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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry and disappointed that Christmas day has been ruined?

44 replies

Meadowflowers · 25/12/2018 19:56

I'm gutted. 17yo dd got up in a disgusting mood. Opened her presents at 10a, then buggered off back to bed. When she got up later she tried to pick a fight with everyone. She demanded that my 13yo put everything away in the bedroom right that second, (something I generally leave until Boxing day as Christmas day is a holiday) when she didn't jump up straight away, the 17yo threw a shoe at her eye, hurting her and making her cry. I went in the room shouted for it all to stop, 17yo went on a complete meltdown screaming at me, calling me names, then trying to push me out of the room, as I was taking 13yo side (as usual, in her opinion) not true. I told her that as I treat her like an adult, she needed to start behaving like one. I went back down to carve the turkey and put the dinner out whilst crying over it that a day I had prepared for, for so many months had been completely ruined. I'm so disappointed by her behaviour. Somehow it was all turned around to be my fault because she said I made her cry, but it was simply a case if her completely losing her temper! My 13yo didn't fight back or retaliate at all. She's been in bed watching netflix since and still hasn't eaten.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 25/12/2018 20:03

some teenagers are vile aren't they?

You might want to point out to your 17 year old that you could have reported her to the police and what the consequences of a caution or criminal record might have on her career and future prospects.

Hope your boxing day turns out better!

lazyarse123 · 25/12/2018 20:06

I wouldn't be feeding the stroppy madam, and I would be taking her gifts back. What a horrible way to behave, your poor younger daughter. I would try to salvage the evening with dc2 if you can.

BottleOfJameson · 25/12/2018 20:08

God teenagers can be awful. Bid leave the older one to silk hungrily in her room and try to have a nice evening with the younger one.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/12/2018 20:09

Sorry you’ve had a ghastly time,sounds rotten
Any back story for the 17yo?any worries or troubles that would impact upon mood/behaviour?
Give the 13yo a hug and offer some time
Tomorrow Calmly talk to 17yo,explain you’re not happy what went on

I don’t think police is warranted unless you or the teen feel at risk

Kikipost · 25/12/2018 20:09

17?

That is appalling. Really appalling.

mummmy2017 · 25/12/2018 20:10

It is her trying to control you.
Stop trying to make things better, tell her she can sulk if she wants...
I did this after mine turned moody. It so helps...

Thewifipasswordis · 25/12/2018 20:11

My guess is girlfriend/boyfriend trouble. Ask her what's wrong and give her a hug. Something has upset her for her to behave that way OP.

Bombardier25966 · 25/12/2018 20:12

I wouldn't be calling anyone vile without knowing the back story. Does your daughter have mental health difficulties, are there any family issues, is her dad still at home?

Stuckforthefourthtime · 25/12/2018 20:13

Is there back story with your 17 year old? Stroppy teenage behaviour is normal but this sounds a long way from typical, especially throwing a shoe at a younger child's face, that's way beyond ok. Does she do this outside the family?

If she or you are not already talking with people about her mental health (and /or you getting some parenting support), then she should be.

Hope you and your 13 year old got to have some fun too.

M3lon · 25/12/2018 20:42

That does sound nasty!

On the flip side, why spend months preparing for one day? Its kind of asking to be let down really isn't it?

We have a few grumps today but we only started thinking abou txmas about 4 days ago. So no biggy!

kaytee87 · 25/12/2018 20:50

Is it normal for her to behave like that op?

WeeBean · 25/12/2018 20:51

Agree that that doesn't sound like normal behaviour for a 17 year old. Maybe let her be for a wee while to calm down and then have a chat later? Something else might really be bothering her but she has let things get out of hand today and is maybe too proud to apologise.

I hope you get sorted and you can all enjoy tomorrow.

SassitudeandSparkle · 25/12/2018 20:55

The teen shouldn't be throwing shoes - no doubt about that point - but it does sound as if you are quite reactive as well OP. It is annoying when you want a day to go well and it doesn't, but you do seem to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself (and your family) there for it to be 'perfect'.

What is happening at the moment - has the younger daughter eaten yet, did the older one eat after throwing the shoe?

GirlFliesHome · 25/12/2018 21:04

So the younger daughter has been assaulted.

Pretty serious in my book.

Alpacanorange · 25/12/2018 21:12

Is she always a stroppy Madam?
Try to find out her problem.
However her behavior is disgusting, she needs to apologise before normal service resumes. She can’t treat people like that without consequence.

lazyarse123 · 25/12/2018 21:15

Why do people always play the mh card? Sometimes a brat is just exactly that. I hope you've managed to have a nice time with your younger daughter.

OMGFFS · 25/12/2018 21:19

1- take the gifts back
2- take her phone
3- if she refuses and hits you again call the police

Moussemoose · 25/12/2018 21:20

Being a teenager is no excuse for that behaviour.

She needs to face consequences.

MorningsEleven · 25/12/2018 21:21

You all sound quite volatile and dramatic

OnlyaMan · 25/12/2018 21:24

I am sorry that you feel that your Christmas Day has been ruined. It is a painful thing to happen (and I speak from experience). But teenagers are sometimes like that.
My (perfectly fine son, now) was a sort of Harry Enfield "Kevin" sometimes. But Christmas Day is just a day-your family has years to live normally.
I would not withdraw her Christmas presents, as they have been bought over a period when she was decently behaved, are sitting under the tree, etc:
But I think it may be reasonable to refuse to feed her, because that would involve her sitting politely at the table, and interacting decently with her family. She may not be prepared to do that. She probably ought to learn there are consequences to actions.
She may "storm out", but where is she going to go on Christmas Day? Keep a turkey sandwich for when she slinks back-your intention is obviously not to "starve" her, but to show her she must be reasonable to the rest of her family.
Boxing Day may be COMPLETELY different! Concentrate on that!
Good luck and Merry Christmas!

diddl · 25/12/2018 21:25

Why does the 17yr old think that she can tell her younger sister what to do?

Does she have no/little control over her life/being bullied?

It's very extreme to throw something to deliberately hurt soeone just because they won't do as you say-& they don't even have to!

ItIsChristmasTime · 25/12/2018 21:26

I’m sorry today has upset you and I hope this evening and tomorrow are much better. Flowers

InspectorIkmen · 25/12/2018 21:29

Oh yes OnlyaMan. Yes. That turkey sandwich will make her change her ways for sure!

Fuck's sake.

So what if the presents have been bought when she was behaving decently. She's a human being who shouldn't even consider pushing her Mother and assaulting her sibling as an option on ANY day. Bugger the presents. Take them off her and see how much she likes being treated like a piece of shit.

Serialweightwatcher · 25/12/2018 21:32

That was really awful of her - she could have blinded her sister ... from being little, I would never let my two boys fight (I know people say kids are kids and they should etc but I couldn't bear it) ... I don't know if she's always been handsy with her little sister, but she needs telling and she needs to lose some privileges for that kind of behaviour

BlimeyCalmDown · 25/12/2018 21:38

Spoil and comfort the younger one, ignore the older one and let her sulk, tell her when she has finished sulking you would like to talk about what happened and then be friends again. Sounds like there may have been either a build up to this or something else is going on. Don't let her spoil it for everyone else, you need to ignore her now and until she has calmed down and is ready to talk.