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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Upset over this

41 replies

Princesslucky1 · 26/12/2018 23:52

We went to my mums house for dinner today, My children were having great fun with their cousins, the two 6 years olds can get very hyper and a bit cheeky when together, they were playing in the office along with my 2 year old and 8 year old when my father went to the loo he didn’t close the door and the two 6 year old were annoying him and shouting at him silly things, he came out of toilet and shouted at the 4 of them and slapped my 2 year old on head and banged the door shut, I heard the bang and ran from kitchen to see what had happened, 2 year old roaring and 8 year old very upset as had never seen grandad like that, she said he hit two year old on head, my dad just left and said he only tapped him, two old very upset holding head, I was upset so just left and went home... my father is 70 and probably not able for the hyperactivity of them but this was unacceptable and I’m very upset but don’t know how to approach it, he has never done this before to grankids but was a tough father at times when we were growing up but has mellowed alot

OP posts:

Purplecatshopaholic · 27/12/2018 00:33

Sorry, totally unacceptable in my view, I don't agree with hitting children at all anyway, if they were an adult it would be assault,but because its a child it's ok? WTAF?? - you need to have a serious word with the man

thisisjustdaft · 27/12/2018 00:37

Some very odd replies on here.

No matter the provocation or how annoying the kids were being, he should never have hit a child of 2 around the head.

I sincerely hope that both you and your mother have had serious words with him. I'd have given him the bollocking of his life.

ILoveChristmasLights · 27/12/2018 00:42

That’s really odd.

I disagree with anyone slapping a child on the head, but that aside out of all of them, WHY would you slap the toddler?

Winterberriesonatree · 27/12/2018 00:44

Stay at home next year and tell your parents that your 2 year old is going to be much safer at home.

thighofrelief · 27/12/2018 00:57

I think you need to hear your Dad's side. Was it a slap or a stupid cuff gone wrong. It's odd that he picked the smallest child.

thighofrelief · 27/12/2018 00:58

I mean that stupid kind of hair swipe people sometimes do.

iamthewalrusgoogoogjoob · 27/12/2018 01:18

It doesn't matter how annoying kids are you don't hit them. I can't believe some of the responses on here.

You need to find your voice and make it clear it was unacceptable. I'm afraid I wouldn't be visiting 'd'f again. My mum is in her 70's, she's not some frail old woman unaware of her behaviour.

Frogletmamma · 27/12/2018 01:32

Only ever once hit dd. She was having a tantrum and kicked me. I just lashed out instinctively, caught her wrong and knocked her on the floor. Felt bloody terrible afterwards. Have a word with your dad but try to be understanding. Yes it is wrong but he must have been at the end of his tether

HoHoHolittlepea · 27/12/2018 01:42

You understandably feel very uncomfortable about discussing this with your dad, but you have to address it obviously. Close or not this is about protecting your children. One or two sentences would be fine.
Im guessing hw got the 2 year old as the others moved out of the way quick enough?
Its very strange to me that he decided to use the toilet infront of them...lack of inhibitions/ sudden violence.....bit out there but is he showing any other signs of dementia?

Obviously the children can never be alpne with him again.

ginnybag · 27/12/2018 02:01

I don't care what the kids were doing, a grown man even thinking to hit a toddler is plain wrong.

By all means, get your Dad's side of things and then tell off the older ones if needed, but you need to speak up now.

And, if this did happen, then you need to protect your children and keep them safe. It is, or should be, your first priority.

Loveweekends10 · 27/12/2018 02:02

You don’t say his age but this may be a sign of early stage dementia. If he is acting out of character- think why? - health issue or stress?

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2018 02:11

There are two seperate issues. No it isnt ok that he smacked the toddler and that needs to be addressed.

As does the fact that the 6 year olds where allowed to behave so badly. I refuse to believe that you had no idea what they were doing, and if you didnt have any idea then why the hell is that?! You werent supervising properly and that is on you.

SummerGems · 27/12/2018 02:23

Are you sure he actually slapped the toddler or did he potentially just swipe the top of his head and the dc have overplayed it because you went running?

I’d be reticent to fully believe a six year old who’d just been told off for misbehaving.

And please can we stop the dementia references which always come up on these threads.

Purpleartichoke · 27/12/2018 02:43

There is no excuse for hitting a child. You need to make that clear to him. It doesn’t need to be a long conversation. Just tell him that hitting your children is unacceptable and he will not do it again.

Going forward, you must always keep an eye on your kids when you visit. This will be exhausting, but it is necessary. They should not be with him unsupervised.

kateandme · 27/12/2018 04:13

id phone your parents to thanks them for chrismtas.then"dad can we speak about what happened with the kids.its been bugging me,but your my dad so I need to get this sorted together."
your dad hit or did he swipe and ur kids were just so shocked they did that 2 year old thing of crying out shock.im not saying he lied but if a kid has never had this before anything like this would be a wacking.
if he did it is wrong and you talk to him.you tell him you don't accept any form of this.but do it calmly.some parents are diferent and more acceptable.whether we agree with that or not.so to your dad you just tell him straight.strong.no bullshit.but not emotionalso it doesn't get his heckles up if he disagrees.
or could you talk to your mum.tell her you love the both but you just cant have anyone hitting your child and wont stand for it.but don't know how to borach it with dad without it becoming something horrible between you.

Nonameslob · 27/12/2018 06:52

@summergems And please can we stop the dementia references which always come up on these threads
I don't think you get to tell anyone what they can or cannot refer to on these threads. My DF became agitated by the slightest noise/lots of people being around in the early stages of dementia so why should that not be a consideration for the op if it's something that's never happened before. No one is making a diagnosis, just another point to consider if this was out of character for her father which I assume it was or she wouldn't be taking her children there.

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