Parents treating sister really badly

[user1486250399]

My parents are being terrible to my sister. It's my mum really but my dad isn't blameless as he is going along with it. Excluding her from things and lying because they don't want to be around her severely disabled son basically; when she calmly asked them about it as she was so upset about it she got screamed at, hysterics, lies made up about her and now, the latest is they are trying to turn her daughter against her (unsuccessfully). All she wanted was an apology but instead she has been told pretty much she has to suck it up as they have done so much for her in the past they shouldn't have to apologise.

The truth is mum has always been borderline abusive to her, I'm only just realising the extent of it. Sister is now going NC with them with a heavy heart. She has an amazing DH, three gorgeous adoring kids and a good relationship with me, her sister as well as her in laws. She's sad but OK.

My parents are good to me. They ADORE my son. My dad lives for my son. He doesnt have a great life as he is controlled by my mum but says my son gives him a reason to live. My son adores them back.

I haven't said a word to my parents about the situation although they know I'm V close to my sister. They haven't said anything either. I am so angry about how my sister is being treated and my relationship with them isn't great anyway but I keep quiet in order to facilitate their relationship with my children.

What do I do? Talk to them about how my sister is being treated? My mum won't listen anyway I don't think. She is emotionally very stunted and child-like. Or stay out of it? But isn't that being disloyal to my sister? She doesn't hold my relationship with them against me at all. She's so lovely. I just don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading.

I’d be wary of your son being influenced by them OP, especially your mother who seems to be pretty cruel.

If it were me, I’d say something and to hell with the reaction.

Me and my sister have backed each other up on many different occasions and as a result have a better relationship with our mum who we could have easily gone NC with.
Our dbro and his kids have always been the golden ones. It's took years of me and dsis calling her out as mum is very childlike too, but is definitely slightly levelling up to the point that a few days ago I was praised by my mum possibly for the first time ever and in front of my dbro and his family. Massive result for me that I never thought I would ever hear.
Stand up to your parents.

I would speak to your Dad alone. Say that you are not going to tolerate the situation but appreciate he is in a difficult position. Offer to help him leave and make it clear he will have yours and your sister's support to leave and access to all his grandkids if he does. Perhaps he is scared of your mother? It certainly doesn't sound like a healthy relationship

I keep quiet in order to facilitate their relationship with my children
So you're also enabling their shitty behaviour and condoning their treatment of her and her son.
Silence is also acceptance.
You have to make your voice heard/take action if you feel otherwise.

But how would my dad cope without seeing my son?
The same way he's coping with not seeing his child!

Your parents are playing favourites between you sisters and also your kids.
Longterm that will come between you and your sister.
Your dad is also very manipulative by saying he 'lives for' your son....it's to manipulate you into keeping quiet and toeing the line with them - as you know the threat of cutting you off is always there if you dare to speak up.
So actually they're abusive towards you too.

Don't allow them to treat you like the Golden Child and don't allow them to use your dc in their manipulations and games.
Dial back on contact with them, your son will get over it.

Your apart of it and that’s just as bad.
Your son needs better role models.