Not coping with baby crying and moaning.

[Diannah]

My baby is 9 weeks, going on 10. As long as he is awake he's moaning, appears like he's about to cry, or is actually crying. He spends very little time actually happy. He's not got tongue tie, he's potentially got reflux but is on gaviscon, I try a sling but he hates it, I've tried baths, a dummy etc. Nothing works...

I'm struggling and just want to cry. DH at work 12 hours a day and sleeps through the night whilst I feed DS.

Not sure what I'm asking but I'm really struggling. Could cry. Just not coping at all.

How do I get through this bit?

Also - break wise: I breastfed but was terrible at getting back to sleep. My husband is great at getting back to sleep. So when my children woke at night dh would go to pick up ds, I would feed him, then when ds was finished dh would put him back in the cot. Just these 2 actions helped loads as I stayed half asleep while feeding ds and it meant that I felt as if I had a more decent sleep. Dh was working the next day but I had to be 'with it' as I was obvs looking after a baby the next day. Hopefully your dh can look after your baby on his days off or in the evenings between feeds - you can get a nap / shower, have time away for a bit.

Could your baby possibly have an allergy? Symptoms aren't always obviously but can make babies miserable.

Is there anyone that could pop over during the day to keep hold of the baby in between feeds so you can snooze in between feeds?

The only thing that worked for our DD was one of those battery powered baby swings. Literally she cried constantly. I had bad PND and ended up walking 3 miles at 8am in the morning to Asda and somehow carrying the box back rested across the pushchair because all I had in my mind was I need peace and quiet and I cannot face another day of crying. First time she went in it, she was out like a light. It was our godsend and went everywhere with us, even on holiday. She was same age as your LO when we got it and I swear it was a lifesaver just to have her in it and not whining. It's hard OP, and it doesn't matter how many people say to you it gets better when all you can see is grey day after grey day. So sorry you feel like this xx

My youngest DS cried non stop for about the first year and a half of his life. We were utterly miserable. When he could articulate his needs he stopped. Now he is very bossy but very very lovely. I think he just hated being a baby because he had no control. Anyway, yes it is terrible and I found it difficult to bond with him but like everything it will pass. I do think your husband needs to let you have a night off though as sleep deprivation is total torture.

It can be so hard. Lifesavers for me were dummies (I honestly believe some babies need them) and a vibrating bouncy chair. My youngest has a dietary intolerance that only came to light when he was older. I'm fairly sure his miserable first 6 months were due to me eating the thing he's intolerant to and then BF him. I wish I had known when he was a baby it would have made such a difference, we thought he had reflux as my eldest did. It might be worth trying excluding things from your diet (one at a time, dairy or gluten being good starting points) to see if any of them make a difference.

Any other symptoms? What are the poo nappies like? Only asking as mine have all had various degrees of cow's milk protein intolerances and soya intolerances - I had to cut both dairy and soya out of my diet. Saw dramatic results within 3 days each time though and huge improvement within 3 weeks.
My 3 had - one had rashes and green frothy poo and colic. One had awful eczema and reflux, one just had reflux and blotches and relentless crying.

Is he getting enough milk? My ds had a tongue tie and I had to stop breastfeeding as he couldn't latch properly.
If not then maybe dairy intolerant a sign is green poo

My ds1 was the most miserable newborn I’ve ever seen. He screamed his head off whenever he was awake until he was 10 weeks old. It was hell. It nearly broke me. Then at 10 weeks he got a bit better, then at 12 weeks he was the happiest, sunniest little boy and has remained that way, and is now 19 months. Hang in there. Newborns are really hard. We tried cranial osteopathy as he had a stiff neck from his forceps delivery. I think it helped as he was a bit happier once his neck was fixed. Might be worth a try?

OP, who told you he didn't have tongue tie? Three separate midwives/HVs told me DD2 didn't but kind posters on here suggested I get her properly checked out. I found someone on the ATP website who confirmed she did and had it corrected: www.tongue-tie.org.uk/Mobile/m-tongue-tie-important-information-for-parents.html
I can recommend someone if you are in Warwickshire.

Also consider cranial osteopathy. It didn't 'solve' DD2s issues but did make her a happier baby and a much better feeder.

