Not coping with baby crying and moaning.

[Diannah]

My baby is 9 weeks, going on 10. As long as he is awake he's moaning, appears like he's about to cry, or is actually crying. He spends very little time actually happy. He's not got tongue tie, he's potentially got reflux but is on gaviscon, I try a sling but he hates it, I've tried baths, a dummy etc. Nothing works...

I'm struggling and just want to cry. DH at work 12 hours a day and sleeps through the night whilst I feed DS.

Not sure what I'm asking but I'm really struggling. Could cry. Just not coping at all.

How do I get through this bit?

Sounds like the gaviscon isn’t cutting it OP, can they give ranitidine as well? That was the only thing that helped DS2, DS1 and DD responded without ranitidine.

Sorry if you’ve tried this always, but have you propped his cot/Moses basket up at the top so he’s not laid flat? Lying flat is really painful to a child with reflux, and could be why he’s not settling.

Do you get a break ever? Sounds like you’re exhausted and overwhelmed which is totally understandable, I was the same when mine were wee before the reflux was sorted.

It’s really tough isn’t it

Is he getting his tt divided?

The gaviscon may not be working and he might need something stronger. Sounds like he is in pain.

I would try rantidine if he's grumbling instead of crying, gaviscon could be taking the edge of but not fully working

Edge off*

Hi

Sorry you are having such a hard time. It does pass and as bleak as things seem they do change. Hold on to that thought.

In the meantime - are there other family members you could spend time with / go and stay with for a few days so that you can take it in turns to hold your ds?

Also - do you feel well enough to go out for coffee / to shopping centres to help pass the time and distract you - is your ds okay in the buggy / pram?

Do you have friends who also have babies or are there some baby groups you could join for mutual support?

Sorry - lots of questions! I hope you feel more rested and hopeful soon .

Download the wonder weeks app, I really struggled with this when my baby was little but knowing when he would come out of the stormy period helped a lot.

I haven't had a break, since I had him. Not once.

@JiltedJohnsJulie it's tough... he hasn't got tongue tie though.

Diannah then you need one, more than one. You can’t be doing it all on your own, that’s exhausting and also really unfair.

Swaddling, white noise and bouncing with him on a large exercise ball all helped with my grumpy DS2.

Your DH really needs to step up and give you a break though.

@ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn but how? It just seems impossible as he's EBF. I can't share that and he's literally feeding every hour or so.

I've just reached a point where I'm numb and could leave him in a room all day to cry it out and wouldn't feel bad. I wouldn't do this as I am morally intact. But I wouldn't feel bad if I did. That's a horrid thing to admit.

I'm so tired.

Can you express? Is that something you’d be comfortable doing? (Don’t worry if not, it’s just a suggestion)

It’s not awful, I wish more new mums were open about when it gets really tough. Society places these unrealistic and unreasonable expectations on us, and it’s so isolating and exhausting when it feels like everyone else has it right and you’re struggling.

Your DH/DP needs to take turns in the night, even if it’s letting you feed but then doing the winding/nappy change/resettling.

Or taking the baby between feeds so you can nap.

More than anything I want to say I’ve been there, I get it and you’re not awful at all. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture for a reason, and add a high needs baby to that and it’s even harder.

So sorry, I totally misread your post and thought you said he did have tt. Can i ask who checked for you? Only my first was very much like yours and I was told several times it definitely wasn’t tt, only to find out much later it was. Have a read of this and see I found any of the problems sound familiar

If you’re spending the days crying, I think you need to tell your DH exactly how you’re feeling and go to the GP in the morning. It sounds as if you may need some extra support

I would recheck the TT and also go back to the GP.

If you want to continue breastfeeding then I would suggest getting a lactation consultant to come and check all is well. I got one when my son was 6 weeks and feeds went from every hour (feed lasting an hour) to every three hours with the feed lasting about 10 minutes. I started to get some rest and things got better. Be kind to yourself and hope you get some rest soon

OP, I could've written this myself. Have you spoke to your HV or GP about how you feel? You could just be sleep deprived, but you could also have PND. Is that something you've considered? I muddled through for 4 months before completely breaking down with an overwhelming feeling of wanting to put the baby down and just run away. I phoned my GP in tears and she asked me to come in right away. It was the best thing I'd done in 4 months.

Absolutely speak to your DH about your struggles. He could help in the night even if it's just changing the baby and settling him back to sleep when you're done feeding. Or you could try expressing for your DH to bottle feed at night if that's something you'd be okay with. Could DH take a holiday or some leave to help you catch up on sleep and just generally have a break? Is there anyone else that could help out? It's okay to ask for help.

