Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be narked about others using my DS’s presents first?

45 replies

Silkei · 25/12/2018 18:36

Family Xmas with the in-laws. All of the kids have numerous gifts. But SIL’s kids are playing with my DS’s toys instead of their own. Normally I’m in favour of telling kids to share but my DS hasn’t even had a chance to play with them himself yet! So when he gets his toys back from his cousins they’ll have been used.

His youngest cousin has spent the last half hour crashing DS’s new fire truck into the wall and now DS is crying because he’s just got his hands on it for the first time and it’s already scratched. And his cousin is having hysterics and yelling It’s mine! because DS is daring to touch it.

OP posts:
SneakyGremlinsBrokeTheSleigh · 25/12/2018 18:38

You need to tell SIL the kids off.

icannotremember · 25/12/2018 18:39

Tell the kids off, gather up your ds's toys to a safe place and if your SIL says anything, give her short shrift.

ReflectentMonatomism · 25/12/2018 18:41

His youngest cousin has spent the last half hour crashing DS’s new fire truck into the wall

Why did neither your nor the cousin's parents stop this? Crucially, why did you allow your son to be bullied for the sake of not making a fuss?

And his cousin is having hysterics

So what?

hendal · 25/12/2018 18:46

YANBU OP.
I suggest gathering DSs gifts up to keep safe next to you or in the car if that’s not possible. And telling his cousins to leave them alone, doesn’t have to be in a totally grumpy way but point out they are DSs toys and he has not had a chance to look at them as they’ve been playing with them - ideally with a look at x and y stuff that they got. If SIL (or anyone else!) says anything then say exactly what you’ve said here, they’ve been playing with his gifts all day, he’s not had a look in and when he does get a hold of one of them it has been damaged!

I may be projecting a tiny bit, i was treated like crap by cousins on my Dads side and I never understood (still can’t) why the adults who saw it happening did nothing. Including DMum who saw it all and was annoyed, she sat back then bitched about it to me for an age afterwards (still does now given the opportunity and I’m now 35!).

Looneytune253 · 25/12/2018 18:47

If he was literally crashing it into a wall then why the hell wasnt someone stopping him? You or his parents, seriously don’t let them get away with that level of disrespect. To be honest though unless the toy is actually broken I would tell your ds to stop being dramatic. It doesn’t really matter if someone else is playing with it (as long as not broken) and surely it’s nice for all the cousins to play nicely together. (With the exception of the destructive behaviour of course)

ReflectentMonatomism · 25/12/2018 18:49

surely it’s nice for all the cousins to play nicely together

They aren't playing nicely together. One's smashing the other's property and claiming it for their own.

JumpingJunipersBatman · 25/12/2018 18:50

Why did you let his cousins damage his car?

Collect up his toys and either put them all away or only let him play with them. Sharing isn't obligatory.

SilverLining10 · 25/12/2018 18:52

Why did you let him play with the truck for half a hour? You are the parent, you need to speak up. You aren't doing anything so why would anyone think you have an issue with it.

LagunaBubbles · 25/12/2018 18:54

Why are the adults letting this happen for goodness sake!

RedHelenB · 25/12/2018 18:54

Yabu. If you didn't want his cousins playing with his toys pur them away. What is he playing with?

littlequestion · 25/12/2018 18:57

I don’t get all this “share nicely” stuff - it isn’t fair to kids. If you get new clothes for Christmas, would you mind someone else grabbing them and wearing them first?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 25/12/2018 18:57

Step in and sort it out. Confused

CasperGutman · 25/12/2018 18:57

Make them stop. It's not fair, and you need to look out for your son's interests.

Allthewaves · 25/12/2018 18:57

So why did you let him crash fire truck into a wall? Gather up the toys and put them in them in your car or room if it's a problem.

