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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that this was an inappropriate Xmas gift?

47 replies

stirling · 26/12/2018 17:55

Dp of one year has a 30 Yr old obnoxious, arrogant unfriendly son who lives in Chelsea and doesn't respond to any of my attempts to be friendly/kind. He's polite but that's all. He recently married and needless to say I wasn't invited to the wedding, shame because my kids adore DP and really welcome him into our lives which he is so happy about.

To get to the point, his son's gift was a photo book of him and his scantily dressed girlfriend /wife. In virtually every photograph she's in a dental Floss bikini or up the backside denim shorts. It's hard to actually see beyond her flesh and view the couple's relationship as I believe was the original motive, book is entitled "our story".

I met her for the first time time a few weeks ago, and she's lovely, I just couldn't get beyond the fact that she was wearing a boob tube under her coat in the middle of December. She's Brazilian but I have a very close Brazilian friend who dresses with more decorum.
I think at the root of it lies the fact that I watched my dp scanning her body up and down (I probably did the same when I saw her in a boob tube, just hurts when you watch your OH doing it) and so felt very uncomfortable when I saw the photo book yesterday.
Any thoughts?
Thank you :)

OP posts:

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 26/12/2018 19:28

I think if your dp is ogling other women (much younger) women, the issue is probably not with his son or his partner.

This. You cannot seriously think it's reasonable to wish women would cover up more to stop your DP ogling them?

I think it's really sad that your DPs behaviour has ruined what's quite a nice Christmas present; and means you're struggling to see the story they were trying to share. For everyone's sake you need to fix that.

WhiteDust · 26/12/2018 19:37

Have you made this shite up. It's bizarre

I think it's lovely that your DP is taking an interest in his future DIL...

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 26/12/2018 19:38

Your oh is an adult surely he has the basic willpower and control to not ogle his sons wife?

Original poster

stirling · 26/12/2018 19:39

OK, I see the general consensus here is that I'm very much in the wrong and I appreciate that being pointed out. I need to reflect on this and my thoughts.
It's sad that this needed to be relayed to me in bitchy undertones, I won't be checking any more messages.

Thank you to those of you who were able to relay the message without any nastiness.

OP posts:

JustHereForThePooStories · 26/12/2018 20:03

girlfriend /wife

She’s his wife.
I can see why you weren’t invited to the wedding.

Your boyfriend is a lecherous pig.

DoneLikeAKipper · 26/12/2018 20:08

Your partner was eyeing up his DiL, and you think she’s the issue? Urgh.

SoupDragon · 26/12/2018 20:17

Your partner was eyeing up his DiL

The OP says she looked at her the same way.

BrendasUmbrella · 26/12/2018 20:24

Was he scanning her body, or also registering the boob tune in December? Different responses really.

I wouldn't worry about the son, it sounds like you won't see him much. Just return basic civility with basic civility. He's 30, he doesn't need a stepmother. Are you concerned about your relationship with his father? If you really think he was ogling his daughter in law you have larger concerns.

TheWiseWomansFear · 26/12/2018 20:29

Don't see what that has to do with the son? Your DP shouldn't ogle and you shouldn't be jealous.
Also, it's wife. Not girlfriend/wife ... how dismissive

BirdieInTheHand · 26/12/2018 20:29

OP this is one of those bizarre MN threads where you get slated for no good reason.

In no circumstances in the world is giving your dad a picture of you and your wife in a string bikini (much less a book of them!) normal gift giving behaviour. Ignore those on this post trying to belittle you into thinking there is.

I'm guessing there is a lot more going on and maybe it'd help if you joined the dots to give posters a clearer picture (I.e. I assume reference to living in Chelsea is to make it clear son isn't skint and therefore shouldn't be short in gift choices?)

Your DPs dil wearing a boob tube in winter is odd and whilst she can wear what she wants it's to be expected that people would raise an eye.

Your DP ogling any women is grim though. Sorry.

masterandmargarita · 26/12/2018 21:07

I'm with you op. strange gift for a son to give to a father.

Cheby · 26/12/2018 21:13

It’s a fucking weird present.

Lovingbenidorm · 26/12/2018 21:16

The main thing that stands out to me is that someone (doesn’t matter who) thought that a good gift to give someone (anyone) would be a book of pictures of himself and his dw(doesn’t matter what they look like)
If I received that as a gift I would be laughing myself silly!
No one gives a shiny shite that he lives in Chelsea
Couldn’t give a fart that his dw is a babe
You give a bloke a picture of an attractive young woman in floss bikini and he’s gonna look!

Belindabauer · 26/12/2018 21:24

Very strange gift.

SomeOtherDay · 26/12/2018 21:34

YANBU, what a bizarre gift

cakedup · 26/12/2018 21:43

First of all, what cringey couple makes a book about themselves and then proceeds to give someone else a copy? Even if I did have a fantastic body, I wouldn't a book full of photos of me in next to nothing to give to others, and definitely not my FIL. That's just not respectful. Was he wearing skimpy speedos as well? Or was it just his wife's body he wanted to show off?
Weird weird weird. You're better of out of it. And I think if anyone met anyone wearing a boob tube in this weather they'd look them up and down at least once.

LuluJakey1 · 26/12/2018 21:46

OP, you are not being unreasonable about the gift- it is a strange gift for a man to give his father an album of photos of him with his scantily dressed wife. If DH did this to my FIL I would be furious- not that there are any photos of me dressed like that, I am not one for thongs and boob tubes.
But equally my FIL would be mortified and angry with DH for doing something so inappropriate. He certainly would not sit ogling the photos.
Sounds like your DP and his son have some odd attitudes to women. That is the real issue here.

LuluJakey1 · 26/12/2018 21:48

I don't know why people are being so mean to you.

RebelWitchFace · 26/12/2018 21:57

Because OP's contempt for the son and his wife (not girlfriend/wife) is fairly obvious.
He's obnoxious,unfriendly and arrogant. She doesn't have enough "decorum".
She's annoyed because she wasn't invited to the wedding.
She's implying her OH is perving over the young ,not appropriately dressed, wife.

The gift is a straw man.

FithColumnist · 26/12/2018 22:32

Wait, what? A 30 year old man gave his father for Christmas a photo album featuring himself and his wife primarily in a string bikini? OP, in no way is that at all appropriate. It is fucking weird.

(It would still be weird even if she was wearing a full sodding burka: who gives a photo album of themselves and their partner as a gift?!)

cricketmum84 · 26/12/2018 22:47

Ignoring all the ogling stuff then yes I think it's a weird gift to give.

How up yourself do you need to be to think that an entire book of photos of yourself is an appropriate gift for anyone except yourself or your partner??

mystar · 26/12/2018 23:00

The gift of pictures of her in essentially her underwear is narcissistic but I do think youngsters give no fucks. I’m 39 and I wouldn’t dare have pics like that of me about but it’s now acceptable. I doubt she was trying to be insulting x

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