanted was to go for a wee in peace and had people pestering me the whole time.

I would call your parents and thank them for hosting you for Christmas but say that the day was marred by the whole bathroom incident. Ask for your father's side (now he's calmed down he will hopefully be apologetic and able to explain why he acted how he did) and discuss how you can make sure nothing similar happens again in the future.

Marshmallow91 · 27/12/2018 00:13

This is the time to find your strength and open your mouth.
From what you wrote, it sounds like a similar relationship I have with my father. I doubt I'd ever have been able to control my mouth if anyone did that to my child though.
There are boundaries, and he has overstepped by a mile. Speak now, because the relationship between the two of you is ruined, regardless. Wouldn't you like to look back and know exactly how things ended, rather than years of awkward conversations, your 2yo growing up scared of this man, and you blaming yourself for not being able to face him head on? Flowers

Italiangreyhound · 27/12/2018 00:15

I am afraid after this I would only allow my kids to see their grandfather while they were being supervised by me.

Don't listen to the people who will tell you this is your fault for not keeping the kids quiet etc.

If noise was an issue they should have been told to be quiet. If being in the office was an issue they should have been told to leave the office. Hitting a two year old is not acceptable. You know OP you are right to be concerned. I am sorry you can't talk to your dad about this but now you need to ensure he is not in a position to hit your child/ren again.

Sad
garethsouthgatesmrs · 27/12/2018 00:16

cherries but just like with academics some peoole learn more quickly. We can't know from the OPs post what she has taught her DC

GunpowderGelatine · 27/12/2018 00:16

Bloody hell, some of you would have hated being at my annual in laws Boxing Day gathering today - huge family, with ten children aged 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 8, 10, 12 & 13 all playing in a 3 bed house, we even let them be on their own in rooms sometimes . But this is MN so I imagine in other poster's houses their children play ludo in silence and sit reciting Dostoyevsky in their heads (as opposed to Speak Out and pie face being played round ILs today), so normal child's play here is seen as "running amok" 🙄

Italiangreyhound · 27/12/2018 00:20

melj1213

"... if he isn't used to so much noise, screaming and shouting it sounds like he just reached the end of his tether and snapped." What makes you think he isn't used to noise, he has been a grandfather for at least 8 years so presumably he is used to kids.

"I know I've snapped and slammed a door before when all I wanted was to go for a wee in peace and had people pestering me the whole time." I would imagine you would shut and perhaps lock a toilet door if you wanted peace and quiet. And the issue is not really banging the door, it's hitting a two year old on the head!

Cherries101 · 27/12/2018 00:21

@gunpowder — we had twenty kids under 10 here over christmas. I’m Indian so all of my DF’s brothers, their kids, and grandkids were here. Running around being boisterous is normal. Following people to the toilets to shout or take the piss out of them is funnily enough something none of them did presumably because they were raised properly like I’m sure your kids are.

Original poster
Princesslucky1 · 27/12/2018 00:21

There was loads of adults about 10 I think, we were in and out of room like yo-yos kids also in and out playing house and so on... lots of noise in the house over all, I thought he was playing with them til I heard the bang and I was sure someone had just caught fingers in the door, room is beside kitchen where I was having tea so kids were not running around like lunatics but were hyper and cheeky I guess... when they get together... 2 year old was not part of the cheekiness but was prob laughing with the others as any 2 year old would

OP posts:
Original poster
Princesslucky1 · 27/12/2018 00:22

The toilet is beside office they didn’t follow him they could see straight out

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 27/12/2018 00:22

"...the two 6 year old were annoying him and shouting at him silly things..."

Why did he hit the two year old if it was the two six year olds shouting?

It sounds to me like a very, very irrational act. Hitting any child is wrong but there are 4 kids presumably making a noise, and another who is a bit older and a final child who is a lot younger. It's weird and frankly worrying.

mytieisascarf · 27/12/2018 00:33

There is never, ever an excuse or reason to hit a child on the head. A two year old is tiny and even the smallest of taps may have knocked them over and caused a much worse injury. It would also have been emotionally very confusing and upsetting for a toddler to be physically hit and serves absolutely no purpose apart from allowing a grown man to use his physical strength to hurt a child. 70 is not ancient - his age is no excuse (unless he has dementia).

There is nothing a 2 year old could do to deserve being physically abused by an adult. From your description would have been more than capable of coming to you and asking you to sort the kids out.

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