BackforGood · 25/12/2018 18:59

When you have various people gather for Christmas, the sensible thing I found was always to put all the new Christmas presents into a bag to take back home with you, not leave them scattered about the room (for lots of reasons not to stop others playing with them). If they then want one out, get that one out but it is not amongst the chaos of lots of things and adults can keep an eye and make sure no-one is ramming a toy into a wall over and over for the sake of the wall as well as the toy.

GunpowderGelatine · 25/12/2018 19:04

This is why, when we spend Christmas elsewhere, I quickly shove the naice toys in the car boot and leave out a few cheaper ones for everyone to play with. DH's family seem to raise feral ham fisted children who have on numerous occasions broken my kids toys and it's very frustrating and annoying that no one pulls them on it

GunpowderGelatine · 25/12/2018 19:05

Also I don't understand all this "why did you let him crash the toy" - does everyone spend their Christmas Day hovering over other people's children? Perhaps they were in the other room or OP didn't see it happen

PotteryLady · 25/12/2018 19:09

Just take them back

clicketyclick66 · 25/12/2018 19:27

OP, I think you need to rethink your Christmas Day arrangements in future.
For the past few years, we spend the day at home and the children play with their own toys. It's a day we spend interacting with our children while they are still children.
And we order our dinner from M&S so there's minimal drudgery on the day. I couldn't be visiting people, or having them stay over

FunshineCareBear · 25/12/2018 19:28

If OP knows it was being crashed into a wall its fair to assume she saw it.

Original poster
Silkei · 25/12/2018 19:36

I didn’t see the cousin pick the fire truck up. When I realised he had it, I didn’t like to cause trouble by just seizing it. Especially because his parents were watching and obviously saw my face because SIL announced “He’s just having a turn with DS’s truck”. DS hadn’t noticed and was happily doing a jigsaw in the lounge.

To give SIL credit, when DS picked the truck up and the cousin started to scream No! Mine! Get off! she did say no, it’s DS’s truck not yours, you can’t stop him playing with his own truck. She didn’t say anything about it being scuffed though, even when DS started to whinge. And I did think the cousin’s screaming would be unacceptable even if it was his truck.

As I said, usually I’d encourage DS to share with his cousins. But it just narks me a bit when they’re “sharing” before he’s even had a chance to look at them himself. I will have to pack away his toys in future as soon as he’s unwrapped them.

OP posts:
Kikipost · 25/12/2018 19:40

Your child.

Woman up and sort the situation in your son’s favour.

GunpowderGelatine · 25/12/2018 19:53

My excuse OP is "just gonna stick these in the car so they don't take up too much room" .

Also OP WHY didn't, when you saw the truck being rammed, turn back time and take it off the other child before he did it? Any good mother would do just that, woman up you slattern Wink

Seriously though MN is so far fucking removed from reality sometimes. All this bleating of "do something about it" - how many people actually think it's reasonable to kick off on Christmas day at their in laws over a child playing with a toy?

JumpingJunipersBatman · 25/12/2018 19:58

You don't have to cause a scene or "seizie it".

A simple "let x play with his present first please. You've got a lovely car here" and distract him and then take it or more assertively "I'm going to put that truck away because we don't want it to get broken. Here is your car". If cousin kicks up a fuss, tough. As I said above sharing isn't obligatory. If your sister kicks up a fuss, tough. You need to be the spokesperson for your son.

Your sister needs to also understand that you don't find it acceptable for people to play with your son's toys before he does. So in future can I suggest you pack up all the toys after unwrapping apart from the one he is playing with to avoid this situation. If Your sister comments just say something like " It's too much for him to appreciate all his new toys at once so we're saving them for when he can have a proper look. He'll love your gift thoigh".

HopeGarden · 25/12/2018 20:04

I’d have taken the toy off my DNs in this kind of scenario.

When we do Christmas with our DNs, I usually bag up all our DCs presents as soon as they’re opened. Mostly to stop presents getting mixed up and going home with the wrong child, but it also cuts down on children playing with someone else’s Christmas presents before the recipient has had the chance for a play.