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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My DH laughs when I get hurt

33 replies

kennelmaid · 26/12/2018 11:07

Think "You've Been Framed" kind of thing. Yesterday one of our dogs caught my lip with his claw, enough to cause a mark and my DH started laughing. I was mad (with him, not the dog) and told him to f@ck off, which made him laugh even more! This is his usual reaction when I hurt myself, he finds it funny. If he ever gets hurt I sympathise and try to help. Once he was "pretending" to push me into a ditch and I was pushing back so hard that when he let go I fell over and bruised my arm so badly I thought I'd broken it. He thought this was hilarious and when I told my DS (20) about it he said that he would have found it funny as well! AIBU that I feel upset and uncared for?

OP posts:

chestylarue52 · 26/12/2018 11:42

That's awful bullying behaviour. Point and laugh. I feel angry and aggrieved on your behalf. I don't know what you can do about it though.

Fairylea · 26/12/2018 11:43

That’s awful.

I don’t think I could be with someone who did that to me. It’s just bullying.

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/12/2018 11:43

Bullying and a lack of empathy so grotesque I’d assume there was something wrong with him mentally.

How can you share your life with someone like that.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 26/12/2018 11:46

Me and dp would laugh at each other when we hurt ourselves. But then I would laugh at myself as he would himself too. If it is serious or the other person is actually really hurt, the laughter stops until sorted but then back to laughing.

ButteryParsnips · 26/12/2018 11:56

So not only does he laugh when you get hurt, he tries to hurt you but calls it 'pretending'? Because that wasn't pretending, he actually pushed you into a ditch and hurt you!

I wouldn't want to be with someone who did that. How long have you been together?

Juxtapose · 26/12/2018 11:57

This is exactly what my sister and brother are like. They would usually take the piss and then love retelling it to the rest of the family laughing all over again.

The worst was when I had planned a home birth with my first and I ended up in hospital for an emergency so it didn't obviously happen. She then told me that we were all laughing about you but our other sister stopped us from taking the piss because she said I was very upset about the whole birth etc.

Basically my point is they are bullies. I keep my distance. I'm not saying your DH is but that is my experience.

Branleuse · 26/12/2018 12:02

immature

TheWernethWife · 26/12/2018 12:03

Hit the twat over the head with a rolling pin and laugh at him, bastard

Chamomileteaplease · 26/12/2018 12:05

It appears he is either a nasty bully who doesn't like you or he thinks he is 13 years old and you are his 11 year old sister.

So take your pick - malicious or immature?

Have you ever spoken to him about it in calmer times? And do you feel he cares about you the rest of the time?

Cheerbear23 · 26/12/2018 12:06

Good god, so your dog accidentally scratched your face and he laughed? That’s very callous behaviour, and actually very nasty.
I’d be concerned about his mental health too.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 26/12/2018 12:08

I laugh when I hurt myself. I expect those close to me to laugh aswell, I'm not a child who needs petting!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 26/12/2018 12:11

Not a child that needs petting? Weird! I usually see it as I am not an inanimate object, I am the human being DH has chosen to spend his life with and to care about... so a little empathy is appreciated.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 26/12/2018 12:15

I sometimes laugh out of nervousness and I would definitely laugh at accidental and not serious daft accidents. Difference is I would stop if I could see you were actually genuinely hurt or upset and I would NEVER actively try and hurt someone purely to get a laugh.

He sounds like a massive bully that dresses things up a ‘banter’ so he can brush off your very valid feelings.

DaanSaaf · 26/12/2018 12:23

Good god, so your dog accidentally scratched your face and he laughed? That’s very callous behaviour, and actually very nasty.
I’d be concerned about his mental health too.

Is this a joke

Obviously I'm in the minority here because I think the bullying claims are ridiculous. Dh and I laugh at each other getting (not seriously) hurt. I must be weird.

SpikyHedgehogg · 26/12/2018 12:26

This thread has made me realise that this is maybe why I've never got those You've Been Framed programmes. I just don't find someone hurting themselves funny.

Butchyrestingface · 26/12/2018 12:28

If he ever gets hurt I sympathise and try to help.

Why?

If this is what his sense of humour is like, you need to grab your phone, start filming and upload the result to Youtube.

If you do this and he still finds it hilaire, well that is genuinely what his sense of humour is like and you simply have different ideas of what constitutes "funny".

Butchyrestingface · 26/12/2018 12:29

This thread has made me realise that this is maybe why I've never got those You've Been Framed programmes. I just don't find someone hurting themselves funny.

Even as a child I hated that shite. At the time I assumed it was a perfectly normal response to Jeremy Beadle but now I know better...

irnbruforlife · 26/12/2018 12:31

Do and I laugh at each other all the time when we hurt ourselves. Usually followed by a cuddle and a 'are you alright. But laughter definitely comes first. Especially if it involves slipping on ice.

BerylStreep · 26/12/2018 12:35

I hate 'banter' like this. Why get pleasure out of someone else's humiliation or hurt?

OnBail · 26/12/2018 12:42

Me and dp laugh if it is a comical hurting yourself. Once I was pulling a t shirt of a hanger and it wouldn’t come off, I pulled harder and the hanger flew out and hit me in the face! It hurt a bit, dp was laughing and saying “what are you doing you silly sod” and that was fine as it was a silly way to hurt yourself

But if it is a case where you have really hurt yourself then no we don’t laugh, if hurt by the dog then no, trapping a finger etc, or a cut with blood, no.

Just silly accidents that don’t really hurt that get laughed at.

llangennith · 26/12/2018 12:44

Your DH is an unfeeling bully and your son has followed his father's example of how to be uncaring.
Why have you put up with this behaviour for so long OP? What is wrong with you?

ems137 · 26/12/2018 12:45

My DH and I laugh at each other like this. If he could see I was really injured he wouldn't buy a scratch on the face? What did you want, dabbing tenderly with antiseptic lotion and a kiss better?

Branleuse · 26/12/2018 13:28

i dont laugh when people get hurt and feel an almost physical pain when someone hurts themselves, even just watching youve been framed and suchlike, I cant actually bear it.
Saying that, some people find that shit hilarious, hence the popularity of those shows. Its totally common which makes me think that people that laugh at other people hurting themselves just see it as sort of slapstick.
As much as id be pissed off if someone laughed every time i hurt myself, I would just not marry someone with this humour as totally incompatible with me. You dont marry someone who laughs at people hurting themselves and then be all surprised that they find it hilarious when you do too. Certainly dont need the opinions of loads of others to tell him he should not laugh at it. You married him.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 26/12/2018 13:55

No he isnt a bully he just has a different sense of humour.

Original poster

kennelmaid · 26/12/2018 14:14

I'm not a baby, I don't need to be mollycoddled and I can laugh at myself when I do something daft. I don't think he's a bully, but like in my OP when he "accidentally" pushed me over and I hurt my arm, he laughs and doesn't even say sorry or show any concern. It just makes me feel that he doesn't care, or AIBU?

OP posts:

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