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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to buy a present from baby

54 replies

eyesbiggerthanstomach · 26/12/2018 06:07

I feel ungrateful even mentioning this but it has upset me.

DS is 11 months old and I made it clear to DH that I would be getting him a card from DS and a little token gift. DH got me a lovely card from DS but no gift from him. I did mention it and he just made excuses. I wasn't expecting anything expensive...I bought him socks that said best daddy ever, that is the kind of gift I was thinking of.

This is a regular thing though, no present from DS on my birthday or Mother's Day.

All I want is a little something that says 'mummy'. A tacky key ring, mug, socks....anything! AIBU and spoilt and ungrateful to feel hurt?

OP posts:
smerlin · 26/12/2018 07:18

Yabu but give it 2-3 years and baby will be able to 'choose' you something (with a steer from DH!) that is actually meaningful!

toomuchtooold · 26/12/2018 07:20

I don't get why it's a thing - you know the gift is from DH, DH bought you a gift, it's not like you're missing out - but if I was talking to your DH I'd be like mate, your wife has asked for this, so just do it.

You have asked him though, haven't you? You haven't just given him gifts from the baby and expected him to infer that you would like one back?

llangennith · 26/12/2018 07:20

YANBU to feel upset. Your DH could have got you a personalised mug with a photo of DS or the word Mummy on it but it didn't occur to him. When you're not quite so upset tell your DH that these things are important to you and that you'd like to receive a nice card from your DS on Mother's Day, your birthday and Christmas from now on.

AnyOldPrion · 26/12/2018 07:21

I think you need to discuss this with your DH.

Perhaps it’s Important to you, but he thinks it’s ridiculous.

He might be willing to buy you a mug with Mum on it, but from him. Would that suffice? Perhaps you could buy your own from DS. It’s not as if DS is actually involved or even old enough to understand.

This never happened in our house. I bought thoughtful presents for my children though (quite little things - they particularly love getting stockings) and this year, my most thoughtful gifts came from them with no prompting whatsoever. They are now in their late teens though. DS will learn from the way you treat him.

PouchofDouglas · 26/12/2018 07:21

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bookishtartlet · 26/12/2018 07:22

Husband and I always buy a gift from our son to the other. It was fathers day two weeks after he was born and I made a daft wee footprint out of salt dough. Now our son is 3, he helps us choose a t shirt or token gift, it's just nice! I would be upset too, and I am really laid back usually.

HopeHopity · 26/12/2018 07:25

Confused is this a thing?
I rather wait until DC is old enough to understand and he freely gives me something. Maybe a piece of bark wrapped up badly . How cute will that moment be OP? 😍

ImogenTubbs · 26/12/2018 07:27

I think you're being a bit precious tbh, OP. If your DH didn't get you any presents at all, you might have a case. I would let this one go.

Onescaredmuma · 26/12/2018 07:47

Not unreasonable to me I got socks for my first mothers day dd was 9 months I think, 5 years on I still wear them! DH didn't get me anything for my first birthday from her because he was too busy when she was 3 months I managed to drag myself out 1 week after a very complicated labour to get him a present from her and me so I was hurt. He ended up picking me up a mug from her I still have it and no one else is allowed to use it it makes me think of the early years of being a mummy everytime I use it. I adore all my babies (now have 3 DCs) but those early years with Dd1 were magical and I love reliving them with a cup of tea now and then. I now have a new cup with photos of me and my girls while I was pregnant with my son all over it it's the best present I've ever gotten use it everyday and adore each memory on it hopefully soon I'll get one with picks of my son too.

Squatternutbosh123 · 26/12/2018 08:22

I got a card and present from my dog, not sure when the little minx snook out to buy it but it was a lovely present

NameChange457 · 26/12/2018 08:31

Yabu re. Christmas. But did you get anything on Mother’s Day? If your dh didn’t give you any acknoedgement on your first Mother’s Day I think that’s pretty crap. (But i’d expect a box of chocs or a bunch of flowers, or a special meal not something tat emblazoned with ‘Mummy’)

GenerationSnowflake · 26/12/2018 08:36

If you told him you were disappointed not to receive a gift for Mother's Day and were expecting a little something, then it's mean of him to ignore it.

