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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be a little bit gutted

60 replies

HKAB18 · 25/12/2018 19:39

That my OH of 3 years didn’t propose today. Now to be clear I k kw many people are together longer shorter etc the time together is not important.
This year has been hell health wise almost losing our baby and then almost lost my own life a few weeks ago. I said to a family member I had seen a present pile wrapped and Joked “there’s not a ring box there”. They laughed and said be patient. When I mentioned to his side about my feelings a few weeks ago that I would love him to at some point soon not necessarily today they again looked away and said it will happen soon hopefully.
I haven’t gone on and on about it, i. Fact it’s the first time I mentioned to his family member at all.

Anyway just a bit gutted I dunno I felt vibes he was going to by the above discussions. And when we had been out in town recently he said he had to run back to a shop to collect something but never appeared with anything from that specific shop, he was oddly secretive about Christmas this year when we never have been. Anyway just a self pity thread it’ll happen in time

OP posts:

London91 · 25/12/2018 23:51

My dp didn't propose until we had been together 5 years. I had been waiting for him to do it for ages. I don't think you should push him into it. These days so many people don't see the point of getting married. Chances are he'll do it in his own time.

The4thSandersonSister · 26/12/2018 03:53

There will always be some reason why it's not the right time. I think the real reason is because everything is exactly how he wants it. He has the Partner, the DC and no legal ties. He has the freedom to walk at any point, and parent as little or as much as he wishes and his financial obligations to his DC as much as he wishes or as little as the bare minimum he could get away with. It's all in his favour.

The only reason he would propose is if he wanted you to be his Wife. Every other reason is stalling, future-faking smoke and mirrors.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 26/12/2018 06:07

I want dp to propose to me if he wants to get married. Doesn't bother me either way so I'm not doing the nervy bit. I have come up with lots of rediculous things he has to do when he proposes, it is a bit of a running joke.

Happilyacceptingcookies · 26/12/2018 06:18

OP , you almost lost your own life a few weeks ago, that's huge.

Surely DP was busy/stressed looking after you and your DC during this tough time? It doesn't mean he won't propose but fair enough to the guy if he hasn't had time to buy a ring!

crispysausagerolls · 26/12/2018 10:11

Do not understand people who have a baby with someone and then expect a proposal. I know someone who, after 12 years and 3 children, is still waiting. And I suspect always will be!

Birdsgottafly · 26/12/2018 10:42

"He has the freedom to walk at any point, and parent as little or as much as he wishes and his financial obligations to his DC as much as he wishes or as little as the bare minimum he could get away with."

The difference between being married is the split of assets on parting. For some there will be a financial settlement, as well. Other than that, there's the MH Act etc stuff.

Personally I don't know why any Man would want to see their Baby being born, but it not be theirs. Likewise I don't k ow why any unmarried Woman gives her child the other Parents Surname.

Do you have a living Will OP? If not, ow would he have felt if your Parents pulled rank, did the hospital stuff and sorted your funeral, without consulting him?

If you nearly dying was around giving Birth, your next living relatives would have taken your Baby home, whilst he went through the motions of proving he is the Father and getting residency.

Has he made a living Will etc?

thedevilinablackdress · 26/12/2018 10:53

Why is it up to him??
Why is it 'begging' if you ask?
Life is not the movies.

SassitudeandSparkle · 26/12/2018 11:44

OP, is this partly because of the baby's surname by any chance? That the baby has a different surname to you?

I see this a lot on MN, the OP has a baby and is then surprised that the partner is not on one knee holding a ring. From my internet research reading MN there would seem to be a mix of the OP wanting to get married all along combined with having given the baby dad's surname and then hoping that dad will want everyone to have the same surname. It's not worked so far, sorry to say - I don't think men even consider the fact tbh.

So if it is the surname thing making it all a bit worse for you at the moment, is it too late to change the surname?

70sbaubles · 26/12/2018 13:23

I'd never name a baby after the dad if I wasn't married to them, it surprises me how many women do. Why is the dad's name better than the mum's? Every time I go to Surestart the majority of mums have different surnames to their children.
It annoys me that men think women are good enough to birth their child but not to marry. It's disrespectful and nasty IMO.

thebaronetofcockburn · 26/12/2018 13:33

Me, neither, crispysausagerolls.

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