Also try ranitidine for the reflux. Is there any other issues with your baby? My DS had been miserable for 3 months solid until he was diagnosed with CMPA. Now that's under control he's a lot happier and in turn I'm a lot happier.

You're not alone, make sure to reach out to someone in real life before it consumes you.

Ours was a crier until the health visitor realised we were crap at burping.

Now he's 3 and been on meltdown for an hour about not being allowed crisps.

You might also require something stronger than ranitidine. Our DD2 was prescribed ranitidine by the GP but when she started going blue around the mouth the a&e paediatrician prescribed her omeprazole in order to get her reflux under control.

I have two DC.
DC2 was the grouchiest, most miserable arse.
She wouldn't settle with anyone but me. And to do that, she required my boobs.
I did discover that by laying her back in an inch or so of warm water, she would calm right down.
Until I had to take her back out.
We had DV at home, I don't know how much that was a factor. Also my vit D levels during pregnancy were stupidly low.
She's still often extremely grouchy and miserable now, but she's also the most compassionate, loving little thing. She's 7.
I'd look into ranitidine for reflux, getting checked for CMPA, and speaking to the GP as honestly as you have here.
It's not often all the fun and excitement people say it is. Sometimes many of us have to grow into the whole kids and babies thing.
You will be OK, but ask for help.

Could baby have a dairy intolerance? Any other symptoms? Perhaps cut dairy out of your diet (read packets) for two weeks and see if that helps the crying

The first three months are so hard. But it really does get easier

I would return to gp

Oh Diannah I totally sympathise..... my eldest was like this and literally screamed for the first five months of life non stop and I mean literally (I remember midwives took baby off me to try settle in hospital and I heard him screaming up and down the corridor and even they couldn’t settle him) I was at my wits end, I wasn’t sleeping, eating, after back and forth to GP and paediatrician we finally got a diagnoses of reflux and cows milk allergy, gaviscon did nothing but constipate LO, ranitidine helped but still not enough but omeprazole was a god send, that and a diary free formula changed our lives. I promise it does get better and the constant crying does end!! Put it this way, last year I had my second child which I never thought I would as I can honestly say the first few months of eldests life was bloody dark days for me. I never wanted to run away from my life so much. Go back to GP and prepare to stamp your feet until you get given something else to help x

My son cried for the first 17 mths of life. Constantly. Then one day he stopped - I remember it as I loved the day. It was a sunny day in March. I took him to Asda and bought his some lovely bright blue all in one outfits. He wore them and was even happier. During that time I hunted for the reason - he had reflux and a tongue tie. He also fed every hour and could only manage short breast feeds. He got his tongue tie snipped and things were a little better but not lots. He would even cry when I held him, cuddled him, lay next to him. Some babies do cry lots, he struggled with sensory issues - the feel of his clothes, noise, the taste of food. One thing that helped sleep wise - I knew he like pillows and being tilted up but I didn't want to cause danger. I lifted one end of his cot up a bit at the end then under his bottom sheet I put a thin 2 inch pillow. Throughout his early years he seemed to constantly seem unsettled but until they can talk it is guess work - he did end up with a diagnosis at the age of 7. Now before anybody gives me a telling off about me revealing this to a tired vulnerable mum, if somebody had said to me when my son was 5 months "When he is 7 he will get a diagnosis that will explain it all to you" I think I would have been extremely relieved. This may or may not happen to OP - the baby may simply be grumpy and miserable. I do wish myself that I had relaxed a little, followed the baby's requests more and paid for help - cleaning wise. 5 months is also a funny age - they start to get hungrier and grizzle. The weather is crap - it is much happier in Spring. Ensure that you are well OP - floradix iron, effervescent vitamin c, no fad diets, plenty of energy dense foods, walks outside. You might not stop baby from crying but if you feel better while he cries this is more copeable! Please keep talking to us - I can so identify with what you are saying - my son was my second of 4 children - the others didn't do this - it wasn't me who caused it and it likely isn't you! My son is still grumpy lol but I love him to bits and ironically he is now my easiest child out of the 4!! And he has a fab dry sense of humour. And so clever and kind.

Sorry I thought you said he was 5 months not 9 weeks. Xx

You need a break. Everyone needs a break. Even people with 'easy' babies need a break. It is soul destroying dealing with a constantly unsettled baby. Is there someone who can help while DP is at work? Even just for an hour or 2? You are only human and it doesn't matter how morally intact you are, everyone has their breaking point - don't let it get to that point before getting help.

It won't last forever. Savour the happy moments you do get with him and use them to get you through the tough times. The happy periods will increase and the unsettled times will decrease and this will all be a distant memory at one point.