It doesn't matter what everyone else think, it would be kind of a partner to do something nice. I am not sure why you expect a mother's day gift from your partner, you are not his mother, but if it's important to you, he should do a token gesture.

you should speak with him!

gerispringer · 26/12/2018 08:38

It it’s not from the baby is it? It’s from the DH. You’re not his mum . Wait a couple of years and you’ll be inundated with paintings and cereal box sculptures that you quietly put in the recycling. Buy your own mummy mug if that’s what you want.

Shitmewithyourrhythmstick · 26/12/2018 08:40

Attributing any meaning or value to mum presents purporting to be from a baby with no understanding of the concept is ridiculous.

However, if in your ridiculousness you had made it clear to DP that this is what you wanted, it was unkind of him to just not do it. He should've bought you the mug/keyring, even just from him if he really couldn't bear indulging in the charade that it was from a baby.

hodgeheg92 · 26/12/2018 08:48

If it's something you've communicated to your DH then YANBU, he's been quite thoughtless. Other posters are using their opinion of such things to say that you are, but it's about what you wanted.

Speak to your DH.

gerispringer · 26/12/2018 08:51

But you could buy your own gift from the baby, no?

CecilyP · 26/12/2018 08:51

AIBU and spoilt and ungrateful to feel hurt?

Not spoilt and ungrateful, but perhaps a little bit silly! Just seems like your DH doesn’t buy into this kind of playacting even if you do. Seems a shame to let this spoil your first Christmas with your baby, especially as he is of an age you can get him something he will enjoy playing with. You have so much to look forward to for the years when your DS can get you a gift of his own choosing, or a card he has made. It honestly means so much more than this kind of pretend stuff.

isitisitwicked · 26/12/2018 08:52

YANBU at all! Totally understand

Sexnotgender · 26/12/2018 08:53

YABU.

rwalker · 26/12/2018 08:53

11 months old pointless. Love it when toddlers wrap it themselves bits of paper and sellotape hanging off it everywhere and the proudly give it you .Thats special not some gift form a baby who is clueless about Christmas .

Rainbunny · 26/12/2018 11:48

Well getting a gift that your DH chose and is pretending to be from your 11 month old baby seems utterly meaningless and fake to me, I'd laugh if my DH expected me to to this.

If you want a present from your DH that honours your motherhood status I could better understand it (still think it's cringeworthy) but at least it's not the pretence that your 11 month old baby somehow had a hand in giving it to you.

WhiteHartLane · 26/12/2018 11:59

I was never given a gift for Christmas or birthday when mine were babies, the thought never occured to me really. However I always received a little thing for Mothers Day (mug, teddy etc) and would have been hurt if DP hadn't made an effort for that.

Wheresmrlion · 26/12/2018 13:52

I understand. Obviously it’s not really from the baby but it’s nice to acknowledge your role as ‘Mummy’, a mug or socks wouldn’t have taken much effort and would have been kind and thoughtful.

I got a lovely card that my husband had made with my toddler, handprints and glitter, obviously toddler didn’t plan it and it didn’t cost much but it’s one of my favourite things from this Christmas because of the effort and love behind it.

YearOfYouRemember · 26/12/2018 17:05

So many people not understanding the OP feelings. Won't speculate why. OP, I understand what you mean. It's about the excitement of being a mummy and wanting that recognition for the new situation you are in. Plenty of other people feel the same otherwise shops wouldn't sell the products. It is time to have a talk with your dh and tell him it would mean a lot to you and is he willing to facilitate this.

Shitmewithyourrhythmstick · 26/12/2018 20:15

It would be perfectly possible for shops to still sell and make money from mummy branded products if nobody ever purchased them pretending they're from a baby. Toddlers and above are all capable of actual meaningful participation in the present choosing process. Babies are a small minority of children.

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