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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cancel New Year’s Eve plans at the last minute?

54 replies

whathaveidone814 · 26/12/2018 09:30

Our neighbours invited us to spend New Year’s Eve with them this year with one other couple, who they are good friends with but we have only met once.

We were planning to go out for dinner and dancing at a local restaurant and our neighbours kindly treated DH and I to the £20 deposit.

I then had a text from one of the neighbours on Christmas Eve to say that unfortunately, the other couple have had to drop out due to a bereavement and that it would now be just them and us going out on NYE.

I’m feeling rather anxious about this as we don’t know the neighbours particularly well (they only invited us as a spur of the moment thing after a chat over the fence when we said we had no plans). I thought that as we’d be part of a table of six it would be fine and less pressured, but now we’re facing the prospect of a four-hour sit-down meal plus embarrassing dancing with a couple we don’t even know very well.

I want to text back with an excuse as to why we can’t make it too, but DH says that’s rude and we have to go. All I want is to spend NYE on the sofa with DH and watch crap TV to be honest - especially as I’ve been feeling lousy for the past two days with a bad cold. DH and I are also quite reserved people and not particularly good at making banter/small talk - whereas our neighbours are more outgoing types.

Would it be unreasonable to pull out now (and offer to pay back the deposit of course)? I don’t want to upset the neighbours but I just don’t think I can face it!

OP posts:

ThanosSavedMe · 26/12/2018 10:04

Yes it would be very unreasonable

GreenMeerkat · 26/12/2018 10:07

I know exactly how you feel OP. I have social anxiety and am a true introvert so this is the kind of situation I would dread too.

I fully understand why you agreed to go in the first place as they asked you face to face. I would have agreed too as I'd have felt too awkward to say no.

I think it's a difficult one but I think you probably should go to avoid any awkwardness and animosity from the neighbours. From past experience, I have usually enjoyed things like this once I've actually gone but the thought of going would always fill me with dread, so I do understand

juneau · 26/12/2018 10:09

Can you give them the option of cancelling, if you want, but personally I think you should just suck it up. You agreed to go and let them pay for you, so you should stand by that arrangement. It would be really crap of you to pull out a few days beforehand, just because you're getting cold feet. If you don't know them well enough why the hell did you agree to go in the first place? You have to go now, otherwise you're leaving them with a table for six on NYE and no one to go with, which is just mean and unreasonable. Let it be a lesson to you to not agree to things until you've had time to think about it.

FamilyOfAliens · 26/12/2018 10:09

I would text back 'do you want to take a rain check?

Is the OP in the US?

juneau · 26/12/2018 10:10

Should be 'You can give them the option of cancelling, if you want ...'

AnyOldPrion · 26/12/2018 10:10

Worth trying sackrifice’s suggestion. It might be they would also prefer to cancel. But if they still seem keen, it would be impolite to abandon them.

Popchyk · 26/12/2018 10:10

They've already been let down by the other couple. And they've paid £20 for your deposit.

It is one of those times in life where you have to go. Your DH is right.

In future, just say no at the outset.

Have a few cosy nights in over the next few nights. You might be desperate to get out by New Years Eve. If there is dancing then there will be music, so no need to make conversation all night long anyways. It will be fine.

sackrifice · 26/12/2018 10:13

Is the OP in the US?

Oh sorry. It means 'do you want to do this another time, as clearly you want an out but are not brave enough to be the ones to do it'.

calamitycake · 26/12/2018 10:15

Did your neighbours specifically say that they were treating you to the deposit?

Stormy76 · 26/12/2018 10:17

Sometimes the nights you dread the most turn out to be the most fun, go out and enjoy the evening, get to know them if they are as outgoing as you say they are there won't be any embarrassing silences they will carry the evening.

Dermymc · 26/12/2018 10:19

Go for it and enjoy the evening, you might get 2 new friends.

Bringbackthestrioes · 26/12/2018 10:22

YABVU and you would ruin their NYE.

FamilyOfAliens · 26/12/2018 10:25

Oh sorry. It means 'do you want to do this another time, as clearly you want an out but are not brave enough to be the ones to do it'.

Ah I see. Perfect phrase for this purpose then

Aridane · 26/12/2018 10:30

Don’t be a shit!

BlueJava · 26/12/2018 10:31

YABU sorry! You should go but in future not say yes to stuff you don't want to go to. If you don't go I wouldn't be surprised if they stopped speaking to you and that's going to last far longer than 1 evening of being mildly awkward.

cheminotte · 26/12/2018 10:31

If you prefer smaller groups then 4 is better than 6 imho. More of a chance to get to know them properly rather than 4 hours of small talk. You really can’t pull out at this late stage unless you actually have norovirus or similar.

winsinbin · 26/12/2018 10:32

I would feel awkward too. Could you suggest postponing the dinner until everyone can make it? If you do it now hopefully the restaurant wouldn’t mind you using the deposit for another, quieter night later in the year.

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 26/12/2018 10:36

I would say “I just wanted to check, are you still happy to go ahead wuth the night now XXX have dropped out? Or would you prefer to postpone until there is a date where we can all get together? I just wanted to give you the option, we are fine either way.”
I reckon they will bail 👍👍👍

Capricornandproud · 26/12/2018 10:36

Cancel! Life’s too short for this type of anxiety. Loads of time if you text them back today. Keep it short & sweet and don’t feel the need to over explain x

ilovesooty · 26/12/2018 10:40

Your husband is right. It would be really rude to cancel.

Grumblepants · 26/12/2018 10:41

Is there another couple you could invite to make up the numbers?

Notasunnybunny · 26/12/2018 10:47

Crop rotation’s text is well worded, I would also add you are happy for them to invite other guests in place of the other couple as they may feel this would be rude. Ultimately you are the guests so need to fit around the hosts. Cancelling in this situation would be extremely poor form, flaking is selfish and unkind. You have 364 other nights you can stay home and watch tv when others have not lost money treating you.

Expatworkingmum · 26/12/2018 10:58

I understand your reluctance completely but you should still go and I bet you have a great time.

Tattletale · 26/12/2018 11:00

I think you should go as well. You might have an amazing time and make 2 new friends. What's the worst that will happen? The night will be crap and you all don't do it again. You still have nearly a week to chill and get better.

Chamomileteaplease · 26/12/2018 11:32

I don't see why you cancelling would be so rude and awful. They barely know you and their other friends have cancelled. Maybe they would rather watch TV now too! And if not, then if you cancel today then they have got a few days to find another couple to go with.

OK so they might be sad if you cancel but you will be sad if you don't.

I don't see the big issue. You are giving a few days notice. Text and then you can relax.

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