Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Almost 7 year old worst loser

72 replies

Ansumpasty · 26/12/2018 12:42

AIBU to have come out of my son’s room thinking ‘yuck’

Some alone time with my almost 7yo son while the others are out. Thought we’d get out some new games he got for Christmas.

Every time he loses, he literally storms off saying he hates the game or even starts to cry and say he’s never playing it again.

How do I stop this repulsive behaviour (besides letting him win every time, which can’t be good) or is he destined to be one of those awful people who swipe the counters from the board game when they lose!?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 26/12/2018 14:17

The language you're using is not good considering his age. He's 7! I hope you're not using it to his face... It sounds as if you don't like him very much or don't spend a lot of time with him.

My youngest has always been a table flipper but at nearly 12 he's getting much better. It's definitely an age thing.

Tell him we'll put the games away and get them out again on a rainy day. He can't learn if you avoid it. Do something else with him.

littlemeitslyn · 26/12/2018 14:22

My son still goes ballistic and he's nearly 50 !!!

WhiteDust · 26/12/2018 14:28

His behaviour sounds awful OP. The suggestion to have two prizes - winner & best loser is brilliant! 

EstuaryBird · 26/12/2018 14:45

Don’t worry about it OP. I’m a Cub leader, a troop of 18 ages 7-10. I see it every week - the sulks, the tears, the tantrums - and some take longer than others to get over it.

To me as an adult it seems like ridiculous behaviour but the other Cubs are not phased by it at all because it’s pretty normal for their age group.

I do think though that ‘learning to lose’ happens later in life now. I remember these tantrums happening in Nursery of first year or two of Primary. I think that ‘sometimes you win, sometimes you lose’ is a better lesson than ‘everybody wins, nobody loses’........but i’m an old reactionary Grin

Dragonbait · 26/12/2018 14:46

Got to chuckle. My in laws who love playing games announced they were never going to let their grandchildren win games so that they wouldn't throw tantrums. Sometimes this seemed really harsh when watching a 5 year old loose for the fifth time but I kept quiet. A few years later on holiday with in laws and my MIL lost a game and threw a deck of cards accross the table and stormed off! Seems it was never about teaching the kids to lose but indulging her need to win! So keep trying and don't assume they'll grow out of it without guidance!!

Original poster
Ansumpasty · 26/12/2018 14:49

@gamerchick

The language you're using is not good considering his age. He's 7! I hope you're not using it to his face... It sounds as if you don't like him very much or don't spend a lot of time with him.

Are you serious? I called his behaviour repulsive on an adult internet site. Not that I need to justify it, but he kicked his new game and cried and said he didn’t want it. This game was on his Xmas list.

How on earth did you fathom that I don’t like my own child or spend much time with him because I said to other adults on a forum that his behaviour was repulsive. Jesus wept, some people Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Ansumpasty · 26/12/2018 14:54

Thank you for the other suggestions! I’d like to think he doesn’t act like that in school or with friends as he’s polite and lovely to play with when it’s other types of games.

I’m glad I didn’t get him kerplunk otherwise I’d have been picking up marbles and straws for ages Wink

OP posts:
TeenTimesTwo · 26/12/2018 14:54

Have you tried games where even if you lose it's fun? e.g. Pop up Pirate?

Otherwise, short games without lots of time and emotional energy invested.

XmasPostmanBos · 26/12/2018 14:55

Consider your own OTT reaction to his behaviour and you might see where he gets his dramatic flair.

Original poster
Ansumpasty · 26/12/2018 14:56

Dragonbait Hahaha, I’ve been men act like that growing up. Funny to watch as long as it’s not your husband or son Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Ansumpasty · 26/12/2018 14:57

@XmasPostmanBos

Haha, hungover or just a bit of a grumpy Grinch?

OP posts:
ChestOfFields · 26/12/2018 14:57

My DD has always been a sore loser, still is, and she is 33!

I have refused to play any games with her for many years!

Cherries101 · 26/12/2018 14:57

DN went through this phase when she was 4 and I found playing more boardgames more regularly really helped the nastiness.

Sethis · 26/12/2018 14:58

I was a terrible loser when I was his age. Certainly had tears, not kicking the game or raging.

