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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child giving expensive gift

52 replies

twentytimes · 26/12/2018 15:08

DSD(10) got a necklace earlier this year which her friend really loved and had asked for the same one for christmas, they have both been really excited about having matching ones.

Her friend didn't get the necklace and DSD has asked if she can buy her friend the necklace which costs £125 for her birthday in a few weeks. She can afford to do this if she wants but I think it's too much for a child to spend on a present and it will be awkward for the friend and her parents as they either couldn't afford to buy it themselves or didn't want their dd to have it.

Do other parents agree it would be unreasonable for a child to buy such an expensive gift for a friend?

OP posts:
Marg0tt · 26/12/2018 15:47

edthebear I don’t think adult customs really come into this. Lots of 10 year old girls like to ‘match’ with their friends but in my opinion it’s much more suitable for these girls to match with a necklace from Claire’s accessories or something similar. I’d be very embarrassed if dd received such an expensive present and if i could afford a £125 necklace for my 10 year old, it still wouldn’t be bought just because I personally think it’s ridiculous

Puggles123 · 26/12/2018 15:49

Woah yes! Vouchers would be better so they can go shopping and choose necklaces together, maybe from Claire’s or somewhere.

EdtheBear · 26/12/2018 15:56

Margott but it depends if that's what the parents feel and are trying to teach. They might not want to buy it because of the copying thing.
How do we know they haven't offered a similar necklace and the friend said "No I want exactly the same" expensive jewellary should be purchased because you love it, not because a friend has it.

They maybe would have considered it if it was £10 from Claire's and if the girls fall out its no big issue but I wouldn't buy a necklace at that price to copy a friend.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/12/2018 15:59

I would be mortified if my dd (10) was bought such an expensive gift. It sets a very dangerous precedent. Get your dsd to choose a similar necklace from Claire’s as has been suggested and buy two.

neveradullmoment99 · 26/12/2018 16:00

You can get necklaces with two halves. You dd can keep one and she gives the other half to her friend.
They cost very little.
I feel sorry for the girl who didn't get it for her Christmas. She must have been very disappointed since they had been chatting about it. Its is really expensive though but as a gift from a parent to child for a birthday or Christmas its ok. From a 10 year old friend, no.

mirialis · 26/12/2018 16:03

I suggest matching nice bracelets with a talk with dd/dh first about max acceptable price (and why) rather than second-best necklaces from Claire's.

OyOy · 26/12/2018 16:06

To your DSD's Dad

Yes far too expensive - to the point it's manipulative, I wouldn't be comfortable if a friend spent that much on me!

Also you have no idea why the necklace wasn't bought at Christmas - it may be far too expensive/out of budget/they may feel it's age inappropriate, it may be that the family don't think it's appropriate for many many reasons.

I can think of many more reasons where to buy it would be a real snub, and not one scenario where a healthy outcome would be likely.

Give your DD a £10 Claire's voucher and her friend the same and they can chose matching necklaces together

Tabbytwitchet · 26/12/2018 16:06

What about some really nice engraved/personalised friendship bracelets or something similar? You could get really decent ones for a fraction of that price, and it's something for dsd too then, plus more meaningful than an expensive necklace they think is really great at the moment, but in 2 years will be "uncool" and a lot of money spent for something materialistic and unnecessary at their age. A friendship bracelet would probably be kept for ages (not worn but kept) I still have one in my jewelry box from my childhood. Or a nice charm bracelet/necklace could be an alternative? And then others can add to it without having to spend a fortune. X

Pinknike · 26/12/2018 16:06

Yanbu.

I suggest your dsd buys two cheaper matching necklaces.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/12/2018 16:06

YANBU - it's far too much money for a child to spend on her friend. Imagine the parents' embarrassment when they work out how much it cost! Imagine the sense of obligation they would have over it! (OK, I'm projecting my own feelings here).