I was you at 10 weeks, OP. DD2 was constantly unhappy or crying and she fed all the time. She barely slept in the day. I was on my knees and I didn't know what to do. In the end someone suggested I get a maternity nurse in, which is what I did. But they are very expensive (£1000 a week for live-in 5 days - I had to borrow the money off my parents). She explained DD2, despite having her tongue tie corrected, was still feeding really inefficiently. I'd already seen a lactation consultant so I knew that was the case but had been instructed on how to try to make it better. It wasn't working. The MN said that the inefficient feeding meant she was taking in lots of air and it was making her really windy so she was constantly in pain. We literally had to spend pretty much every waking moment winding her. We used gripe water. Eventually we moved to a bottle and then to formula only. Each change made things a bit better.

It may be that none of these things are relevant for your situation, OP, but I would definitely recommend seeing a lactation consultant, tongue tie practitioner and cranial osteopathist.

Have you spoken to your HV or GP about how you’re feeling? I’m concerned you may slide into PND if this continues. Do you have family or friends nearby who could take him even for an hour? What does your husband do at weekends? Can you express and have DH give him a bottle once or twice a day?

Echoing previous posters recommendations to push for ranitidine and possibly for a paediatrician referral for an assessment for Cows MIlk Protein Allergy. DS was like this and honestly I could have cheerfully left him out for the dustmen on some days, but he really improved once he was on a milk free formula and ranitidine.

I think it’s important to state firmly to you that you’re not a bad mum or a bad person for feeling as you do. It’s entirely reasonable to be struggling when you have a baby who won’t settle when you’re sleep deprived. Be gentle to yourself.

And OP, it is so hard. But I promise you faithfully it will get better.

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. It does improve. My third was unsettled after every feed as she would vomit, I was told it was reflux. Thought it may have been an allergy so as baby was ebf, I stopped eating egg but no difference so started to eat egg and stopped taking dairy but again no different. Then at 6 months when she was being weaned we discovered she was allergic to egg and milk, once I stopped consuming both she stopped being sick. So it may not be reflux it may be an allergy to food you are consuming. By the way my little one grew out of the allergies when she was three. Speak to your health visitor and seek advice from the children centres, as they will support you through this difficult time. It will pass. Take.it easy on yourself as you are doing great xx

My baby was pretty miserable for the first twelve weeks. Got better with time. I FF so had it easier as DH could give a bottle - I know that if I was EBF and he wasn't helping with settling her at night I would have spiralled in to PND.

Can you express and have him at least do one bottle a night? And if you can't do that, can you at least get him to help settle him?

Another voice saying try giving up dairy. My dd2 was as you describe and I didn't know how to cope with a baby who never had a feed and went to sleep without extensive grumbling, whining, screaming etc etc. Tried ranitidine and Gaviscon but needed neither after I gave up dairy. It is hard, but not nearly so hard as the alternative. Good luck op.

OP there’s a charity called crysis who may be able to offer you support. X

Mine cried constantly for the first 4 months and would feed hourly. It was CMPA, the dairy I ate gave him bellyache, so he fed for comfort, which resulted in more pain and more feeding and so it went on. I cut out dairy and life went from unmanageable to bearable within three days.
A dummy is also worth trying if they just want to comfort suck.
Tesco has the best range of dairy free.
Good luck x

It sounds very like my dairy allergy dd. It was hideous till we got a provisional diagnosis and I cut out dairy and got hypoallergenic formula on prescription as I mix fed.
I have no experience of what it is like to have a newborn/ tiny baby that doesn’t scream and actually sleeps, but getting that cmpa diagnosis was life changing ( and she pretty much outgrew the allergy by 18m.)
Do look into it - ask for a dietitian referral from your hv and do NOT let them tell you that “all babies cry.”
They all do cry - but not constantly like that, I promise, and there ARE people who can help you, but you might have to make a pest of yourself first. Do it for your own sanity, please, and in the meantime, unmumsnetty hugs and sympathy.

Sorry to hear this, it's really not a nice thing to go through. Without going through all the responses, have you tried baby massage? It worked wonders for Sisinlaw and so I did it on my baby, just via learning from YouTube and it really helped. I hope things improve for you soon

I ditto @deeplybaffled - my daughter was a different baby once we switched her to dairy-free.

U could try adjusting your diet is going dairy free to see if that helps but definitely speak to someone

Has he got a soother?

Our baby was only really happy in his electric swing. Hope the next baby likes it too! 🤞🏻

Gaviscon was rubbish for my LO, we got carobel (order at the pharmacy) and it worked straight away.
Sorry to hear you’re having such a rubbish time. Things will get better.

My ds was like this for the first few months. Wrapping up and taking him out in the pram for long walks saved my sanity. He still cried pretty much constantly when awake but it was much easier to deal with when it wasn’t echoing round 4 walls and I think the exercise and fresh air really helped my mental and physical health.