We simply stopped playing games for a while, came back to it later. As others have said team vs team games or collaborative games might be better til he matures.

CantstandmLMs · 26/12/2018 15:02

He sounds like me. I am such a sore loser and do wonder where it came from. I mostly played games on my own when I was younger so maybe that. This completely irrational anger comes over me when I lose or am losing. I'm 32 🤦🏻‍♀️

cucumbergin · 26/12/2018 15:03

DS is 6 and also a poor loser. We got some collaborative games this Christmas which has been great - he can get used to behaving well/having fun with board games and start learning that winning together is fun. Time will tell how well this translates to competitive games though, but it's nice to play games together w/o arguments.

I love the best loser idea!

Frogscotch7 · 26/12/2018 15:09

Op my son was a terrible loser at the same age. He freely admitted it. We used to let him win 3 games out of 4. I also would preface a game with “ill only play this with you if you don’t mind losing” so he was preparing himself to lose. Anyway we’ve had the most amazing few months with him (he’s 9 now) - has shows himself to be a really gracious loser in a number of situations and I never ever thought I’d say that about him. Give it time, be patient and model some “losing” phrases for him to use. Things like “you win some you lose some”. Good luck.

BirdieInTheHand · 26/12/2018 15:09

@BirdieInTheHand Oh dear, some people hmm

Proving my point nicely with this response and numerous others Grin

Allthewaves · 26/12/2018 15:10

It's a social skill. If you Google asd and bad loser there's some great ideas that work well with kids who don't have asd.

Perhaps rewarding him with some extra iPad time or tv time etc when be loses but doesn't get all humpy.

animatebehavior.com/autism/7-tips-to-help-your-child-with-autism-deal-with-losing

Cantusethatname · 26/12/2018 15:15

Can you get a few older kids that he looks up to (cousins etc) to demonstrate that you can't always win and have to be a good loser?

MeganBacon · 26/12/2018 15:17

Let him play with people who will mercilessly beat him and leave him to sort it out. My ds was like this until he started playing computer games with his cousins who do beat him mercilessly and now he's just had to learn that he's not the best at everything. Part of the response will be to pluck your heartstrings. The men in my family are all horribly competitive so they are best to teach him this, not me.
He still hates losing but has learned not to cry about it.

Witchend · 26/12/2018 15:22

7yo is typical for this.

I handled it by, not playing for too long, and if I'd had a spate of winning, let them win one and model a good loser. Or do an exaggerated "it's not fair" and make them laugh. That works surprisingly well.

Don't do the easy way out of letting him win all the time, or never playing or he won't learn.
Sometimes it's easier to be one of 4 losers with one winner too, than be the only loser.

And watch your behaviour. If you always have an excuse why you didn't get the job/win the raffle/be first in something, then he'll pick up on it. One of dh's relatives is awful for that. Everything is always someone else's fault and he should have won/got it etc. I notice it in their dc now, they have to be first or they've got a range of excuses why they should have been.

Nevth · 26/12/2018 15:22

I was incredibly competitive when I was younger (actually quite destructive looking back!) and I would have a similar reaction to your son.

My parents dealt with it by keeping marks for the best loser (as per PP - it helped that my dad was also a poor loser so not just me Grin ). When I got older, my parents channeled it quite successfully into competing with myself rather than others - both in school and in sports etc (to be better than last time). That way, if I lost, it never impacted anyone else.

I've continued down that line and although I am competitive in my (stressful, high-pressure) job, outside of that I can now play any sport, Monopoly (my old nemesis) etc and laugh losses off - I just genuinely don't care as it's just a game.

ErrorNoBrainDetected · 26/12/2018 15:53

Ansumpasty

Doesn't get any better, 😃😂 I've got a 10 year old who's a sore loser at everything.

Weightsandmeasures · 26/12/2018 15:59

Hahaha! Typical 7 year old behaviour. My son is the same and slowly getting better. It's good to encourage the competitive side but help him to channel his energy towards doing better next time and improving. Help him to compete against himself, if you see what I mean. Sports is good for helping kids to learn to lose gracefully and to Puck themselves up again and keep trying.