If they'd wanted her to have an expensive piece of jewellery like that, they would have bought it for her. They didn't - that tells you all you need to know about their feelings re. the necklace, and it would be highly inappropriate for your DD to override that.

neveradullmoment99 · 26/12/2018 16:06

BFF necklace

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/12/2018 16:09

Look up "infinity bracelets" - she could buy her friend and herself one of those, for considerably less money - better choice by far, and they'd have matching ones. (My links are all for Australian ones so better if you look it up yourself)

SirVixofVixHall · 26/12/2018 16:16

That is an insane amount of money for a ten year old. That is what I spend on my oldest friend and we are in our fifties. I would be horrified if a friend bought my dd something that expensive , as i would then feel pressure to spend the same. I think your dsd simply doesn’t realise how much money that actually is, because she is only ten. It is meaningless figure to her, she has enough money so she can buy it, is probably her logic. You need to explain how expensive that is, and suggest a much more reasonable sum. My 11 year old spends fifteen to twenty pounds on her closest friend for her birthday, for instance.

Aridane · 26/12/2018 16:18

.is there one on eBay?

SummerStrong · 26/12/2018 16:26

Yes, it's too expensive, and would be inappropriate.

Perhaps her parents don't want her to have expensive jewellery? Maybe they can't afford it and would be embarrassed by such an extravagant gift.

Your SD sounds very thoughtful and generous, but you need to gently talk her down from this idea.

Cachailleacha · 26/12/2018 16:30

A set of BFF necklaces like a PP linked to is appropriate for that age. A £125 necklace is more appropriate for a parent or grandparent to give a child for their sixteenth birthday, not for a ten year old to give to a friend. I would not want my child having jewellery that expensive at ten.

kateandme · 26/12/2018 16:40

yes.and I think at 10 you could explain these reasons to her.

pasturesgreen · 26/12/2018 16:42

That amount of money would be perfectly appropriate spent by a relative or godparent for a special occasion. As it is, the parents of your DSD's friend chose not to buy her the necklace for Christmas, and that's it. They may have thought it was inappropriate for such a young child, or they may not have been able to afford it or whatever. Overriding their decision is bound to cause embarrassment for all concerned, not to mention the potential for manipulation that PPs have highlighted.

I would also steer clear of vouchers for the same jewellery shop. You give a - say - £20 voucher, great. Then what happens when friend's parents refuse to supplement that amount and provide the additional £105? Again, disappointment all round and a wasted £20. Claires is the way to go here.

kateandme · 26/12/2018 16:43

but let your dsd know how lovely a thought it is.but it can be a lovely thought for something much cheaper!for her im guessing she doesn't understand or isn't even thinking of the money but the gift of giving this matching necklace for her friend so explaining that might help

TokyoSushi · 26/12/2018 16:49

Agree with pp's, 2 cheaper matching necklaces is the way to go.

bridgetreilly · 26/12/2018 16:51

It's not just the money (though that is inappropriate too). If she asked for it for Christmas and didn't get it, there may be another reason her parents didn't want her to have it which I think should be respected.

BlancheM · 26/12/2018 17:05

My DD wanted a 'grown up' necklace so I got her a Swarovski cheap-expensive-looking one from Warren James. It had been lost by new year. So no I wouldn't spend that much on her for Christmas, let alone accept one from a friend.

Having said that, I don't agree with PPs suggesting a cheap 'best friends' matching necklace set either. If the friend has been coveting the expensive item, receiving a tacky alternative from DSD is going to be a bit of a blow. Money or vouchers is the way forward then she can club all her money together and spend it on the necklace if her parents allow it.

Serin · 26/12/2018 17:13

Cant believe you are even considering doing this.
It could look like your DD is trying to buy friendship, it also sets a precedent, what on earth is the other child expected to give your DD when it's her birthday?

BigFatBloomers · 26/12/2018 17:35

A friend got our DDs (who are best friends) these Tatty Devine name necklaces. They were both delighted. Much more appropriate.

Missingstreetlife · 26/12/2018 17:48

Yeah that's great so all the local teenage jokers will know their names, and a head start for paedophiles

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