As the title says, DBro tells me how I should be parenting my DD, aged 3.
I am a single mother and DD has SN (GDD, possible ASD, as well as a hearing condition and physical issues with her legs).
Due to her hearing problem, I often have to repeat what I have said to DD sometimes 5 times. She’s had 2 operations on her ears, the first worked for 6 months and the second didn’t work at all. We’re on second tier treatment for the condition right now but as she’s so small the doctors are reluctant to put her through a 3rd operation so soon after the previous two. They want to wait 6-12 months to see if the condition improves by itself – the concern is she starts school in September so if it doesn’t improve it will affect her schooling. She knows Makaton and can speak but she struggles with actual hearing and Makaton means she needs to be actually looking at me.
DB says I should expect her to listen after the 1st time and I should be making her listen by punishing her. If she is just ignoring me then I do make her do what I’m asking but it’s obvious when she’s ignoring me rather than she actually can’t hear me.
She also doesn’t walk far due to a leg condition and possibly as her hearing problem means she has balance issues. She walks less than a quarter of a mile and is reliant on a pushchair.
DB says he wouldn’t use a pushchair past the age of 2.5 as she is able to walk. Yes she can walk, yes she appears to look like a normal 3 year old but she physically can’t do it. The few times I’ve tried to walk without her pushchair I end up doing my back in carrying her as she sits on the floor, I’ve waited for her to walk, the record is 45 minutes of her sat on the floor and saying no every time I tried to get her to walk – I don’t know about other parents but I certainly don’t have 45 minutes to waste waiting for her to rest enough to walk another ¼ of a mile when the shop is a miles walk away and I need to get there before it closes. DB says I should just make her walk, and she’s just being naughty not walking.
He also says I put her in Nursery for too long (8am-5pm 2 days, and 8am-3pm 1 day a week), and has told me she doesn’t need a special school away from her friends, she just needs better parenting.
I have to be around him because my mum collects from Nursery for me on the 2 later days and he lives with my mum so sees her those 2 days when I collect her. He is constantly telling me I need a parenting class, or to give DD to her dad (who was violent towards both of us and is allowed 2 supervised a fortnight with her, attends none of her appointments, doesn’t attend parents evening and won’t even rearrange his shifts to look round schools with me – so clearly cares about her) as she is clearly not being well parented.
For context: DDs Nursery describes her as happy and polite sometimes overly polite, she’s shy and takes awhile to warm to new people but they said that once she knows you she’s a delight. She talks at Nursery and can make herself understood. My mum says she’s no trouble at all and loves looking after her, and she’s not a woman to shirt around a subject if she has a problem with you or something to do with you she will tell me.
Brother has a degree in psychology and thinks he knows it all as his specialism is Austism and spectrum disorders.
AIBU? Do I need to consider how I care for her? I love her more than anything and give her everything I can, including recently private SALT as NHS waiting lists in the area are 12 -18 months, she does swimming and dance classes, and loves life. She is a pain at time like all 3 year olds, but I do love her and I do want the best for her.