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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this was an inappropriate Xmas gift?

47 replies

stirling · 26/12/2018 17:55

Dp of one year has a 30 Yr old obnoxious, arrogant unfriendly son who lives in Chelsea and doesn't respond to any of my attempts to be friendly/kind. He's polite but that's all. He recently married and needless to say I wasn't invited to the wedding, shame because my kids adore DP and really welcome him into our lives which he is so happy about.

To get to the point, his son's gift was a photo book of him and his scantily dressed girlfriend /wife. In virtually every photograph she's in a dental Floss bikini or up the backside denim shorts. It's hard to actually see beyond her flesh and view the couple's relationship as I believe was the original motive, book is entitled "our story".

I met her for the first time time a few weeks ago, and she's lovely, I just couldn't get beyond the fact that she was wearing a boob tube under her coat in the middle of December. She's Brazilian but I have a very close Brazilian friend who dresses with more decorum.
I think at the root of it lies the fact that I watched my dp scanning her body up and down (I probably did the same when I saw her in a boob tube, just hurts when you watch your OH doing it) and so felt very uncomfortable when I saw the photo book yesterday.
Any thoughts?
Thank you :)

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 26/12/2018 18:22

I think if your dp is ogling other women (much younger) women, the issue is probably not with his son or his partner.

RingThoseChristmasBells · 26/12/2018 18:34

She can wear what she likes. She shouldn't feel objectified by men.
The problem is your sleeze of a dp ogling her when he's her father in law. He should treat her with respect, as a daughter in law, not a sex object. His poor son having a father like him.

RingThoseChristmasBells · 26/12/2018 18:35

Also, if you know one Brazilian woman, you know one Brazilian woman. They're not going to be all the same!

Littlebird88 · 26/12/2018 18:38

v strange post.
id move on and enjoy the relationships you have respect for and get respect back from

Haffdonga · 26/12/2018 18:46

Can you clarify why the gift seemed in appropriate - was it because it includes holiday photos of his dw in a bikini, or because you didn't get invited to the wedding yet still get a photo gift or because your new bf appears to be leering over his son's ds?

Whatever, you sound very judgemental of your dp, your dp's ds and your dp's ds's dw.

I cannot imagine why they didn't invite you to the wedding. Hmm

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/12/2018 18:46

Seems to me that in marrying his dad you seem to think that you married the family.

To top this off you don't seem to like his wife very much.

Its no wonder that he keeps you at arms length.

AimlesslyPurposeful · 26/12/2018 18:47

Most importantly though, we need to know where he lives.

Oh yes, you said. In Chelsea.

Alpacanorange · 26/12/2018 18:54

Being in a relation for 1year with someone doesn’t mean you are in a relationship with their family. People get together, break up and get together with someone else, then breakup blah blah and people get tired of meeting and greeting newbeeies. Furthermore for a wedding, no one wants wedding photos of people that they hardly know. I think your expectations need realigning.

brizzledrizzle · 26/12/2018 18:55

In Chelsea? Does he drive a tractor?

Alpacanorange · 26/12/2018 18:57

She can wear what the hell she likes, if your dp “looks her up and down” it’s his behavior you need address, nobody else’s, it’s like saying she is asking to be gawped at and that is just insulting.

riotlady · 26/12/2018 19:04

Ummm I think the bigger issue here is your partner perving on his sons wife Hmm

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 26/12/2018 19:08

You body shame/clothes shame your partner's DIL and your partner looks at her tits.

You both sound delightful.

recently · 26/12/2018 19:11

I bet they made the album for themselves and then had an offer to get a second copy at a discounted price, hence the rather strange choice of gift!

Girlicorne · 26/12/2018 19:14

I think that's a very.odd choice of gift!!

RyderWhiteSwan · 26/12/2018 19:14

Now have Joni Mitchell's Chelsea Morning in my head.

Hayles88 · 26/12/2018 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MyPoodleisWorthTenofYou · 26/12/2018 19:16

He lives in CHELSEA????

Wow OP, that’s amazing.

Whathappensnext2018 · 26/12/2018 19:17

I’m surprised you would expect to be invited to you’re dp sons wedding after only a year and hadn’t even met the wife.

Notthemessiah · 26/12/2018 19:17

Should he have made a painfully obvious show of averting his eyes?

Notthemessiah · 26/12/2018 19:20

Also, from your detailed description, you seem to have done much more looking than he did. But that's OK presumably?

SoupDragon · 26/12/2018 19:22

I watched my dp scanning her body up and down (I probably did the same when I saw her in a boob tube

They were both "ogling much younger women" "perving at her" and "looking at her tits"

Petalflowers · 26/12/2018 19:23

Was dp ogling the afternoon wife, or just looking at her in surprise.

If the former, he’s a sleazebag. If the latter, then maybe he was surprised at what she was wearing (which you also was).

Slightly strange gift, but that doesn’t seem to be the issue here.

Nothininmenoggin · 26/12/2018 19:25

Have you made this shite up. It's bizarre

sirmione16 · 26/12/2018 19:25

Wait so your sons gift to you and your partner was a photo album of himself and his wife? Hmm if so then I agree it's a very weird choice of gift

iRememberNow · 26/12/2018 19:26

At least you've admitted that at the root of this post is the fact you saw your partner looking her up and down. Tell him you spotted him doing it, and ask him to be more courteous in future.

The other stuff you wrote about the son and his girlfriend is irrelevant here. I hope your relationship with them improves, but no big deal if it doesn't.

She can wear what she likes. She shouldn't feel objectified by men.
She certainly can, and she probably has no problem with being looked at in that way. I wouldn't worry on her behalf.

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