To think my friend is rude to not come to my party?

[experti]

My partner has managed to get his parents place for new years eve to host a party. This will be an opportunity for me to meet some of his home friends.

My closest friend of many years knows my partner well. This friend has no plans at all on New Years eve and is single, so will spend the night in their flat most likely, alone.

My partner promised them a bedroom for themselves and lifts from the train station. I live near my friend so could travel together (£20 on train- they are well off).

I invited them 2 months ago and they said yes. Then they voiced fears about spending all that time to come for the party and not knowing many people. So I said don’t worry I’ll be there, as will my partner, and some other friends that they’ve met as much as I have.

I was told “I’m undecided, I’m still thinking about it” “Not sure if I want to come”

This friend is usually my go to party friend, so no issue there.

I finally had to text and find if they were coming as number of bedrooms is obviously limited, so we could let others stay over.

AIBU to think they are rude not to come?

Perhaps not rude to not come, but more rude about how they went about telling me they couldn’t come.

I feel a bit offended that they’d rather be alone in a flat than come and have fun, where all drinks and meals would be free.

I'd say no.

Well you do sound really easy going and not intense at all. I can't imagine why they would not want to say a straight no thankyou to you OP

It's not you, she doesn't want to see, it's the other people that she won't know.

If it bothers you THAT much, why don't you spend NYE with her, instead?

As soon as I saw the first two lines of your post, I thought 'but the person you've invited won't know anyone and you will be talking to your partner's friends not her/him'.

Not his/her friends so I can completely see why she/he wouldn't want to go. Can't see why you are offended at all.

I can see why you’re offended. You’ve secured a great party place and looked forward to sharing it with your friend and she treated it as an option and then said no thanks. Doesn’t make you feel too good 😔. My sister hates new year due to not wanting to have a new year without my mum. Don’t take it personally, who knows what is going on for her. Just enjoy yourself x

Do you want your friend there because you won't know anyone apart from your dp?

They are not obligated to go and they don’t want to leave them alone

I’d have declined. I don’t particularly like a house party at NY as people feel quite trapped and if the group is smaller than you expect then it really shows. If it’s really couply then even worse! Different if it’s dinner with really close friends, but I guess I’m quite a lot older than you

It seems like she really tried to tell you that she wasn’t keen, and why, but you wanted her there so much that it didn’t really register what she was doing.

I’d just enjoy your night and then catch up with her in January some time.

YABU to think she is rude.
YABU (and more than a bit odd) to be 'offended'.

However, unlike most MNers it seem, when I was young free and single, I'd have been more than happy to go to a party with only one person I knew. That's exactly how you meet new people, dontchaknow. What's not to like ?

What's not to like ?

Stuck in a house without your own bathroom brought along as your mate's prop to her life.

No, I don't think she's rude.

She will have her reasons for not going.

Rather than being offended, perhaps you should be concerned/sympathetic/friend-like.

I feel a bit offended that they’d rather be alone in a flat than come and have fun, where all drinks and meals would be free

As your friend I would feel very offended if you thought free drinks and meals should automatically mean I couldn't possibly not want to be there. Is she your charity case or something that she would come running for free booze and food?

Try being less self absorbed.

NYE is about the WORST party to go to when you are single.

You have the usual nobody to talk to but, but this time you also have to stand round like a blithering lemon at the stroke of 12 while everyone else is snogging and getting all lovey-dovey-NYE-sentimental.

It's awful. Even when I worked in a pub it was pretty grim having to "celebrate" as an afterthought.

Perhaps also stop acting like Lady Bountiful offering your magnificent kindness to save her too.

NYE can be quite difficult for a lot of people, and everyone comes as best they can. I'll be getting an early night to get through it I think.

Nah I probably wouldn't want to go to this either.
Not knowing many people, having to spend the night away in an unknown house, spending £20 on train etc. Sounds like a faff.
Maybe friend would rather stay in and socialised with you another time :)